Legitimizing our obsessions.

Merlin: The Wicked Day
Oh, it's wicked, all right.
Merlin: The Darkest Hour, Part 2
Arthur sacrifices himself for Camelot... almost.
Merlin: The Darkest Hour, Part 1
Morgana unleashes a ghost army on Camelot.

2011 Nerdtacular Cage Match

dueling-wizards.jpg
[Yes, this is an old picture. A new picture will arrive shortly. In the meantime, you can now buy prints of this at my store. ~BK]

We’ve all played that game where you ask: Who would win in a fight? So-and-so, or so-and-so? And then you discuss all of the advantages and flaws of each person involved.

The folks at Suvudu, a most excellent blog dedicated to the fantasy/sci-fi/paranormal works that come out of DelRey and Spectra, are playing this game interactively with some of sci-fi and fantasy’s greatest heroes and villains. This is their second annual cage match series, and round one brackets are now open for voting.

UPDATE: We posted round one just a little late for voting, but that's okay - it's still good to know who is involved from the get-go. Like last year, I had a few weeks to be angry that Harry Dresden was taken out by Conan the Barbarian in round 1. You have until March 17th at 5pm to vote in Round 2. Be sure to check Suvudu for a breakdown of the matches and predicted outcomes for Round 2.

Last year, Rand al’Thor from The Wheel of Time series won. I stopped reading that series after about book 4, but from what I understand, Rand is an invincible demigod. I don’t agree with the way the matches played out last year, mostly since Cthulhu was involved and he should have just made everyone insane, but this is a popularity contest more than anything else, so whatevs. Suvudu has lengthy match scenarios attached to each pairing. These are my picks – vote early and vote often!

ANKH-MORPORK DIVISION

1. Martin the Warrior (Brian Jacques’ Redwall series) vs. FitzChivalry (Robin Hobbs’ Farseer and Tawney Man series).

FitzChivalry.jpg I admit, I have not read Hobbs’ work, but here’s why: she gives her characters stupid names. I know that’s part of the joke, but I’ve never liked comedy fantasy and don’t want to read about GoodGuy McHandsome fighting Evil McMoustache. I will never take those characters seriously. That being said, Martin is a mouse. I grew up on the Redwall books, but… Martin is a mouse.

My pick: FitzChivalry. Here’s to hoping he gets taken out in round 2.

Katniss-Everdeen.jpg 2. Tally Youngblood (Scott Westerfield’s Uglies series) vs. Katniss Everdeen (Suzanne Collins’ Hunger Games Trilogy).

My pick: Bitch, please. Katniss has survived the Hunger Games twice. My money is on her to win this whole frigging thing.

3. Paul Atreides (Frank Herbert’s Dune) vs. Allanon (Terry Brooks’ Shannara series).

Paul-Atreides.jpg What part of demigod to people find so hard to understand? Also, Allanon has the name of a support group for family members of alcoholics. I don’t care if that argument is logically invalid.

My pick: Still Paul. Demigod.

4. Tasselhoff Burrfoot (Dragonlance books) vs. Perrin Aybara (Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time).

Perrin.jpg For all my love of fantasy, I never got into Dragonlance, so I’m not familiar with Tasselhoff. But again, stupid name.

My Pick: Perrin will crack that pussy elf in half and then let his wolves feed on the remains.


NEW CROBUZON DIVISION

1. Lestat (Anne Rice’s Vampire books) vs. Percy Jackson (Rick Riordan’s Olympus books).

Lestat.jpg Haaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
OMGhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

My Pick: Lestat will eat Percy’s face and then go bang his mom.

2. Severus Snape (duh) vs. Corvus Rebain (Ari Marmell’s The Conqueror’s Shadow).

Severus-Snape.jpg I haven’t read Marmell’s books so I’m a little at a loss. But Snape survived as long as he did through desperation and only died on his own terms, damnit.

My Pick: Snape.

Solomon-Kane.jpg 3. Quick Ben (Steven Erikson’s The Malazan Book of the Fallen series) vs. Solomon Kane (Robert E. Howard)

Again, I lack familiarity with these characters, but a man with conviction like Kane can’t lose.

My Pick: Solomon Kane

4. Pug (Raymond E. Feist’s Riftwar Saga) vs. Druss (David Gemmell’s Druss books).

gandalffacebook.jpg This is the other pairing where I don’t know either character. Suvudu votes for Pug, but apparently Druss can’t die?

My Pick: Ugh. I have no idea.



MINAS TIRITH DIVISION

Vin.jpg 1. Vin (Brandon Sanderson’s Mistborn books) vs. Logen Ninefingers (Joe Abercrombie’s The First Law Trilogy).

My pick: Vin, mostly because I’d like to see her battle it out with Katniss later.

Eric-Northman.jpg 2. Jacob Black (Twilight) vs. Eric Northman (True Blood)

It’s too much to hope they’ll take each other out. Even if I liked Jacob Black, this match is stacked against him.

My Pick: Eric Northman

3. Zeddicus Zu’l Zorander (Terry Goodkind’s Sword of Truth series) vs. Mandorallen (David Eddings’ Belgariad).

Zeddicus.jpg Suvudu claims Mandorallen will win this on a technicality. But I think Zed would have no qualms about blasting the guy to pieces. He’s a freaking combat wizard. I disagree with Suvudu on this one.

My Pick: Zed all the way.

4. John Carter of Mars (Edgar Rice Burroughs) vs. Severian (Gene Wolfe’s Book of the New Sun series).

gandalffacebook.jpg I’m not sure about this. John Carter’s longevity should work for him, but the Suvudu prediction involves treachery.

My Pick: I don’t have a pick here.


RAMA DIVISION

1. Gollum (Lord of the Rings) vs. Molly Millions (William Gibson’s Sprawl trilogy).

Molly-Millions.jpg I haven’t read Gibson’s work. Cyberpunk isn’t really my thing. But the Suvudu prediction seems likely. Gollum can be so pathetic – this might work against a human, but Molly is a cyborg.

My Pick: I pick Molly.

2. Alvin Maker (Orson Scott Card’s Alvin Maker series) vs. Thomas Covenant (Stephen R. Donaldson’s The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant) Alvin-Maker.jpg

This is actually a really well matched pairing. Based on popularity alone though:

My Pick: Alvin.

3. Takeshi Kovacs (Richard K. Morgan’s Altered Carbon series) vs. Jon Snow (George R.R. Martin’s Song of Ice and Fire).

Takeshi-Kovacs.jpg Popularity alone will give Jon Snow the win. That and the dire wolf. But if it were a matter of skills alone and no dire wolf, I would pick Takeshi.

My Pick: Takeshi

4. Arlen – The Warded Man (Peter V. Brett’s Demon Cycle series) vs. Beowulf (old as hell historic and fantastic hero)

Beowulf.jpg I have not read the Demon Cycle books. But Beowulf. Okay, frigging Beowulf. Again, I think longevity should play some role in all of this. Can you imagine a fight between Beowulf and John Carter of Mars? Holy hell, that would be cool.

My Pick: Beowulf

So yeah – what do you all think? Other than that I need a life. Go and vote before some first round matches close!

[Gandalf Facebook profile icon inspired by Ashley Hay's similar designs. ~BK]

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Comments (2)

Bren:

Yes, I realize my Gandalf looks a lot like James Lipton for some reason.

Carey:

I like that the other one is Carmen Sandiego wizard. P.S. Thank you for making my sloppy ass article pretty.