This website belongs to the fucking Batgirl!

Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines
I briefly recount my memories of the third movie, so you don't have to rent it.

Prometheus: Shoulda Just Re-Watched Predators

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This image a metaphor for the entire film. A beautiful mess.

Imagine Die Hard. (If you're on this site, I'm gonna assume you've seen it at least once. More than likely, you're like every other geek who counts it as a "Christmas movie" and watches it several times every December.)

Die Hard is a great movie. I'll go out on a not-very-dangerous limb here and say it actually defines the action movie genre, in the best possible way. So picture it in your head: An average schmo -- middle aged, balding, blue-collar looking dude -- finds himself in a crazy terrorist hostage situation on Christmas Eve. Dude's just trying to patch things up with his wife, and he suddenly he has to be John Wayne.

As we all know, at the end, the villain gets thrown out of a window and plummets 30-some floors to his death.

Now imagine the end of Die Hard, and picture Hans Gruber slinking away laughing "I'll get you NEXT TIME, JOHN MCCLANE, MUAH HA HA!" Winky wink to the camera, fade out, credits up.

Be honest. You'd want to punch that movie in the dick.

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Colin Farrell is Probably a Vampire in Real Life

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I kind of feel bad for going to see Fright Night this weekend. For a couple of reasons:

1. I barely remember the original. I was 6 when it came out and maybe 8 when I saw it. My mom was going out for the night and told the babysitter she had both Fright Night and Sex, Lies, and Videotape on VHS. Which was apparently a big deal. The babysitter chose Fright Night and all I remember was being scared all to hell.

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Black Death: More Like Blech Death, Amirite?

I was intrigued by this movie's press release back in the day, but not intrigued enough to pay for it On Demand.

However, it's now on Netflix's Watch Instantly, so I had no reason NOT to watch it. I mean, I'm on vacation and becoming one with nature and all that jazz... but honestly Netflix is something even antelope would agree is terrific, if antelope could talk.

Beware, the following review contains plenty of spoilers...

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TROLLLLLLLL!...hunter.

It didn't occur to me, when I read the press release for this movie "Trollhunter," that it would be a film centered around one man, an actual troll hunter. You'd think I'd take better cues from titles by now, but then again you'd figure by now I'd think about a lot of things that I don't.

However, I watched the trailer and was immediately interested. The Norwegian film, originally titled Trolljegeren ("Troll" in Norwegian is pronounced: "troll." That info is free gratis, you're welcome) was released last year in its native Norway. A bidding frenzy began, and Magnolia Pictures, producers of Centurion and Black Death, won the rights to distribute the film overseas.

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Are Your Toys Going To Kill You In Your Sleep?

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Brenda: Did I mention I saw Toy Story 3? In blu-ray! ...I cried a lot. In hi-def.

Laura: I cried a lot when I saw it, too. On the plus side, I learned that I am still capable of human emotion outside of sleep deprived delirium, though I'm not sure that's worth the new paranoia and guilt. I mean, I already had a lot of paranoia and guilt. Fuck you, Pixar!

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My Bloody Valentine (2009): For Lovers of Pick Axe Violence

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I love head wounds, so it was pretty much a given that I would enjoy a movie about a guy who kills people with a pick axe. I also enjoy Jensen Ackles, which is why it is kind of odd that the 2009 remake of My Bloody Valentine has been sitting in my Netflix DVD queue for so long. However, seeing as how it is Valentine's Day, and this is Geektress, it was the perfect time to check it out.

The basic plot of the movie is that this is a cave in at a Pennsylvania coal mine, accidentally caused by Jensen Ackles' character Tom Hanniger, in which six miners are trapped. One of those miners, Harry Warden, killed the other miners to preserve air, then goes into a coma (I wasn't really clear on how). A year later to the day, he wakes up from that coma and goes on a huge killing spree, as one does. He supposedly dies in another cave in while the police try to apprehend him. Ten years later, when Tom returns to the Pennsylvania mining community from which he came, someone dressed like Harry Warden in his cool mining outfit and mask has started killing people again. Hijinx, and a lot of blood splatter, ensue.

What follows is a somewhat spoilery review and a very NSFW video. You are warned.

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Centurion: Exceeding Our Exceptionally High Expectations For Violence

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Previously, on this website:

[From the press release] Centurion is a gripping survival thriller set against a background of conquest and invasion; a pursuit movie in the vein of Deliverance, Last of the Mohicans and Apocalypto.

So Brenda said...
After watching the trailer, I get the impression this is a lot more like Saving Private Ryan mixed with Braveheart.

And yet also...
300 was great the first couple of times around, but I don't really need to see it -- or a watered down version of it -- again.

And then...
...when did the memo go out letting everyone know that historical England had no white balance?

Brenda: ...Okay, so I was totally wrong. It wasn't anything much like 300, or Braveheart, or Gladiator. And it wasn't all desaturated, either. It was beautifully shot, and thank God they didn't use filters on everything. The landscape just looked like it looked -- bleak -- because it was winter in Scotland. But mostly sunrises looked like sunrises and grassy meadows looked like grassy meadows, there wasn't a constant blue tint to everything just because it was a "historical" film.

Laura: I was expecting something more along the lines of 300 as well, but it's really a much better film from a historical perspective, though possibly not from a graphic violence perspective, and certainly not from a shirtless perspective. (In fairness, nothing could possibly top 300 in that regard.) Basically, Centurion tells the tale of what could have happened to the 9th Legion. It's actually more than a hot guys with swords movie, and that sort of threw me at first. I wasn't expecting all the plot.

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Kara Has Two Daddies: A Review of "Superman/Batman: Apocalypse"

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"Superman/Batman: Apocalypse" came out on DVD this past Tuesday, and I have finally been able to purchase it and watch it. Like 2009's "Superman/Batman: Public Enemies" this movie is based on a comic by Jeph Loeb, this time with art by Michael Turner instead of Ed McGuinnes. Like the previous movie it also features the voices of Tim Daly and Kevin Conroy, with Summer Glau as Supergirl and Andre Braugher as Darkseid. Bruce Timm and Lauren Montgomery, respectively, produced and directed it. Am I done with the credits now? I think so. Let's get on with the reviewing.

I like these movies because I generally don't have much interest in reading a Jeph Loeb comic, but they lend themselves perfectly to the 70 minute animated movie adaptation since they are so heavy on action. Jeph Loeb knows from action movies. He wrote "Commando." However, to be blunt, I didn't enjoy this one nearly as much as "Superman/Batman: Public Enemies." I suspect this was at least partially because of my own biases, but there were several other factors as well. For example, I don't really get Kara's immediate obsession with skimpy clothing and high heels in the face of a destroyed planet and no memory, but then I also never understood why little girls always make themselves look like hookers when they play dress up, myself included. This movie does get major points for featuring Wonder Woman and Big Barda though.

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Hi. I'm Carey And I Really Liked Machete.


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Hi, my name is Carey and I’m the new geek on the block. I am a total whore for YA and adult sci-fi and fantasy novels (hold the Twilight). I have had two great television loves in my life: The X-Files and Lost. After both of their losses, I feel like I may not be ready to date again for a while. I wish I could get paid to read comic books all day, because then I would work nights, weekends, holidays, and OT. My favorite comic book is ElfQuest (shut it) and I spend way too much money tracking down each and every one of them from 1977 to 2008.

I’m a pretty benevolent nerd most of the time, but I do enjoy my ultra violence, and that’s why for date night last week, me and the guy I married went out to see Machete. I love Tarantino, and by default must also love Rodriguez, and then must also love the Rodriguez Players.

First, let me get out of the way all the superficial reasons I love this movie:

  1. It was a mini Lost reunion. Ana Lucia, LaPedis, and Hurley’s Dad – all in one movie!
  2. It was also a Nash Bridges reunion, even though Nash and Bridges had no screen time together.
  3. Steven Seagal. Steven mother effing Seagal. I grew up on his movies because my aunt wanted a piece of him in the worst way. Also, Lawman is a beautiful trainwreck.
  4. Lots of projectile vomiting – there are few things funnier.
  5. Danny Trejo’s hot torso tattoo.
    • Without even trying, Danny Trejo bangs every single chick in this movie. All of the women want him and all of the men know that if they were women, they would want him too.
    • That dude I married has hung out with both Danny Trejo and Tom Savini and claims they are personally two of the nicest guys ever. Surprisingly, dude’s contacts with the Rodriguez Players are not why I married him.

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Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines

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Laura just mentioned that she may "have" to watch T3 in order to understand stuff that happens in T4. I generally disagree. However, for those of you in the same boat as Laura, I'll copy and paste the bullet-pointed recap I just emailed to her. Keep in mind that I have only seen T3 once, in theaters. As far as I know, most of this stuff is accurate, though I am obviously doing this from memory, as it only took me five minutes. It's impressive the junk I can keep in my head when I can't remember where my car keys are.

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Gotham Knight Review

When I first watched the featurette for Gotham Knight on the New Frontier DVD, I wasn't sure what to expect. Bruce Timm was doing his best to assure me that it was a new, exciting take on Batman -- using several different prominent Japanese animators to bring together six vignettes about the Dark Knight -- and that anime + Gotham made more sense than, say, anime + Metropolis. Shortly before renting the film after its release, I'd read a few things stating that the movie was set in the same "world" as Batman Begins and The Dark Knight, and essentially would be a bridge between the two movies, a la Clone Wars (bridging Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith.) (The problem with that analogy is that Genndy Tartakovsky's Clone Wars was much better than either movie it was connected to.)

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I SAW WALL-E ZOMG

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If, in February of this year, you had told me that I'd not only go to see Wall-E on opening day, but that I would be anxiously awaiting its release -- up to the point of counting down the hours till I could catch the first midnight showing -- I would not have only laughed in your face, I probably would have pushed you.

Of course, you would've been right, and I would've been wrong (and kind of a dickhead.)

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I.AM.BEOWULF!!!

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"Beowulf" seems to have been the movie to take nearly everyone by surprise the weekend before Thanksgiving weekend, gobbling up attention from all ages wishing to see this classic tale come to life on the big screen. It was specially filmed in 3-D, although there are 2-D theaters showing the film as well.

The CGI film brought in a sweeping 27.5 million dollars and left most viewers satisfied with an overall very well-adapted movie of a fable told for hundreds of generations.

Despite my deep interest in the epic movies based on classic books, "Beowulf" somehow slipped under my radar until several months ago while sipping lemon water in some fancy cafe in Hollywood-- not a regular activity. My interest went as far as me making plans to watch the movie within the first several weeks, as I was a bit weary of the CGI effects. Even after my friend told me that it had Angelina Jolie, undressed, I refused to initially give it the same attention.

Fortunately, I am not always in charge of how I spend my weekends and got to go on a much needed date with the girlfriend to watch the film. Little did I know what a wonderful piece of art this would turn out to be, but what a dreary piece of writing I would have to endure to see "the pretty".

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