Geektress.comtag:www.geektress.com,2012://12012-02-06T17:45:27ZMovable Type 3.33Thor Two: As in, 2 X chromosomes are better than one.tag:www.geektress.com,2012://1.7652012-02-06T20:16:12Z2012-02-06T17:45:27Z Yes, we fully realize how terrifying this photoshop is. In December, Patty Jenkins, the director of Monster, was let go from the production of Thor 2. She would've been the first female to direct a major superhero movie (really?)...Brenhttp://www.geektress.com/about.php#brenda Yes, we fully realize how terrifying this photoshop is.
In December, Patty Jenkins, the director of Monster, was let go from the production of Thor 2. She would've been the first female to direct a major superhero movie (really?) and her firing reportedly pissed off Natalie Portman (though, we think it just sounded more like Natalie was kind of bummed out, not "furious.") Since then, Marvel has hired Alan Taylor (most known for directing television -- and we don't mean anything negative by that) to helm Thor 2, which should begin filming this summer (with a November 2013 release date.)
The part that gave us pause was that Marvel didn't consider any other female directors to replace Patty. A lot of speculation around the 'net was that the "only" other viable candidate would be Kathryn Bigelow. Partly because she's Oscar-accredited, partly because she's apparently an "action" director. (Though, if Branagh can direct a superhero movie, why can't any other genre director, but that's just sensible talk.) So here's our list of possible replacements for Alan, should he decide he'd rather direct another episode of Game of Thrones, instead:]]>
Sharon Maguire. Her most recent film, Incendiary, didn't do so well at the box office and tracks at 23% on Rotten Tomatoes. (Laura thinks it was good, though, and Rotten Tomatoes can take a hike.) Maguire more famously directed Bridget Jones' Diary, so if we're going for a fun-filled romp with a self-conscious Norse God, she'd be our #1 choice. (Oh, like you don't want to see Loki as Bridget Jones? YOU LIE.)
Mimi Leder. She directed the more serious of the two asteroid movies out in 1998 (Deep Impact), and like Alan Taylor is mostly a television director (most recently working with David Milch on Luck.) But she's busy filming yet another version of All Quiet On The Western Front. Still, we think she could handle the Elizabethan dialogue just as well as Branagh did.
Kathryn Bigelow. You can't count her out, of course. She is fantastic. But, chances are, she's not interested.
Catherine Hardwick. After the mess that was Red Riding Hood, it's apparent that Catherine mainly succeeds at putting pretty pictures with asinine writing. Maybe she needs a better script, or maybe she lets her actors off the chain too much (see: Gary Oldman's accent. HOW DO YOU MESS UP A GARY OLDMAN PERFORMANCE, CATHERINE?) Still, might be fun to see what she'd do with a Twilight-sized budget and a script retooled by Robert Rodat (but probably not - Rodat's Falling Skies is laughably bad.)
Mary Harron. Harron's another one of our top "serious" choices. (For unserious choices, see previous bullet point.) She did a fantastic job with American Psycho, so she can obviously handle unconventional material and explosions. Bonus: She could probably punch up the script.
Lexi Alexander. Wait a second. Lexi is fresh off of Punisher: War Zone. That wasn't a superhero movie? I guess that's a "comic book movie." In any case, this completely qualifies her for directing a Marvel movie... because she's already directed a Marvel movie.
Amy Heckerling. Okay, this is obviously my first choice, in that I loves Heckerling and think she can do no wrong. This may or may not be disproven with Vamps, which hasn't come out yet. Just because she's Queen of the Quirky Character Driven Comedies doesn't mean she can't work with the material, right? Teen Thor! Or am I just totally buggin?
Rebecca Miller. By far our most serious unserious choice. Thor 2 could be a drama about Thor's first period! She could get Daniel Day Lewis to co-star! Think of it: Daniel could portray Ego The Living Planet, with a minimal amount of protestation. IT COULD BE AMAZING.
(P.S. - The Bill the Butcher face is from David Rojo, who does awesome vector portraits.)
Penny Marshall. Hasn't directed a movie in 11 years. Why the fuck not? She could cast her brother Gary as Thor's confused, angry grandfather Borr, and we'd all have a good laugh. Maybe she could even convince Tom Hanks to make a cameo.
Jodie Foster. At the time, when I pitched Jodie as a candidate, I was under the impression that Foster had directed Panic Room and Inside Man, but apparently not. Let's give her a chance at this, anyway. She deserves a do-over for the way The Beaver got screwed by Mel Gibson being all Mel Gibsonny.
Nancy Meyers. Nancy made Keanu Reeves as a doctor believable. She's done other stuff, but c'mon. She made him look good, without having to create a character that fits his minimal acting strengths. That's Oscar-caliber direction. There's also the possibility of Nancy directing Iron Man 4, because by the fourth Iron Man movie, Robert Downey, Jr. might actually be 60 years old. Meyers is your go-to gal for a middle aged superhero movie with lots of boozing.
Barbra Streisand. The only Thor movie that would be entirely about Barbra Streisand. There would be a hit song (that she'd sing) and an all new love interest (Babs.) Or she'd just recast herself in Rene Russo's role and the movie would suddenly be all about Frigga. Either way, you know it'd be fabulous.
Who would you pick? One of our suggestions, or someone completely different?]]>
Merlin: The Wicked Daytag:www.geektress.com,2012://1.7642012-01-24T05:36:37Z2012-01-24T18:53:19ZOh, it's wicked, all right. Brenhttp://www.geektress.com/about.php#brenda
This episode will screw with you. I suppose it's not totally unreasonable to expect that Uther will eventually die, as he eventually dies in all Arthurian legend, because people die. It's fairly surprising that in an episode with so much campy "old Merlin", it would end with Arthur being crowned king.
But there you go, I just spoilered this entire season / series / episode / life for you if you haven't seen the show. If you do want to start watching, it plays in the U.S. on Friday nights at 10pm on SyFy.]]>
I love how the one thing the entire season Morgana plans and does correctly she's mopey about.
]]>
Merlin: The Darkest Hour, Part 2tag:www.geektress.com,2012://1.7632012-01-19T04:23:28Z2012-01-19T18:14:58ZArthur sacrifices himself for Camelot... almost.Brenhttp://www.geektress.com/about.php#brenda
If you missed it, last week we started recapping Merlin. We realize that it's the fourth season, kind of an odd time to start recapping a show. Will we recap the other seasons? Probably not.
And now for the exciting conclusion of "The Darkest Hour." Tune in to SyFy on Fridays at 10pm to continue watching this season as it airs in the U.S. (It's pretty terrific.)]]>
]]>
Review: The Scorch Trials - Like a Big Blow Holetag:www.geektress.com,2012://1.7602012-01-17T18:51:56Z2012-01-17T20:24:00Z A while back, I did a review of The Maze Runner, by James Dashner. I believe I said something about potential and that The Maze Runner had issues but I was confident Dashner would work through those in the...Careyhttp://www.facebook.com/gypsycab79
A while back, I did a review of The Maze Runner, by James Dashner. I believe I said something about potential and that The Maze Runner had issues but I was confident Dashner would work through those in the The Scorch Trials. I am back to tell you that I totally lied.]]>
The Scorch Trials got off to a promising start but fizzled fairly quickly under one convoluted plotline after another. Just writing about it now kind of makes me want to smash my head into my desk until I get a concussion. We finish The Maze Runner with Thomas, Teresa, and the Gladers being rescued and making it to saftey after their harrowing experiences in the Maze. However, this rescue mission was just another test given by WICKED (the group that seems to be running things? Two books in and I still don't know). All of their rescuers are murdered and Thomas and the Gladers are given instructions: they've all been infected with a disease called the Flare, and have two weeks to travel 100 miles due north to reach a safe haven, where a cure awaits. Teresa goes missing early on and Thomas ends up separated from the other Gladers. He teams up with Brenda, a teen living in a city the government has abandoned to the Cranks - people who suffer from the gradual madness caused by the Flare. He promises her the cure if she will help him get to the safe haven.
Matters are further complicated by the arrival of a new boy - Aris - and the revelation that there was a second Maze full of all girls and Aris (the way Thomas' Maze was all boys and Teresa). This group of girls is also wandering around, and from what we gather from Aris, they aren't friendly.
Weird thing after weird thing happens to everyone involved. Thomas has plenty of opportunity from Brenda to learn about the world he can't remember, and while Brenda gives him some information, it isn't nearly enough for readers. In fact, I don't understand why Thomas doesn't make her sit down and tell him everything. I'm not a fan of huge info dumps, but Dashner gives his readers the bare minimum of background information. It's like Dashners' world is a giant fucking whale - a blue whale? - and he's only going to describe its blow hole. I didn't feel like I knew enough about this world or Thomas or WICKED to care who got screwed and who got saved. And by the end of The Scorch Trials, I don't think Dashner knows either. I feel like very little world building went into this series, and it shows with the complete lack of any detailed information beyond what any given character is actively doing in the present narrative. Not only do the characters know nothing - but they don't seem inclined to fix that.
I'm used to waiting patiently for information. Suspense is necessary for an engaging story, but most authors thow their readers a bone here and there. Dashner's trilogy is a complete cocktease. Maybe The Death Cure has all of the answers I want, but I don't care anymore. And maybe the whole thing is some clever metaphor for teenage gender roles, but fuck that. I'm only going to take this series out for dinner and a movie so many times before they better put out, and sister, I've reached my limit.]]>
Merlin: The Darkest Hour, Part 1tag:www.geektress.com,2012://1.7582012-01-07T18:04:12Z2012-01-28T14:16:00ZMorgana unleashes a ghost army on Camelot.Laurahttp://www.geektress.com/about.php#laura
Guess what, kids. Over on Tumblr, Brittany, a fan of Merlin, does these Game of Thrones recaps that are hilarious. So we figured, since we've already seen Merlin Season Four, we'd recap it as a thank-you to Brittany for giving us something funny to read at work. Also it's for everyone who wants to enjoy our little jokes right after they've enjoyed the episode on SyFy. (Friday nights at 10pm.)]]>
]]>
Best of the Tweets: Cake Lunch Editiontag:www.geektress.com,2011://1.7562011-12-09T15:25:52Z2011-12-30T13:04:55Z If you're not following any of these fine folks on the tweeting mechanism, then you are probably missing out. Here are some of our favorite bon mots from the past month, and also pictures of attractive women with red...Brenhttp://www.geektress.com/about.php#brenda
If you're not following any of these fine folks on the tweeting mechanism, then you are probably missing out. Here are some of our favorite bon mots from the past month, and also pictures of attractive women with red velvet cake. (Photoshops compiled from requests to our Facebook, Twitter, and this blog.)]]>
@sarospice I'll vote for Mitt Romney if it turns out his first name is really Mittens.
[In response to the question: "What's your favorite Fringe episode?"] @henchman21 That one where Walter acts all crazy, Peter needlessly dumbs down scientific principles, and Olivia is kind of hot.
@sixthformpoet The more Twitter tells me it’s over Capacity, the more I suspect Twitter still loves Capacity and regularly sits outside her house, weeping.
@shawnries I don't know. A trench coat and hat doesn't seem like enough to disguise the fact that you're a mutant turtle carrying a sword.
@omarg I understand it's basic cable, but you'd think more of the undead would shuffle around with their zombie schlongs out. #walkingdead
@Clarkythecruel John Landis tells stories like my annoying uncle.
@warrenellis like YOU never wanted to walk down a street pepper-spraying people while looking bored wait Siri don't post that to
@mountain_goats dear all death metal labels: putting an URL on your sticker is extremely unbrutal. please keep it brutal. thank you
@philhester Shouldn't an Americanized Akira be retitled "Jeff"?
@_Cappsized I want to hold a LANdo party. Y'know, hook up our PC's, watched pirated versions of Empire, drink Colt 45. It'll be fun TIL HE SELLS US OUT
@MJMcKean Saw a rare portrait of Queen Anne without her famous collar, just biting the hell out of the eczema on her stomach.
@aftertheschism It actually only occurred to me today that I work full-time in a bookstore. Congrats, 14-year-old me. You did it.
[This was actually three tweets in a row.] @VictorGischler Who likes monkeys? Any monkeys for any reason .... ESPECIALLY Peter Fork. I hate your guts, auto correct.
...we here at Geektress LOVE Peter Fork, the monkey Monkee.]]>
500th Entry! RSVP to Cake Lunch.tag:www.geektress.com,2011://1.7552011-12-08T16:13:33Z2011-12-29T14:09:09Z This entry has zero informational content and, if you're a hetero male, might alienate you a little bit. Too bad. When we were discussing what our 500th entry should be, first it was pointed out by Laura that we...Brenhttp://www.geektress.com/about.php#brenda
This entry has zero informational content and, if you're a hetero male, might alienate you a little bit.
Too bad. When we were discussing what our 500th entry should be, first it was pointed out by Laura that we should call attention to being a website for over 4 years and only just now getting to 500 entries. Well done, us! We are awesome at procrastinating.
Second of all, we decided it should be awesome. And there is really nothing more awesome to us than cake, and also attractive men.
That's what you get here.]]>
"Hello, Laura. Happy 500th post. Sometimes when I'm working out in a thong, I like to also make layer cake. I heard you liked chocolate, so I put chocolate in the chocolate and also on the chocolate cake and covered it with chocolate bon bons. Also, I brought a disproportionately large slice of cheesecake."Laura: My cake preferences are boring. I like chocolate with more chocolate. I might be OK with some strawberries in there, but mostly I just want chocolate. Cheesecake (NY style) is probably my favorite thing ever though, but it has to be good. Junior's cheesecake is what I imagine angels eat all the time, because they're dead and don't have to worry about getting fat.
Brenda: Look, it's our time to do whatever we want and if you want both double chocolate cake and a slice of cheesecake, you can have both. Fassbender has two hands. Maybe a third, I dunno if I want to get us banned on every work computer ever though.
"Hello, Rania. Congratulations, here is a large slice of chocolate cake that I stole from Michael Fassbender. Enjoy it while I read to you some of my poetry."
Rania was very enthusiastic about dudes and also cake, but failed to mention which dude she specifically would like serving her cake today. She mostly just agreed with our choices. So, since I know she likes Mads Mikkelsen, I instead posted a photo of Viggo Mortensen, because he's, like... better.
Speaking of Nordic men:
"I figured everyone would be taking their shirts off so I went with a suit. Now I see everyone's in a suit. I have no idea what to do at this point. Anyway, Happy 500th post, Francene. I got you a cupcake. It's pink. But it's still metal."
Francene: A Skarsgard cake would taste like lingonberries and avant garde cinema. Any cake he touched would taste like that, he couldnt help it.
"That guy in the tux had a cupcake so I was like 'Shit! I better get Carey a cupcake!' and I got this one because it's totally oversized. Heh. Can I have some later? Like, after we make out? I'm here to make out, right?"
Carey: I enjoy white or yellow cake with strawberry frosting. I kind of want to make it right now. But instead, I'm dipping parts of a bagel into a jar of Nutella and getting it all over my shirt. I like shirtless John Barrowman, but he's so adamantly gay that I almost feel guilty for wanting his babies.
Francene: It is okay to want Barrowman babies, he is gorgeous no matter what.
(P.S., next time we're in Chicago for C2E2, we might have to try one of those strawberry frosting cupcakes from Crepes A Latte Cafe.)
Laura: Shirtless dudes AND cake!
Brenda: I believe this is called teamwork and it is awesome.
"Uhhhh... hey. I already had a cupcake sitting here.... Uh. So, uhh... I know it's almost Christmas, and.... uh... you like the uh... like, peppermint? Stuff? So, uhm, I uh, I got you a big cake? It's uhm, it's peppermint? Uhhhhh... also, it has has like.... ...... .....ice cream. I know you like ice cream. I think. Once you might have uhm, have said uhm, that you like ice cream cake? So I got like, both? It's both. Oh man, maybe, you said you liked vanilla cake. Anyway, happy birthday or whatever. Uhmm.... Hello? Dang. Forgot to dial the phone first."
There was already a cupcake in this picture but I do love ice cream cake. And peppermint.
Whatever, even unwashed I still think he'd be fun to play Mario Cart with.
Here's to 500 more posts. Maybe next time they'll all be shirtless, and not just Laura's choice because she'd yell at me. OH! And to appease the runner up in this category:
John Barrowman with puppies (the runner up to cake.)]]>
Zelda: Skyward Swordtag:www.geektress.com,2011://1.7542011-12-07T16:22:42Z2011-12-28T13:18:39Z Wheee! We bought a Wii! And in our grand tradition of buying a new gaming system, the first game we bought was the new Zelda, titled "Skyward Sword." Do I like this game more than Windwaker? No I do...Brenhttp://www.geektress.com/about.php#brenda
Wheee! We bought a Wii! And in our grand tradition of buying a new gaming system, the first game we bought was the new Zelda, titled "Skyward Sword."
Do I like this game more than Windwaker? No I do not. Am I any good at playing this game? No I am not.]]>
This is after much practice. This is literally the best I am at this game so far. I have probably fallen off the edge of things more in one day than most people do in this game the entire game. So I'll just let you know what I think of Skyward Sword so far. You can pretend I played to the end in the time you spent reading this, because it took me two weeks just to figure out how to get out of the sparring hall, so I probably won't ever finish.
So far the story is about as fantastic as any Zelda story -- girl meets guy, girl gets swept up by evil tornado, guy has to become legendary hero of myth in order to get girl back, etc., -- but I am not loving how much talking there is going on. The first ten minutes of the game the girl (Zelda) spends discussing what she's wearing. I am not even joking. Then when you're trying to collect everything you need to move on to the next level, everyone has to stop you to talk about what YOU'RE wearing (the traditional green "Link" tunic.) AND YOU CAN'T SKIP OVER THIS.
Beedle's shop this time is in a blimp (as you would expect, this first world being set in a land that's floating in the sky), and there's a giant bell underneath that you have to ring in order to get him to stop. I haven't figured out how to ring the bell yet, I'm too scared to ask the townsfolk how to do it lest I get a lecture about what shoes I'm wearing. I assume it requires a slingshot, which I also assume is available for purchase... in Beedle's shop. Now you know why I drink.
The Wii has not one remote, as I thought, but two, forming a "nun-chuck" where you whip around both hands in an attempt to wield a sword and shield as realistically as possible. I can't play the piano very well (like most people), so I don't know why Nintendo thinks I can move my left arm AND use the joystick on that remote AND use the buttons to focus on things AND THEN ALSO wave around my right arm WHILE PUSHING YET ANOTHER BUTTON and also somehow pay attention to what's going on on-screen, and not my sudden onset palsy. Playing at swords on the Wii is about as realistic to me as playing the guitar on Guitar Hero (a game I only won by turning the volume down.)
ANYWAY, as you can see, I'm super good at attacking that training log. No seriously, that's some of my best work. Nevermind how I spend so much time standing in one place contemplating my next move that my special sword magically charges itself with... magic. Nevermind that I try to block and end up falling down or pushing the "zoom" button or any number of other wrong things. An uncoordinated attack, is what I call my fighting style.
NONE OF THAT MATTERS NOW, as my husband has moved on to a Tiger Woods game that he will more than likely be playing until the spring, because this is Ohio.
"Oh, I see. You play golf with the golf game."
It's going to be a long winter.]]>
The Maze Runner: Not a Pile of Klunktag:www.geektress.com,2011://1.7522011-12-06T16:17:03Z2011-12-27T12:56:56Z I have decided to make it my mission to read as many Young Adult dystopian narratives as I possibly can. Mostly because I like them, but also because I’m trying to figure out why I like them. I like...Careyhttp://www.facebook.com/gypsycab79
I have decided to make it my mission to read as many Young Adult dystopian narratives as I possibly can. Mostly because I like them, but also because I’m trying to figure out why I like them. I like them the same way I like zombie apocalypse books. There’s something super attractive about a world where most people are gone and the survivors are left to remake things the in the way they want. Or there’s the scenario where the world has been remade and it’s going to hell so it’s up to a scrappy band of teens to fix it. However, this attraction hinges on the fact that first, I’d be one of the survivors and second, I’d be in charge. Considering I’m too fat to outrun zombies and I have a constitution of about -10, it’s unlikely that I would survive any world altering destruction. But, a girl can dream…]]>
And that brings me to my latest reading pick: The Maze Runner, by James Dashner. Amazon has been yelling at me that if I love The Hunger Games (and I do), then I would also love The Maze Runner. Amazon lies.
I didn’t hate the book, and I am reading the sequel, The Scorch Trials, right now. But The Maze Runner is no Hunger Games. In a nutshell, we have Thomas, who wakes up in an elevator, knowing nothing about his life – not even how old he is or his last name. The elevator opens on a place called The Glade, surrounded by a huge, seemingly unsolvable maze, and Thomas is roughly greeted by a group of about 50 teenage boys who have the same memory issues but have been living in The Glade for anywhere from 1 month to 2 years. They’ve built a primitive society for themselves mostly because the alternative would be to give up and cry themselves to death.
The boys don’t really pay much attention to Thomas – they get one boy in the elevator on the same day every month. This is old hat. But then, on the next day, a girl gets delivered and she has a message. Hijinks ensue.
My biggest problem with The Maze Runner is there wasn’t a whole lot of depth to Thomas or the other boys. Part of this is because none of the boys have memories from before their time in The Glade. Thomas is our point of view character and he can’t remember squat. No one can. While this is an interesting issue the characters have to face, their memory loss made it really hard for me to care about anyone.
The characters had no basis for their own personality traits, so I found it hard to care when one of them did something heroic or heinous. There were a few characters who had jumbled memories of the past after being stung by Grievers – huge nasty beasts made of blubber and needles that roamed the maze outside. However, none of these characters discuss their new found memories except in cryptic bursts of anger. At one point, Dashner suggests that the boys are unable to discuss their memories, but this seems weak since most of the boys simply seem to choose silence.
The Maze Runner had plenty of plot. I was antsy from the get go to know what was going on and who was behind this weird little civilization of teenage boys. I had a hard time putting the book down because I had to find out. But a need to know was my driving force in finishing the book, as opposed to any real concern for the characters. Serious shit goes down toward the end and Thomas has a few moments where he tries to have a personality, but it was too little too late. I really wanted to feel something, anything for these boys and one girl, and I just couldn’t.
The Maze Runner was too easy of a read. And yeah, I know it was a YA book, but YA doesn’t mean dumbed down. I just didn’t feel engaged with the characters or Dashner’s writing style. We find out that Thomas is roughly 16 years old, but Dashner’s writing makes him seem more like 12. Thomas just doesn’t have the depth of thought or reactions of a 16 year old and so at times it was hard to relate to him. I’m going to forge ahead with the other two novels in this trilogy because I do want to get to the bottom of who was behind The Glade, and because I hope Dashner grows as a writer and Thomas grows as a character. The signs of such are promising.
]]>
Merlin Times: Coming to a Strip Mall Near Youtag:www.geektress.com,2011://1.7532011-12-05T16:28:00Z2011-12-26T13:46:23Z I will be the first to admit that Laura and I talk about Merlin way too much. I don't even know how we keep finding new things to discuss. Although, to be fair, we somehow kept ourselves discussing Smallville...Brenhttp://www.geektress.com/about.php#brenda
I will be the first to admit that Laura and I talk about Merlin way too much. I don't even know how we keep finding new things to discuss. Although, to be fair, we somehow kept ourselves discussing Smallville for far longer than we should have. Since Merlin is supposedly based on the idea of Smallville (and it happens to be better than Smallville,) I guess it shouldn't be a surprise at all that we spend our free time planning ways to expand our love for Merlin and pizza to include the whole world.]]>
Brenda: LET'S START A NEW THEME RESTAURANT! MERLIN TIMES!
Laura: I am totally for Merlin times theme restaurant. They have a theme park attraction type thing in England. Or maybe Wales.
Brenda:They do have a festival in Wales.
Laura: They added a dragon to Warwick Castle and were like "LOOK! We have sold out to a popular TV show to gain your tourist dollars!" Basically, I'm saying I want to go.
Brenda: My mom really liked when I made her go to Medieval Times because cute guys dressed as Knights hold doors for you and call you "M'lady." I would be such a wenchy whorebag if I lived in Merlin times.
Laura: Well, yeah, and in Merlin times the dudes were super hot and clean, which is nothing like actual times that Merlin would take place in.
Brenda: But Merlin Times the theme restaurant could be like anything. THERE ARE NO RULES. We serve pizza because they may have! You just don't know!
Laura: Sure. Though, based on the TV show, everyone eats chicken constantly.
Brenda: It combines Medieval Times and Harry Potter, basically. Everyone gets a wand and a sword and a taco.
Laura: Everything has to be really shiny. That's my favorite thing about Excalibur. Everything looks like it was washed with Cascade.
Brenda: We can have an anamatronic Julie Andrews singing Lusty Month of May for no reason.
Laura: And the actual Sam Neill, also for no reason.
Brenda: Maybe the only game at Merlin Times is a dart game where you throw darts at Lancelot. You don't get tickets or prizes, just satisfaction.
Laura: Best game ever! Though people don't always get why I hate all Lancelots ever (except for Goulet).
Brenda: Can we have Will Ferrell dressed as Robert Goulet dressed as Lancelot at our grand opening?
Laura: No, because I really like Robert Goulet. Those impersonations were mean. Poor Goulet. He's dead. Show some respect.
Brenda: I am! For instance, this is the second Goulet conversation I've had today.
We decided that while Merlin Times Pizzeria would be cost-effective and fun, no one wants to deal with cleaning out the ball pit. ]]>
The Passage: Kind of like Watership Down with Vampirestag:www.geektress.com,2011://1.7512011-11-29T16:21:37Z2011-12-20T15:28:01Z I think I started reading The Passage by Justin Cronin back in August. It had been on my must read list for a while and it remained that way until recently. I kept getting distracted by other books I...Careyhttp://www.facebook.com/gypsycab79
I think I started reading The Passage by Justin Cronin back in August. It had been on my must read list for a while and it remained that way until recently. I kept getting distracted by other books I had to read for reviews or paper writing but a couple of weeks ago, I decided I would sit down and finish The Passage if it killed me.
It didn’t kill me, but the book left me feeling drained. Other reviewers have compared it to The Road by Cormac McCarthy, and yeah, that’s an apt comparison to an extent. Except Cronin uses quotation marks with his dialogue and the end of The Passage doesn’t make you want to shoot yourself in the face. [Oh, so I guess the book was like that, too? -Ed.]]]>
I’m more inclined to compare The Passage to Watership Down. But with people instead of bunnies and vampires instead of evil farmers.
I should probably say that I enjoyed reading this book. I did. I love post apocalyptic survival stories. I love futuristic what-if scenarios. Basically, the first part of the book deals with the very near future – an America that we know. We follow Special Agent Wolgast (who I pictured as looking like Vampire Bill from True Blood, even though he’s not a vampire – weird) as he collects prisoners from facilities all across the country and brings them to a super secret lab for some seriously messed up scientific experimentation and shit. But then Wolgast is asked to pick up an abandoned child for the same creepy purposes and this doesn’t sit right with him.
This girl, Amy, is only six. As is to be expected, this crazy science stuff gets out of control and the drastically altered inmates bust loose, spreading their murderous virus all over the country. Wolgast escapes with Amy. 94 years pass. Then, Amy shows up at what appears to be the last holdout of humankind. She’s 14.
What the shit?
Of course, Amy’s arrival means change for this colony and that’s where the real story starts. The Passage is a brick, at almost 800 pages, and at times it felt even longer. One of my professors back in the day once told me to start a story as late as possible to provide readers with a sense of suspense and wonder. Cronin however, does the opposite and starts way too soon, cramming in way too much information throughout, so that nothing ever comes as a surprise.
Despite being an enjoyable survival/adventure narrative, The Passage could have been edited down. I felt like Cronin wasn’t sure whose story he was trying to tell. The book has an ensemble cast, but many plot threads just sort of peter out, amounting to not much of import. Without spoiling much, Cronin spends too much time in First Colony before Amy’s arrival. We spin our wheels in First Colony for a couple of hundred pages before anything happens. And when something finally does happen, the characters we’re left with seem to hop from one conflict to the next with long periods of waiting in between.
I feel like Cronin worked really hard on world and character development and then couldn’t bear to leave any detail out when it came time to actually write the story down. And the narrative is schizophrenic. Is this Amy’s story? We spend a lot of time with her in the beginning – enough so that when she shows up again, it’s no surprise. But when Amy reappears, we’re stuck with a new main character – Peter – who has all the personality of a wet noodle. And Amy is now mute. So, is this Peter’s story now? Cronin also occasionally inserts a chapter here and there from minor character POVs that scream: Pay attention! With this odd chapter, I am imparting to you valuable information even though you will never hear from this character again!
There’s no mystery. That’s what all this bitching boils down to. The Passage was a good read and if you like post apocalyptic survival stories, give it a shot. But what you read is what you get. No plot point, no character action comes as any sort of surprise because Cronin tells us everything we need to know about any given character right off the bat. There’s no sense of suspense. We know what’s going on with Amy when she reappears. We know everything. When Peter is finally let in on the big mystery of why the world is the way it is, we’ve already known for 700 pages. There is no big reveal because the readers have known all along. His discovery is anticlimactic. It even comes off as a “duh” moment.
That being said, I’m looking forward to reading The Twelve (The Passage is the first in a trilogy) when it comes out in the spring. A few things at the very, very end crop up that make reading the next volume mandatory. Plus, I just plain like Amy. I’m curious to see where Cronin takes her from here.
]]>
Geektress Guide to Internet Shoppingtag:www.geektress.com,2011://1.6732011-11-29T04:02:15Z2011-12-20T01:36:56Z For comics lovers, there are a ton of great sales going on today. First and foremost is Dark Horse Digital, who are offering 134 Star Wars comics for $100. Threadless is selling all their t-shirts for $10, including the...Brenhttp://www.geektress.com/about.php#brenda
For comics lovers, there are a ton of great sales going on today. First and foremost is Dark Horse Digital, who are offering 134 Star Wars comics for $100. Threadless is selling all their t-shirts for $10, including the ones by comic book artists. If you want original art, check out your favorite creator's Etsy store. For instance, Sean Dove will take 20% off your order if you use the code "CYBERMEN" in his Etsy print shop. And all Ten East Read items by Christiann at Stickcomics are 25% off until Wednesday! (Enter THANX11 at checkout.)
Plus, you can go to Amazon and save on pretty much any tv box set or dvd or blu-ray you're hoping to get this Christmas.]]>
toaster necklace is now available online. There are new items at their store, too, including a Cat Staggs designed t-shirt. Every order gets a free Yoda pin. ThinkGeek is offering shipping free (to the contiguous states) with the code CYBERMONDAY, or you can get $10 off $50+ orders with the code CYBERMONDAY10.
For grown-up designer toy lovers, everything at Mimoco is 25% off, with free shipping over $50. Local Columbus store Rivet is closed on Mondays, but is having a cyber Monday sale at their online store! And if you go directly to Shawn Smith's Shawnimals Shop, use code SOFTER1130 for 5 x 30% off coupons; SOFTER1120 for 10 x 20% off coupons, SOFTER1110 for unlimited 10% off coupons, OR, enter the phrase CHARMING! in the notes of any order to enter a chance to win a free set of Ninjatown Zipper Charms. Any sized order! Even if you use another coupon code!
If you're trying to stay squeaky clean, you can receive 30% off your order using the code CYBER30 plus a free snowman soap set with orders $50.00 or over at LoveLee Soaps, or stop by Geeky Clean to get five soaps and get one free! (You should check out her label work, great art going on from Sara at Two Bit Art.)
For the quilters and crafters among us, Spoonflower is having a two-for-one sale on fat quarters the ENTIRE week, not just today. For the curious, a fat quarter is a quarter of a yard of fabric, but cut as an 18 x 22" rectangle instead of a long strip of fabric. And Spoonflower usually sells those for $14, so $7 is quite a bargain for uniquely-printed fabric. (We've mentioned Green Couch Studio's adorable Dr. Who print before, now's the chance to get some at a discount.)
And if you're wondering what we're interested in getting for the holidays, we made a list!
For Carey, you could perhaps get her a mustache tote bag, or perhaps the Cthulhu Christmas sweater. And of course, every girl wants to sport a narwhal brooch, because duh.
For the home, try keeping calm with cupcakes. You can create an awesome floating bookshelf out of books using the invisible bookshelf organizer. If you've got quite a lot of money in your budget for new furniture, Katie Thompson recycles refrigerators, old suitcases, and more. My personal favorite is this blue suitcase chair, which I have nowhere to put but who cares? You can also wallpaper your bathroom to look like the inside of the Tardis, or fool your friends in to thinking you're Willy Wonka but spreading some Gummi Bear lamps around the apartment.
For your pets: Maybe grab a Space Invaders collar, or a Death Star catnip toy. You could also express your devotion to Mike Norton's Battlepugs (or maybe your own pugs) with these juice glasses from Bread and Badger. Or just go to ThinkGeek and get the Bonsai Kitty to grow your own.
Carey recently purchased the Kirk/Spock salt and pepper shakers for her Trek-obsessed stepmom. [Which is salt and which is pepper? I'm trying to figure out which seasoning is more logical. Kirk is probably saltier. ~Laura] You could also show your Starfleet loyalty by tacking this Trek fish emblem on your car.
Francene has this Fights Like A Girl tee on her list, as well as Ninja salt and pepper shakers. [These ninjas are adorable. I would use these for every day and Kirk and Spock for special occasions. ~Laura] Personally I prefer the Johnny Castle t-shirt, but we've established already that Laura and Francene mock my sincere love of Dirty Dancing.
Laura: I really like socks. These are space socks. That makes them even better. Also, really cute. And, MY pie! You ca't have any. (That's why I want mini pies, right there.) Breville has a Personal Pie maker.Brenda:Being Star Wars obsessed, myself, I can't pass up showing you what I put on my Wish List this year. First would be Mimoco's Han Solo in carbonite usb drive carrying case (and of course there is an unfrozen Han drive inside.) I may seriously get an X-Wing Pilot hoodie for myself if no one else does, that jacket is pretty cool without being as totally dorktastic as the Yavin jacket I had on my list earlier. And then there are the new licensed Moleskins that feature two different Star Wars designs. [I have absolutely no need for more notebooks, but these are a necessity. ~Laura]
Whatever you're doing today -- making leftovers, wrapping presents from Black Friday, trimming a tree, prepping the Channukah bush, oiling the Kwanzaa bot -- be safe and have fun. Don't step over anyone having a heart attack. Try not to get in to too much troubles, okay?
]]>
Pre Thanksgiving Linkstag:www.geektress.com,2011://1.7482011-11-23T13:28:00Z2011-12-14T11:04:50Z Hope you have a happy Turkey day! And if you're not in the U.S., hope you have a great Thursday. Links are after the jump!...Francenehttp://eibmoz.tumblr.com/
Hope you have a happy Turkey day! And if you're not in the U.S., hope you have a great Thursday. Links are after the jump!]]>
Honestly,if you dont tear up at Soldiers Reunited with Dogs (new one, trust me) I fear for your soul.
The Dr Who Christmas Special Trailer!!! I mean, whatever, I dont care. Shhh.
When your relatives drive you crazy, just go here, to the Fluffington Post.You will have to smile. It also reminds me of this Mighty Boosh episode.
]]>
Under the Skintag:www.geektress.com,2011://1.7502011-11-22T16:39:07Z2011-12-13T12:15:09Z Under the Skin is a novel by Michel Faber, first published in 2000. In 2010 the movie version was greenlit, with Jonathan Glazer (Sexy Beast) directing and Scarlett Johannson starring. Glazer had been working on an adaptation of the...Brenhttp://www.geektress.com/about.php#brenda
Under the Skin is a novel by Michel Faber, first published in 2000. In 2010 the movie version was greenlit, with Jonathan Glazer (Sexy Beast) directing and Scarlett Johannson starring. Glazer had been working on an adaptation of the book for five years before filming started. The protagonist, Isserley, is a female from a species of alien that is apparently four-legged and furry. She shaves, gets a boob job, and stands upright to try and abduct human hitchhikers along the A9 in Scotland.
At no point in the book does ScarJo's character (now renamed "Laura," according to IMDb?) rescue a surfer. (Seen above.)]]>
Inception, even though in my opinion that ties things up neatly at the end with a tiny bit of flotsam with a top to cast some intrigue at the conclusion.)
At first I was worried that the premise (aliens posing as humans to capture Earthlings and fatten them for slaughter to send back home,) was some sort of thinly veiled metaphor for why we should all become vegan. But Faber does something interesting by giving each hitchhiker a point of view passage in every chapter. Their running commentary is almost never flattering to their character, with a few exceptions that end up being bad choices for Isserley. (She strives to only pick up hitchers that won't be missed by anyone in particular.) The book is almost entirely about how Isserley feels used and mistreated by men, the elitist class, and her own species in general.
Which means, since she isolates herself from the rest of the characters in the book (all male), the novel is almost entirely her internal monologue. While that's interesting, it makes it hard to translate to film. I had a chat with Francene about all this, here's what happened:
Brenda: I'm glad it wasn't a metaphor for veganism. Also I like how even aliens value dogs over human lives.
Francene: I think I like it so much because it was the opposite of what I thought when I read the cover at the store, and I liked the weird sadness and such. Also, I dont think it is the greatest of all books, but I didnt think it would be well suited to film.
Brenda: I think it would be a terrible film as-is.
Francene: It was just sad to me, the sacrifices she made.
Brenda: That was an interesting section towards the end, when it was pointed out to her that she has it hard, but she made that choice, when others have it hard and have no choice. But the book is like 90% her thoughts and feelings.
Francene: That is what made it interesting. I thought it was a serial killer until she took him home. But, if you look at a movie like the Minus Man, that was almost entirely in his head, and that did work. And I hate Owen Wilson.
I mentioned in the podcast that Isserley's physical appearance is much discussed, specifically the size of the boobs (which to an alien would seem like a feature humans put a lot of importance on) they decided to give her. So of course when you think "Who's young in Hollywood with great tits?", you're going to think ScarJo. But Isserley has also undergone a lot of other plastic surgery to make her look more like a real biped, including having fingers removed and wearing thick glasses (despite not needing them) to hide her bug-eyes.
Brenda: Have you seen any of the pictures from the movie set? Because she's not wearing glasses. And other than the boobs, the glasses are talked about a lot.
Francene: Yeah, that was a big deal because they hid her alienosity. I will have to see it, if only to see what they did.
Brenda: I'm going to have to see it now, too, if only to bitch about how much different it was from the book and earn my hipster cred. Except we all know hipsters can't read.
Francene: They can read their Kindles by the light of a kerosene lamp, duh!
Brenda: It's a shame it looks like they're setting this movie in 1987 for some reason. I would continue to root for the alien steak farm if it were about picking up hipsters.
Francene: Hipsters would yield very little meat. But they are free range and grass fed.
Corrected for accuracy. Even features her character's double-triple-whatever-jointed-ness. The handcuffs are the symbol of her oppression. And then also, boobs.
]]>
The Venture Bros. Press Hour - Part Twotag:www.geektress.com,2011://1.6742011-11-21T15:53:10Z2011-12-12T11:30:48Z (Click to Embiggen.) So, we failed to bring you the entire transcription of this press conference because typing is tiring. To recap: there was a Venture Bros. panel for press before the panel for the general public at New...Brenhttp://www.geektress.com/about.php#brenda
(Click to Embiggen.)
So, we failed to bring you the entire transcription of this press conference because typing is tiring. To recap: there was a Venture Bros. panel for press before the panel for the general public at New York Comic Con, and since I didn't go to the latter, I am bringing you a transcript of the former, hoping it's unique and original. Enjoy.]]>
Question: Now that you have the next two seasons ordered, does that change your writing approach in any way?
Jackson: We have changed our approach, but not because of that.
Hammer: It does give us the sense that we can do longer arcs, because before we were always ready to be canceled.
Jackson: We had that for season 3 and 4, it gave us the bravery to take side roads into other characters.
Hammer: We're undisciplined children.
Jackson: We're taking criticisms from each other better than we used to.
Hammer: Yeah, it's easier to argue. Before, if one of us didn't like something the other person did, there were feelings involved. Now it's like an actual discussion. Our relationship is... You know what we do? This is one of my favorite things about the relationship that Jackson and I have: If I say "If you can, on your way to the 'Base, bring me a pack of cigarettes" or something, and he just brings it. I don't pay him. When I bring something, he doesn't pay me. That's a great relationship. There's no: "Hold on, how much was it, eight bucks?" We just know that we're gonna be here tomorrow, and we can keep bringing the cigarettes. Please find an over-arching beautiful sentiment that is embodied in that statement to make it pertinent, so it doesn't seem like an anecdote that has no payoff.
Like a common law marriage!Hammer: Like a common law marriage! Where did you get that shirt, it should be ILLEGAL! [Fella was wearing a HENCH shirt.]
Question: Are the flashbacks to Rusty Venture as a boy actual parts of his life or are they part of the Rusty Venture show? Hammer: The actual cartoon that they show inside of the Venture Bros. --
Jackson: -- is heavily stylized.
Hammer: Much more stylized. There's a grain effect to it to look like it was transfered from film. It has no real humor to it, it was a brutal show.
[Sidebar: They finish each other's sentences, isn't that the first sign of being an old married couple? Nevermind the cigarettes metaphor.]Question: Would you ever consider doing an entire episode like that?Hammer: I would LOVE to do that. Any of these hypotheticals that you're suggesting, we'd love to do! We love our characters. You can't come up with a dumb enough idea. We think it all sounds great. But we never get enough time to do them.
Question: What would you do if you had no restrictions?Hammer: We would use more songs that we didn't have to pay for, from pop culture. We'd use a lot of things that exist in pop culture that we're not allowed to say.
Jackson: We'd have people wear name brand clothes, and have posters on the wall.
Hammer: We'd have Homeboy figurines. I would make a lot of fist-fucking jokes. Just a ton. A constant barrage of the ugliness of getting fisted.
Jackson: Creatively, we're not really held back.
Hammer: Except for the fist-fucking.
Jackson: Legal stuff is kinda the only stuff we don't get to do. Occasionally, the sexy stuff. But it's not like we fight for it. "C'MON, WE WANNA DO FIST FUCKING!"
Hammer: "THIS SUCKS, THIS IS CENSORSHIP, YOU NAZIS!"
Jackson: For the most part, we haven't gotten notes from Standards and Practices in a really long time. We couldn't pee on the mummy, we had to fight for that. And the alligator couldn't be frightening when we killed it. We're allowed to do more now because Family Guy came along and was doing this kind of stuff, and we said "They're doing it at 8 o'clock on network tv, you won't let us show it at 11pm on Cartoon Network?" So that kind of eased things up.
Hammer: I would use more characters that exist that we didn't get to use. We could have an episode where we don't do a parody of Batman, Batman is there, and we don't have to worry about the legal repurcussions of having Batman as a nemesis.
Question: Was Shallow Gravy a one hit wonder?Hammer: Wow, I don't think there was a wonder or a hit involved.
Jackson: I know a lot of people who were pretty obsessed with that jacket song. My friend's band is planning on trying to cover it.
Hammer: Awesome. I'll get them the sheet music. It was a one-obsession special. It wasn't a one hit wonder. Although their EP that included that song in different versions because of [?] they know that they just wrote Too Shy. But they're no Kajagoogoo, my friends. They're no Nick Beggs.
Question: Who is?Hammer: Nick Beggs is.
Question: Did you ever imagine when you first created this that you'd still be on the air in 2011?Jackson: Yes and no.
Hammer: When were you imagining this?
Jackson: I never would've imagined that it would take ten years to get to season four. So that part, I would've said "NO WAY! Who makes two year seasons?" Sometimes you daydream about garbage like that [that a show will be on that long] but you don't really think about it when you're making it. We didn't expect it to catch on too much. We thought maybe we'll be successful enough to stay on, but we're never going to be a big mainstream thing. We'll be a cult hit, and we're happy with it. We also thought we'd probably be done by season three or four, creatively. When three and four got greenlit we both were like "That'll do it," right?
Hammer: Yeah.
Jackson: And we were ready for the finale and came up with three of the episodes you're going to see next season. We weren't ready to end it. So we were like "Tell the agents we'll sign a new contract!" It's weird, we're really excited actually. We're pretty keyed up to write these. We're really happy about the show, and creatively we're really in to making the show right now.
Hammer: Which is good for looking back on the show, it's gonna suck for you next season. All great things appear as crap when originally aired. You'll watch it and be like "Oooh, they ruined the show," and then you'll go back and watch it and go "Wow, that was the best season ever."
Jackson: So right now, people think season four sucked. And those people used to think season three sucked.
Hammer: Wait till season five! Season four will be AWESOME because season five sucked so bad! Then when season six comes out, everyone will love season six immediately. I don't know why. It's just gonna push all the right buttons. "It's almost like season five, this season six, which we loved immediately. That means season five is awesome, and we didn't even know this!" ...I'm just bullshitting. Through exuberance I can sell you anything.
Question: Are there any plans to expand the Venture Universe in comic books?Hammer: We can barely get the show on. Do you know how long it takes to write these episodes?
Question: Could you get someone else to write it?Jackson: We talk about it sometimes.
Hammer: We do.
Jackson: We're such control freaks we'd have to find someone we like who's interested. It would depend on who they suggest as a writer or an artist. I kind of dig letting go and seeing what somebody who's actually in to it could do if it doesn't change our show.
Hammer: When we're still on the air -- here's my problem. Wait 'til we get canceled and then just clog the market with crap. That's when you do that. Because when we're still making it, to have a substandard thing -- and I'm only saying substandard because Jackson and I won't be doing it, and it would just be substandard because we are great --
Jackson: We're the gold standard. It comes up once in a while. We're not NOT interested.
Hammer: What happens is it's like Splinter of the Mind's Eye where you're like "Did that really happen to Darth Vader? Is it apocryphal? Is it part of canon?"
Jackson: Don't you WANT to be part of that nerd discussion? That happens to everything you love.
Hammer: One day I'll grow my neck out and sit back and go "How we doin?"
Question: Why do you name some rock stars by name (like David Bowie) and others you don't?Jackson: Our lawyers have asked us not to.
Hammer: Our lawyers have asked us to stop mentioning rock stars.
Jackson: We never fully understand the definition of parody, from a legal sense.
Hammer: Sometimes we've had it right.
Jackson: Sometimes you have to figure out how to say what you want to say without really saying it.
Question: Would you ever do a movie?Hammer: If someone wants to make a movie and they come running at us with money shooting out of their ears, and an actual plan, then we'll discuss it. For us to just jump in to a movie, we wouldn't say no to it...
Jackson: I would love to make a movie. I love movies.
Hammer: Movies are great. But no one wants to make a crappy movie.
Question: If you ever could create a Venture Bros. video game, what type of game genre would it fall in to?Hammer: I can't play video games, I get sick. I get motion sickness, simulation sickness. I own many game stations. I buy them thinking "This time, it will work," and I'll play it once and then never want to see it again.
Jackson: You get obsessed. Like the thing with Jango Fett and Boba Fett.
Hammer: That was fun, but I got a terrible headache.
Jackson: I don't know how a Venture Bros. video game would work like with a Medal of Honor thing.
Hammer: I tried to play the L.A. Noir and got like two scenes in and was like "I don't care. I don't care what this guy does anymore, I just want to turn this game off."
Question: What about pong?Hammer: I played when I was a child. I also buy those games, like at K-Mart that you just plug right in to get the game --
Those don't induce motion sickness, then.Hammer: But they're not fun. It's a little dot.
Jackson: The camera doesn't move. If you went on one of those rides where you don't go anywhere but the screen moves, you would get sick.
Hammer: I would get sick just looking at that ride. I get sick playing Jewelz. "Things are falling in to place, oh God, I'm nauseous!"
Question: Are we ever going to get any more Jasper McVain songs?Hammer: Jasper lives in England. So to get more in the show --
Jackson: Do you mean are we going to put more in the show or are there any more?
Question: ARE there any more?Hammer: Yeah, there are still different Jasper McVain songs. But Rev Me Up is such a great song, it's inspirational. It's hard to listen to that with my pants on.
Question: Is there any chance that there will be a Venture Bros. / Super Jail crossover?Hammer: Those two worlds don't exist together, they're not part of the same world. Hank *might* watch Super Jail and then wonder if anyone else sees it, like it's part of a fever dream he had.
Question: Any chance of a musical episode?Hammer: Can I say no? Because that's horrible. The little kid in me is screaming "NO! NO! Don't ruin it!"
Jackson: I retreat from that, but then I want to do it. Sometimes you just want to do terrible things. "Don't you just hate evil twin episodes? Man, we gotta do an evil twin episode."
Hammer: I don't want to do a musical episode.
Jackson: Mike's always trying to talk us in to doing the "I'm Rusty" musical. And that, we've actually been kicking around, but we would never do a full musical. Well, we can't say we'd never do it --
Hammer: NO, we CAN.
Jackson: We almost tried to write an episode where a musical is being made. It's being rehearsed. But it's so Family Guy. They like showtunes. We're not good at showtunes, we're not big showtunes guys. Family Guy does that stuff and they're good at it.
Question: Is there any chance the kiss between Dr. Mrs. and 21 is going to be important going forward?Hammer: It has resonance, yes. Is it explored, no, because of the fisting involved. We talked to the network and they hate the fisting.
Jackson: If we can figure out a way to do it without fisting, once you take the fisting out...
Hammer: It's not romantic anymore. Everything that happens on the show really happened. And we'll move forward as if these events have occured. Until J.R. wakes up. It's all happening in a snow globe.
Question: Do you have something in mind for after Venture Bros.?Hammer: Well, as you know, we are international playboys. So aside from Venture Bros --
Jackson: We'd do a lot more boogying.
Hammer: Yeah, we LOVE TO BOOGIE. We love the night life. After that, we'd go to a dig in Cairo, maybe Monaco again, keep it real.
Jackson: If you're asking if we have a bunch of side projects that we're working on, not yet, but we will make some.
Hammer: We just wrote a Liam Neeson movie! Boom! That's the kind of intellectual creative power you're dealing with. We're a machine. A FISTING MACHINE. I was personally offended that they didn't contact Jackson and I for the Doctor Strange movie. OFFENDED! Like actually angry!
Jackson: Like how we were when they didn't call us about the Johnny Quest movie.
Hammer: OFFENDED! We didn't write and tell anybody that we wanted to do it, but since they didn't call us, I'm indignant. Insane! I think that people should be thinking "HOW could we move foward WITHOUT them?" You can get me on Facebook! It's that easy! I'm so easy to find, you could just write me a little message: "We're doing a Doctor Strange movie, would you be interested?" Interested?! I have notebooks upon notebooks of ideas for Doctor Strange! I've been making that pitch since I was eight years old. I can just walk in to a room and go "Are you ready? For the greatest Doctor Strange movie ever made?" And they'll go "We never made a Doctor Strange movie," and I'll be like "Yeah, it was a really crappy one." Remember that Doctor Strange movie where he spent an hour knocking on doors?
Jackson: Yeah, in the 70s.
Hammer: We could make a better movie than that, it would be great and it would be funny.
Jackson: Let's make sure we see him go through every door, every room.
Hammer: In the 70s, they'd have three page scripts and they'd make a half hour show out of it. Watch any tv show from the 70s, it's very padded. But the Doctor Strange movie has him knocking on doors and it being the wrong door. No relevance to the plot whatsoever! Just knocking on the doors and saying "Oh! I'm sorry!" They padded it with him not getting the directions right! There was nothing to do with anything, he didn't look inside the doorway to see if there was a person handling a magic object -- you've seen our show right? We take about 40 pages and JAM IT in to 24 minutes.
Jackson: And then cut those down to 22.
Hammer: Yeah. If you miss a joke, we don't give a shit. If you give us an hour, it's not like we're going to be disciplined. We'll jam that thing in. You could watch it seven times and every time you watch it it'll be a totally different movie. The Mad Libs of film.
Question: Is there any aspect of the show that the fandom has latched on to and surprised you?Hammer: What people like in our show is always different. There are some people that really like the soap opera aspect, the continuity. There are other people who are just dependent on it.
Jackson: There are people who are like "Why can't it be more like Season One, where it's funny?" And then there are people who ask if we're going to do a season of ten parts where it's one long story.
Hammer: I'm always amazed that two people watch the same show and one of them is watching an entirely different show that the other person. That amazes me.
Jackson: They're both a little frustrated, but they both keep watching.
Hammer: We can't decide what we are, either. We cater to both those idiots. We are those idiots.
Jackson: It still surprises me how a certain section of the audience really loves Dean and Triana. Really surprised that people still ask when Kim is going to be back.
Hammer: That surprises me. She's pretentious.
We sent the Dr. Mrs. The Monarch Cheerleader your way.Hammer: Thank you, that was nice. I appreciate anybody dressing up as our characters, because it makes it weird in my head.
Jackson: They're head trippy characters.
Hammer: When they're mildly sexualized, I like it even more. But when I see people dressed up as Henchmen, I think they're real. Because they WOULD go to comic con. And they would wear their uniforms.
Jackson (as 24): "I'm not wearing it, it's gay. I'm going as Seinfeld."
Question: What costume from the show have you seen that surprised you the most? Is there any you haven't seen that you'd love to see?Jackson: We saw some pictures from Dragon*Con that were some really amazing ones.
Hammer: AMAZING!
Jackson: Lots of Shore Leaves, which I was really happy to see.
Hammer: Two different styled Shore Leaves. There was S.P.H.I.N.X Shore Leave, and Shore Leave playing football on the lawn. "BOOM!"
Jackson: The most surprising one to me is the guy who did Jonas, Jr. He was sitting in a robot chair, it was amazing, really involved. Once you know people like all the weird crappy background guys, you know what's coming.
Hammer: And then we make more crappy background guys.
Question: What was your education? I know Doc went to school in Boston--Hammer: I am a college drop out. I dropped out of the School of the Museum of Fine Arts. I was a pottery major, which you can see is very handy today. I can throw porcelain.
Jackson: I dropped out of Rutger's University after I'd been going for four years. I'd forget to drop classes, so I would fail them.
Hammer: When you're a fine arts major, to show what you have, what do you need with a degree? Majoring in fine arts is like majoring in not being home with your mom. Majoring in throwing money down the toilet. They're not teaching you the fundamentals. The dadaists ruined that bullshit for you. So since the 1960s -- I was being taught by people who learned in the 1960s, when nobody could fucking paint. Think about it, what are they going to teach you? They hate Caravaggio, he doesn't mean anything to them. All they kept telling me was "You're never as good as you were when you were a child!" What? I couldn't draw a fucking house! How much money am I giving you to revert me back to my crayon stage!
[end transmission]
Oh, it's always good when you end on a rant.]]>
This episode will screw with you. I suppose it's not totally unreasonable to expect that Uther will eventually die, as he eventually dies in all Arthurian legend, because people die. It's fairly surprising that in an episode with so much campy "old Merlin", it would end with Arthur being crowned king.
But there you go, I just spoilered this entire season / series / episode / life for you if you haven't seen the show. If you do want to start watching, it plays in the U.S. on Friday nights at 10pm on SyFy.]]>
I love how the one thing the entire season Morgana plans and does correctly she's mopey about.
]]>
]]>
A while back, I did a review of The Maze Runner, by James Dashner. I believe I said something about potential and that The Maze Runner had issues but I was confident Dashner would work through those in the The Scorch Trials. I am back to tell you that I totally lied.]]>
The Scorch Trials got off to a promising start but fizzled fairly quickly under one convoluted plotline after another. Just writing about it now kind of makes me want to smash my head into my desk until I get a concussion. We finish The Maze Runner with Thomas, Teresa, and the Gladers being rescued and making it to saftey after their harrowing experiences in the Maze. However, this rescue mission was just another test given by WICKED (the group that seems to be running things? Two books in and I still don't know). All of their rescuers are murdered and Thomas and the Gladers are given instructions: they've all been infected with a disease called the Flare, and have two weeks to travel 100 miles due north to reach a safe haven, where a cure awaits. Teresa goes missing early on and Thomas ends up separated from the other Gladers. He teams up with Brenda, a teen living in a city the government has abandoned to the Cranks - people who suffer from the gradual madness caused by the Flare. He promises her the cure if she will help him get to the safe haven.
Matters are further complicated by the arrival of a new boy - Aris - and the revelation that there was a second Maze full of all girls and Aris (the way Thomas' Maze was all boys and Teresa). This group of girls is also wandering around, and from what we gather from Aris, they aren't friendly.
Weird thing after weird thing happens to everyone involved. Thomas has plenty of opportunity from Brenda to learn about the world he can't remember, and while Brenda gives him some information, it isn't nearly enough for readers. In fact, I don't understand why Thomas doesn't make her sit down and tell him everything. I'm not a fan of huge info dumps, but Dashner gives his readers the bare minimum of background information. It's like Dashners' world is a giant fucking whale - a blue whale? - and he's only going to describe its blow hole. I didn't feel like I knew enough about this world or Thomas or WICKED to care who got screwed and who got saved. And by the end of The Scorch Trials, I don't think Dashner knows either. I feel like very little world building went into this series, and it shows with the complete lack of any detailed information beyond what any given character is actively doing in the present narrative. Not only do the characters know nothing - but they don't seem inclined to fix that.
]]>
If you're not following any of these fine folks on the tweeting mechanism, then you are probably missing out. Here are some of our favorite bon mots from the past month, and also pictures of attractive women with red velvet cake. (Photoshops compiled from requests to our Facebook, Twitter, and this blog.)]]>
@sarospice I'll vote for Mitt Romney if it turns out his first name is really Mittens.
[In response to the question: "What's your favorite Fringe episode?"] @henchman21 That one where Walter acts all crazy, Peter needlessly dumbs down scientific principles, and Olivia is kind of hot.
@sixthformpoet The more Twitter tells me it’s over Capacity, the more I suspect Twitter still loves Capacity and regularly sits outside her house, weeping.
@shawnries I don't know. A trench coat and hat doesn't seem like enough to disguise the fact that you're a mutant turtle carrying a sword.
This entry has zero informational content and, if you're a hetero male, might alienate you a little bit.
Too bad. When we were discussing what our 500th entry should be, first it was pointed out by Laura that we should call attention to being a website for over 4 years and only just now getting to 500 entries. Well done, us! We are awesome at procrastinating.
Second of all, we decided it should be awesome. And there is really nothing more awesome to us than cake, and also attractive men.
That's what you get here.]]>
I have decided to make it my mission to read as many Young Adult dystopian narratives as I possibly can. Mostly because I like them, but also because I’m trying to figure out why I like them. I like them the same way I like zombie apocalypse books. There’s something super attractive about a world where most people are gone and the survivors are left to remake things the in the way they want. Or there’s the scenario where the world has been remade and it’s going to hell so it’s up to a scrappy band of teens to fix it. However, this attraction hinges on the fact that first, I’d be one of the survivors and second, I’d be in charge. Considering I’m too fat to outrun zombies and I have a constitution of about -10, it’s unlikely that I would survive any world altering destruction. But, a girl can dream…]]>
And that brings me to my latest reading pick: The Maze Runner, by James Dashner. Amazon has been yelling at me that if I love The Hunger Games (and I do), then I would also love The Maze Runner. Amazon lies.
I didn’t hate the book, and I am reading the sequel, The Scorch Trials, right now. But The Maze Runner is no Hunger Games. In a nutshell, we have Thomas, who wakes up in an elevator, knowing nothing about his life – not even how old he is or his last name. The elevator opens on a place called The Glade, surrounded by a huge, seemingly unsolvable maze, and Thomas is roughly greeted by a group of about 50 teenage boys who have the same memory issues but have been living in The Glade for anywhere from 1 month to 2 years. They’ve built a primitive society for themselves mostly because the alternative would be to give up and cry themselves to death.
The boys don’t really pay much attention to Thomas – they get one boy in the elevator on the same day every month. This is old hat. But then, on the next day, a girl gets delivered and she has a message. Hijinks ensue.
My biggest problem with The Maze Runner is there wasn’t a whole lot of depth to Thomas or the other boys. Part of this is because none of the boys have memories from before their time in The Glade. Thomas is our point of view character and he can’t remember squat. No one can. While this is an interesting issue the characters have to face, their memory loss made it really hard for me to care about anyone.
The characters had no basis for their own personality traits, so I found it hard to care when one of them did something heroic or heinous. There were a few characters who had jumbled memories of the past after being stung by Grievers – huge nasty beasts made of blubber and needles that roamed the maze outside. However, none of these characters discuss their new found memories except in cryptic bursts of anger. At one point, Dashner suggests that the boys are unable to discuss their memories, but this seems weak since most of the boys simply seem to choose silence.
I think I started reading The Passage by Justin Cronin back in August. It had been on my must read list for a while and it remained that way until recently. I kept getting distracted by other books I had to read for reviews or paper writing but a couple of weeks ago, I decided I would sit down and finish The Passage if it killed me.
It didn’t kill me, but the book left me feeling drained. Other reviewers have compared it to The Road by Cormac McCarthy, and yeah, that’s an apt comparison to an extent. Except Cronin uses quotation marks with his dialogue and the end of The Passage doesn’t make you want to shoot yourself in the face. [Oh, so I guess the book was like that, too? -Ed.]]]>
I’m more inclined to compare The Passage to Watership Down. But with people instead of bunnies and vampires instead of evil farmers.
I should probably say that I enjoyed reading this book. I did. I love post apocalyptic survival stories. I love futuristic what-if scenarios. Basically, the first part of the book deals with the very near future – an America that we know. We follow Special Agent Wolgast (who I pictured as looking like Vampire Bill from True Blood, even though he’s not a vampire – weird) as he collects prisoners from facilities all across the country and brings them to a super secret lab for some seriously messed up scientific experimentation and shit. But then Wolgast is asked to pick up an abandoned child for the same creepy purposes and this doesn’t sit right with him.
This girl, Amy, is only six. As is to be expected, this crazy science stuff gets out of control and the drastically altered inmates bust loose, spreading their murderous virus all over the country. Wolgast escapes with Amy. 94 years pass. Then, Amy shows up at what appears to be the last holdout of humankind. She’s 14.
What the shit?
Of course, Amy’s arrival means change for this colony and that’s where the real story starts. The Passage is a brick, at almost 800 pages, and at times it felt even longer. One of my professors back in the day once told me to start a story as late as possible to provide readers with a sense of suspense and wonder. Cronin however, does the opposite and starts way too soon, cramming in way too much information throughout, so that nothing ever comes as a surprise.
For comics lovers, there are a ton of great sales going on today. First and foremost is Dark Horse Digital, who are offering 134 Star Wars comics for $100. Threadless is selling all their t-shirts for $10, including the ones by comic book artists. If you want original art, check out your favorite creator's Etsy store. For instance, Sean Dove will take 20% off your order if you use the code "CYBERMEN" in his Etsy print shop. And all Ten East Read items by Christiann at Stickcomics are 25% off until Wednesday! (Enter THANX11 at checkout.)
Plus, you can go to Amazon and save on pretty much any tv box set or dvd or blu-ray you're hoping to get this Christmas.]]>
toaster necklace is now available online. There are new items at their store, too, including a Cat Staggs designed t-shirt. Every order gets a free Yoda pin. ThinkGeek is offering shipping free (to the contiguous states) with the code CYBERMONDAY, or you can get $10 off $50+ orders with the code CYBERMONDAY10.
For grown-up designer toy lovers, everything at Mimoco is 25% off, with free shipping over $50. Local Columbus store Rivet is closed on Mondays, but is having a cyber Monday sale at their online store! And if you go directly to Shawn Smith's Shawnimals Shop, use code SOFTER1130 for 5 x 30% off coupons; SOFTER1120 for 10 x 20% off coupons, SOFTER1110 for unlimited 10% off coupons, OR, enter the phrase CHARMING! in the notes of any order to enter a chance to win a free set of Ninjatown Zipper Charms. Any sized order! Even if you use another coupon code!
If you're trying to stay squeaky clean, you can receive 30% off your order using the code CYBER30 plus a free snowman soap set with orders $50.00 or over at LoveLee Soaps, or stop by Geeky Clean to get five soaps and get one free! (You should check out her label work, great art going on from Sara at Two Bit Art.)
For the quilters and crafters among us, Spoonflower is having a two-for-one sale on fat quarters the ENTIRE week, not just today. For the curious, a fat quarter is a quarter of a yard of fabric, but cut as an 18 x 22" rectangle instead of a long strip of fabric. And Spoonflower usually sells those for $14, so $7 is quite a bargain for uniquely-printed fabric. (We've mentioned Green Couch Studio's adorable Dr. Who print before, now's the chance to get some at a discount.)
And if you're wondering what we're interested in getting for the holidays, we made a list!
For Carey, you could perhaps get her a mustache tote bag, or perhaps the Cthulhu Christmas sweater. And of course, every girl wants to sport a narwhal brooch, because duh.
Under the Skin is a novel by Michel Faber, first published in 2000. In 2010 the movie version was greenlit, with Jonathan Glazer (Sexy Beast) directing and Scarlett Johannson starring. Glazer had been working on an adaptation of the book for five years before filming started. The protagonist, Isserley, is a female from a species of alien that is apparently four-legged and furry. She shaves, gets a boob job, and stands upright to try and abduct human hitchhikers along the A9 in Scotland.
At no point in the book does ScarJo's character (now renamed "Laura," according to IMDb?) rescue a surfer. (Seen above.)]]>
Inception, even though in my opinion that ties things up neatly at the end with a tiny bit of flotsam with a top to cast some intrigue at the conclusion.)
At first I was worried that the premise (aliens posing as humans to capture Earthlings and fatten them for slaughter to send back home,) was some sort of thinly veiled metaphor for why we should all become vegan. But Faber does something interesting by giving each hitchhiker a point of view passage in every chapter. Their running commentary is almost never flattering to their character, with a few exceptions that end up being bad choices for Isserley. (She strives to only pick up hitchers that won't be missed by anyone in particular.) The book is almost entirely about how Isserley feels used and mistreated by men, the elitist class, and her own species in general.
Which means, since she isolates herself from the rest of the characters in the book (all male), the novel is almost entirely her internal monologue. While that's interesting, it makes it hard to translate to film. I had a chat with Francene about all this, here's what happened:
Brenda: I'm glad it wasn't a metaphor for veganism. Also I like how even aliens value dogs over human lives.
Francene: I think I like it so much because it was the opposite of what I thought when I read the cover at the store, and I liked the weird sadness and such. Also, I dont think it is the greatest of all books, but I didnt think it would be well suited to film.
Brenda: I think it would be a terrible film as-is.
Francene: It was just sad to me, the sacrifices she made.
Brenda: That was an interesting section towards the end, when it was pointed out to her that she has it hard, but she made that choice, when others have it hard and have no choice. But the book is like 90% her thoughts and feelings.
Francene: That is what made it interesting. I thought it was a serial killer until she took him home. But, if you look at a movie like the Minus Man, that was almost entirely in his head, and that did work. And I hate Owen Wilson.
I mentioned in the podcast that Isserley's physical appearance is much discussed, specifically the size of the boobs (which to an alien would seem like a feature humans put a lot of importance on) they decided to give her. So of course when you think "Who's young in Hollywood with great tits?", you're going to think ScarJo. But Isserley has also undergone a lot of other plastic surgery to make her look more like a real biped, including having fingers removed and wearing thick glasses (despite not needing them) to hide her bug-eyes.
Brenda: Have you seen any of the pictures from the movie set? Because she's not wearing glasses. And other than the boobs, the glasses are talked about a lot.
Francene: Yeah, that was a big deal because they hid her alienosity. I will have to see it, if only to see what they did.
Brenda: I'm going to have to see it now, too, if only to bitch about how much different it was from the book and earn my hipster cred. Except we all know hipsters can't read.
Francene: They can read their Kindles by the light of a kerosene lamp, duh!
Brenda: It's a shame it looks like they're setting this movie in 1987 for some reason. I would continue to root for the alien steak farm if it were about picking up hipsters.
Francene: Hipsters would yield very little meat. But they are free range and grass fed.
