Gail Simone Approved.

Merlin: The Wicked Day
Oh, it's wicked, all right.
Merlin: The Darkest Hour, Part 2
Arthur sacrifices himself for Camelot... almost.
Merlin: The Darkest Hour, Part 1
Morgana unleashes a ghost army on Camelot.

Lady, Just Give Me The Lipstick

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Last summer we had news that MAC was going to be developing a Wonder Woman branded line of cosmetics. They occasionally put out licensed makeup sets, and it's always kind of pricey, but usually a lot of fun. Since Wonder Woman turns 75 this year, it only makes sense that DC would find creative ways to try and market the Amazon Princess for the occasion.

Last week, pictures and projected pricing information were released for the line, which is to premiere this Spring. The awesome part is that Mike Allred was commissioned to do several promo images for the line, and also the artwork that will adorn the outer packaging. Unfortunately, the press release leaves much to be desired. It appears a bunch of makeup executives copy and pasted words from comic book Wikipedia entries and randomly inserted said phrases in to their statement:

Just when the fate of the world is careening toward disaster, cue theme music! It’s Wonder Woman! She Kicks Sass! Her mission: Collaborate with M∙A∙C to fight the supervillains of the world – criminally outdated colour, evil, un-dimensional skin finish, the disasters that drain drama – with that famous spin, a double-cuff of her wicked wrist bracelets and shazam! M∙A∙C Spring Colour 2011 is the feminine force (with a dash of comic fun) that saves the day!

You can expect more pearl clutching and wailing after the jump.

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Suggested retail: $15.50 Shit you not.
Colors: Marquise d’, Russian Red, Spitfire, Heroine

Temptalia had an interview with some officials from MAC, one of whom was Jennifer Balbier, Senior Vice President of Product Development. She gave some to-be-expected answers about the collection, but the problem comes when the interviewer asks "fun" questions, like "What's Wonder Woman up to these days?":

Wonder Woman is very busy fighting the evils of her arch-enemy Medusa, making sure Medusa doesn’t turn the women of the world into Plain Janes. She uses the power of makeup to eliminate dullness and make women beautiful!

I'm sorry I blacked out there from rage for a second.

And of course, Wonder Woman is the ultimate modern woman.

Oh, is she? Is that why it's just so easy to adapt her to tv shows and movies, I mean I just can't turn on the television anymore without tripping over Wonder Woman doing something modern and relatable, that's her total thing, Wonder Woman, the girl we all want to be because she's in to makeup and boys and iPods and not a thousands-year-old deadly goddess princess from ancient Greece, LOL.

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Yes, this is giant purple, green, and blue mascara. No, I don't know how you could wear that on a daily basis and not get labeled "the weird one" around the office. $15 for a tube of wacky mascara you can only wear maybe once or twice a year? No thanks! Not to mention that even with regular usage, mascara tends to dry out after a few months.

I could live with beauty corporation executives not knowing that Wonder Woman does not in fact want to rid the world of "plain janes" (a phrase that should be blasted as quickly as Greedo's face) (they used that phrase A LOT in the interview and press release). I don't have to lecture you all about that, though, you know what I'm saying, right? I understand that they're a makeup company and in some ways their mere existence is to make women feel as though they aren't pretty enough as they are.

However, if you've ever walked past a makeup counter in a department store, the saleswomen do not try to start off by shouting things like "OH MY GOD YOU ARE SO UNREMARKABLE COME OVER HERE AND TRY SOME EYELINER!" Usually they act startled by one of more of your natural features. "Oh! What beautiful skin! Perhaps you'd like to try some lotion to keep it so radiant?" "You have gorgeous eyes! I bet this eyeshadow would make them stand out even more!" etc., etc. No, I don't wear makeup, but yes, I have been suckered in to buying expensive foundation based on a good sales pitch.

"IF YOU DON'T WEAR BLUE MASCARA YOU ARE HIDEOUS IN DA FACE" is not going to work, in other words.

(Hugo can tell you:)

Oh, but Jenny didn't stop there. When asked why the packaging was so goddamn huge:

How could we not go there!? This collection, more than anything, had to be larger than life, iconic and deliver – just like Wonder Woman herself. The giant size of the products obviously makes a statement and they speak for themselves. I especially love the big compact – it’s a riot.

Yes, the giant size really does say "How can you hold a regular sized lip gloss with your giant man hands, ugly comic book girl? Here is some humongous nail polish, because we know you'll want to paint your disgusting troll toenails and will need more than the average pretty girl."

I also just noticed that the brushes are in a "utility belt" that will "make Batman jealous". It's like the more I read of this the more I actually think they were high when they were developing this stuff.

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Why would Wonder Woman want to carry brushes around in a belt? For one thing, if she's really spending that much time on her daily ablutions, she's got an invisible jet where she can do all that in private. For another thing, wouldn't it be cooler to design a cuff that has a little star-shaped lip gloss compartment or whatever? Maybe a round gold pouch that folds up on itself like a lasso?

Why am I the one making these suggestions? I don't even buy makeup! Why was their only idea for Wonder Woman makeup "BIGGER AND TACKIER!"? And believe me, a lot of women who love MAC and like Wonder Woman are saying this packaging is pretty chintzy looking. It might be the use of primary colors, or the simplicity in the design. In truth, it is pretty boring.

I could live with boring if everything was more reasonably priced. I might even be motivated to buy if there was a $50 set with one of the makeup bags and a couple of the less silly makeup pieces. (I could probably swing blue nail polish, but not bright blue eyeshadow.) But I guess if you're going to pay DC a lot of money to license the Wonder Woman logo, and then you're going to put the packaging on steroids, you would expect the following sorts of pricing:

Opulash Mascara: $15.00
Nail Lacquer: $14.00
Penultimate Eye Liner: $18.50
Mineralize Skinfinish: $35.00
Lady Justice Eyeshadow Quad: $40.00
Pigment: $21.00

Yes. You read that right. For a set of four eyeshadow colors (and there are two different sets,) you will have to fork over $40. I am unsure what "pigment" is, other than (at $21 a bottle) a discouragement from throwing pink in someone's face and shouting "PIGMENT! HA HA!" Also, I promise you, my mind is not always in the gutter, but I keep seeing "Skinfinish" and reading it as "Skinflute." No, I am not interested in your Skinflute Minuet, sir. Not one bit.

To cap off my rant, I offer you a few remarks from the peanut gallery:

Rania: MAC seems to have confused WW with a 70's hooker.
Dania: Kind of makes me pukey. Also, the packaging's fug.
Laura: Also, "shazam" goes to an entirely different superhero.
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Comments (6)

I'm way more excited about the Wonder Woman Converse anyway.

This... really angered you.

Bren:

Yes. Because there are very few cool Wonder Woman things, even though Wonder Woman is very popular with non-comic-book-readers. And the way things are going, the Converse are going to be super ugly and only available in size 10 - 15 or something. You can buy fun Batman or Spider-Man things anywhere, but there are hardly and fun WW products for girls of any age, especially grownups. HARUMPH.

Dane:

What she said ^. The colors really are dreadful, the packaging truly is hidge, and good God, $40 for a quad?? "$40" and "eyeshadow quad" don't even belong in the same room with each other, let alone the same sentence. Besides, given the rest of the collection, the quads are probably the size of dinner plates and have a combo of deep purple, bright red, orange and white.

Bren:

There are pictures of the entire line at that link above for "Mike Allred art." (Because it also has the comic panels used to promote the line where Wonder Woman is wearing gobs of blue eyeshadow.)

Rin:

Yes, well, I was still trying to figure out what a skinfinish would be because I couldn't stop reading it as "skinfish," which doesn't sound anything like something I want near my face. Or any other part of my body.

I'm not a big makeup wearer (I wore waterproof mascara for my sister's wedding and nearly pulled out all my eyelashes trying to get it off), and this is not something that would encourage me to begin doing so. The words "horrifyingly garish" come to mind...