"Hey, Brenda. What do you do in your downtime at work?"
So the other day I got the idea to do this fan video thing. It was intended to make fun of Keanu Reeves' apparent lack of razors. (And, as I discovered, his newfound love of hats.) The unfortunate side effect of searching for hideous beard photos all weekend was that I developed a love for the beard. It started to grow on me, if you will. I developed Hobo Stockholm Syndrome.
I should also note that it took me no time at all to find all the correct scenes from Bram Stoker's Dracula that I wanted to reference, because there was that lonely summer in high school where I watched it every day. I thought any movie where a chick could get Keanu Reeves and Gary Oldman at the same time deserved my devotion. Not to mention the props you have to give to the redhead who has the task of picking between Cary Elwes and Billy Campbell, while also fucking Gary Oldman. Frances Ford Coppola made probably the best movie ever for horny teenage girls in the nineties.
Anyway, here it is. I can't even tell if it's funny anymore. (You may have to crank the audio.)