(Photo via Kryptonsite)
Laura: So, I turned on Smallville late, because while I couldn't bring myself to watch a full episode without Chloe or Oliver, I did commit to watching this final season, and I'm going to do it. Anyway, Conner Kent is on Red K and choking Lois and she's telling him that Clark on Red K never did anything like that. CLARK WOULD CHOKE PEOPLE NOT ON RED K!!!! I'm sorry, I just had to vent frustration about what an asshole Clark is. Feel free to ignore.
Brenda: I'm just like, who the fuck is Conner Kent.
Laura: "The genetic love child of Clark Kent and Lex Luthor," as Lois pointed out, which isn't even a Smallville thing. That's Superboy's actual origin.
Brenda: If that had happened in like, season four, I would've been all over it. Wait, how old is he? Three years old?
Laura: A teen. He rapidly aged. He's played by the same kid that played young Lex Luthor.
Brenda: My next question was "Does he age rapidly? Will there be a baby explosion soon?"
Laura: No, he seems to have stopped aging at precisely the age they needed him to be to be Superboy. CONVENIENT!
Laura: YOU DO NOT NEED AN APPLICATION FOR PUBLIC SCHOOL WHO WRITES THIS DIALOG
Laura: Seriously though, Clark probably choked someone last week. It's practically his favorite thing.
Brenda: Remember that episode where he tossed some guy through a window or a windshield or whatever and the kid's parents sued and we were supposed to be upset for Clark, not the other way around? That should be taught in television screenwriting classes as "Backfires 101"
Laura: At least that guy was an attempted rapist or something. (But no, I did not feel bad for him, because it was BOUND TO HAPPEN.) Last season I saw an episode where he choked Tess and dangled her off a building for information.
Dania: Wow. I'm glad I quit watching back at that black-and-white one. Season four?
Laura: You mean the 50s one? Who remembers when that was? I wish I had stopped watching then. It would have been easier to break the habit. I keep relapsing.
Dania: Yeah, that one!
Brenda: Yes, Relic. In retrospect season four was fun for how awful it was. It had Transference in it, best episode ever.
Laura: It's weird, because I still consider season 4 a terrible season, but it had a bunch of episodes I really liked. Meanwhile, I consider season 5 a good season, but it had that whole middle arc about local politics. There was never really a good season. There was always just enough to keep me going.
Brenda: I really did love the first half of season six. Then it all collapsed. HOUSE A CARDS, SMALLVILLE. That's what you are.
Laura: I didn't. Oliver was a douche with stupid hair and Lois was at her most whiny and self-entitled, and they were like the whole show. I actually liked the second half better, but I was fast forwarding through the bulk of any given episode at that point, so I really didn't know what was going on.
Brenda: I suppose I should be embarrassed for not knowing Superboy's alter ego, but fuck it, no I'm not.
Laura: Eh...it's only Superboy. He's not actually important (except on YJ, where he is awesome, but also not named Conner Kent yet). Anyway, this Superboy has the hots for his new surrogate mom and it was all kinds of squicky. Like in one episode it goes from the choking and even a bit of molestation to "let's raise this kid you're going to be an awesome dad."
Brenda: Wait, what? He choked his mom and then himself? This is all becoming very David Carradine.
Laura: No, he kidnapped Lois and practically molested her while on Red K. I am not describing it well. Considering they're going to be raising this teenage boy now, it was really disturbing though. But, you know, classic Smallville.