On Saturday morning, I awoke at 6 am and then decided that was too damned early to be awake on a Saturday. So I decided to stay in bed as long as possible, which meant reading Twitter and, eventually, going through my nightstand looking for those issues of Casanova I bought a while back but never read.
What I stumbled upon was a bag of vintage comics I'd purchased probably two years ago at an antique store for $4 apiece. Included was Lois Lane #129, and Supergirl #2, both with amazing covers. Basically the recipe to get me to buy a silver or golden age comic is to have an amazing cover (the ones that are "cliffhangers" are my favorite) and to be less than $5. (Because I am not actually a collector, just cheap.)
The end result is me, lying in bed and tweeting my reactions, which I'll recap here, because not only am I cheap, I'm lazy.
10:49 AM: So I'm still just lying in bed because I'm a lazy asshole and I decide to go through my nightstand and found this:
11:08 AM: Oh, Cary Bates. You just made my whole day with this panel.
11:13 AM: Spoiler alert: The cure is in a magic mushroom in Mirage Mountain. I am not making this up.
11:17 AM: Hey, guess what, the mushroom causes sudden growth and they're in Kandor. Shenanigans, right? This is now my favorite comic ever.
11:36 AM: The backup Zatanna story was written by @LenWein and he made her look like a dumbass so it's the best Zatanna comic I've ever read.
11:37 AM: The highlight was when the Pied Piper points out to her how stupid she is. Also: Giant rats.
11:44 AM: Someone's trying to sell that comic on eBay for $55. Godspeed, tell them about the sickle cell anemia. [Edit: Hey, look, they dropped the price to $49.50 since Saturday. A bargain! Again, I paid $4 for a really great condition copy. MARKET VALUES! SUPPLY DEMAND COMMERCE ETC.]
11:47 AM: Spoiler Alert: Neither of them give a shit about the kids after this panel. Reason #2 I like Wein's Zatanna:
---> Interjection by @Matthew_Spicer, 11:55 AM: Zatanna doesn't use the "AIMENA LLEC ELKCIS ERUC" spell?
11:58 AM: @matthew_spicer They're unrelated stories, but magic mushrooms did cure the Professor's mysterious brain fever.
TO SUM UP, because I did a terrible job recapping this first comic: Supergirl #2 is the story of how Linda Danvers has a crush on a professor trying to cure Sickle Cell Anemia, who also has a mysterious brain cloud that is killing him. She miniaturizes them and flies him to Kandor, where he finds a magic mushroom that cures his ailment and also by the way, she has a super bitchy boyfriend named Jeff:
...I'm glad I don't have access to Supergirl #3, because what if she actually puts up with that guy for several issues and doesn't punch him?
12:01 PM: On to the Lois Lane book now, and why does she have 3 roommates? It's like they're about to have a gasoline fight.
12:05 PM: Lois giving Supes the business for being a creeptor. LADIES ARE SURVIVALISTS, TOO.
12:06 PM: PLOT TWIST. Lois the Hiking Expert wore a miniskirt and go-go boots for her nature excursion.
12:08 PM: Now they're all eating a mysterious plant that the stranger in the forest gave them. Fingers crossed this is a parable about roofies.
12:09 PM: Sidebar: You guys just got high and wrote comics in the seventies, don't even try to deny it.
---------> Interjection from @SamhainNight: Eeek! Lois! #BigRedFlags #ThingsYouLearnNotToDoGrowingUpInCalifornia
12:12 PM: Now the roommates are giving Lois shit for having a wireless radio in the forest. No mention of the boots from Jumpsuit*. #PickingHerBattles
12:13 PM: I'm live tweeting a comic. Maybe it's time to get out of bed.
12:16 PM: SHE JUST TRIED TO MOTIVATE SUPERMAN WITH PUSSY. I can't even. New favorite comic ever.
12:19 PM: The best part was how she ditched him in the quicksand to go look for more magic roots. I think this was an episode of Smallville.
12:24 PM: Now the crossover fanfic/mini comic I was gonna do where Wonder Woman takes Loki for ice cream seems lacking in crazy. I give up.
*Lois had three roommates whose names were not mentioned. In order of character development, there was the Token Fat Girl (always commenting on food), Attractive Afro Wearer, and Jumpsuit.
Of course, it's always the girl with the afro that gets trapped in quicksand.
And if you're wondering, the strange guy in the forest giving out magic roots was running a burglary ring. Yeah, I dunno. Comics, amirite?