Last year, we listed the Top Five Completely Wrong Sexy Halloween Costumes. I'll be honest, it was kind of a gimme. Halloween costume makers keep making it easier and easier to make the "girls only like Halloween because they get to dress slutty" argument. I mean, sexy Elmo? Really?
This year, there's a sexy Oscar the Grouch and a sexy... sigh. It's just too much of a thing now to ridicule these getups. I know there are women who will actually wear Sexy Robin. I saw one at Detroit Fanfare. Sadly, she was a less-than-A cup, which means she looked more like Actual Robin in A Dress than a Sexy Girl Robin. BUT I DIGRESS.
Just because these costumes exist does not mean we need to continue to acknowledge them. In fact, here at Geektress, we've decided to encourage the men to dress totally stupid in honor of this sacred holiday of candy and drinking to excess. (Which is every American holiday, if you do it right.) So, after the jump, we've picked some really sexy costumes that the menfolk can choose to wear this October, if they really are in to equality.
It was hard deciding on just one male model. There is still some dissension among the ranks that we didn't choose Vladimir Putin for all our photos. But as the editor-in-chief, I have to make the tough decisions, and if I have to look at a guy in a Speedo for hours on end, it better goddamned be Daniel Craig. So the first costume is a no-brainer.
Sexy James Bond.
Hallowe'en Jimmy likes his daiquiris banana, not strawberry.
Sexy Yoda says Be Strong With the Sexy. Sex, or do not, there is no 'kinda?'.
What's that, Sexy Kitten? You say you left the beach, threw on a pair of cat ears, and decided to call it a day? Well done, you.
"Sexy Cat" seems to be the most persistently lazy sexy girl costume at Halloween, so why not more Catmen? You could even wear a cape!
Speaking of capes...
Sexy Batman. Substitute any cowl and cape combo for whichever superhero you choose. Obviously the important part here is that you're not wearing trousers or a shirt.
So anyway, to really compete in the stupid sexy Halloween costume market, you gotta have sexy psycho killer:
...and then you have to ruin a beloved children's franchise, like Sesame Street. Or Yo Gabba Gabba:
Aw yeah, Sexy DJ Lance Rock... you're such a slut.
OK FINE, I'll include some sexy Putin. Here's Vladimir doing his best Sexy Aragorn impression:
I didn't even photoshop that. He just rides around with no shirt.