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I think Etsy's sole purpose is to bankrupt me. There are so many cool things there that are usually one-of-a-kind, so if I don't buy it ZOMG SOMEONE ELSE WILL, and I can never buy it again. This also means these things are usually pretty expensive.
Take, for instance, #1 on my list, the USB Typewriter. I have no real need for a USB typewriter. I have a perfectly functional keyboard. In fact, at work, I have two keyboards. But I feel, since I work in a newsroom bullpen, that one of these keyboards should go CLACKITY CLACK CLACK-A, like the newsrooms of yester-yore. Price: $599 - $699
After the jump, check out the nine other things you never knew you needed until you saw them on Etsy.
#10, and possibly the most useless, is the recycled wooden robot. William Dohman periodically has some really cute wooden toys at his Etsy store. His "Woody Allen" robots (pictured right) are easily my favorites, but currently there's none for sale. He also does other wooden sculptures, but really, I need a blocky robot pal to sit in my living room, look at me dreamily, and collect dust. Need. Price: $34 - $54
#9 An Ouma Dress. Monique does amazing things with tulle, and if ever I need to have a pretty pretty dress that makes me feel like a princess, I know I can send her my measurements and get a custom order. The particular dress at the left is called the "Cirque Party Dress" and is one of a couple that involve stripes and tutus. You can get just a skirt, or go all out and get the full gown treatment. It may seem pricey, but I actually think it may be a bargain for bespoke dresses. Maybe I'll splurge if I ever hit my ultimate goal weight. Price: $168 - $840
#8 - The 4 oz. Mustache Flask. Now, if you're an experienced Etsy browser, you'll know there are lots of "mustache" or "goatee" flasks out there, pretending to be clever. In my opinion, this one is the best. It's the simplest and the sleekest. It sells for $20 at Blind Tiger Flasks, and she's got a variety of other classy flasks, too, including a lot of vintage pinup art stuff. Price: $20
#7 Black Spot Books makes gloriously complicated necklaces out of tiny books. The one on the left that I love is a little on the large side, but something about the whole mess makes me swoon. They create all their tiny book bindings from scraps of used leather, and use blank drawing paper for the pages inside. (It'd be cooler if the pages inside were from vintage books, but I guess cutting up books isn't necessarily the best idea.) Of course, if I ever desperately need something from their shop, I can always buy one of the single or stacked book options for less than the 11 book necklace. Price: $350
#6 A Lubu Robot. Any one. I'd really love a Turkeybot, but they've run out. Lubu is actually the combination of former Etsy user "Bolts and Bots" and "Itty Bitties For You", which is now their collection of kawaii creatures that make you want to rip your own face off. I don't exactly know what the point of owning a custom clay robot is, and I don't rightly care. All I know is I would put a Lubu Robot on display to let the world know that I welcome the robot apocalypse. Price: $12 - $22 (There's a Robot Nativity that I need for $150.) (NEED.)
#5 Cupcake Bath Bombs I have no earthly idea how these are made, but if you search "Cupcake Bath Bombs" on Etsy, you get over 250 results. The ones that appealed to me the most were by Your Dirty Laundry, because she knows about presentation and packaging. If you have an Etsy shop and you're trying to sell something a bunch of other people are also trying to sell, knowing how to take a product photo and/or use Photoshop is going to get you everywhere. Price: $5 You may be thinking: "That's not that expensive! You could get 140 of those for the price of that typewriter keyboard!" You'd be right, but then I'd explain that I don't actually have a bathtub in my master bath and therefore bath bombs would be an extravagance.
#4 Monster Truck Cereal Bowls by Circa Ceramics. I'll need about 8 of these, please, in a variance of colors. They can do that at Circa Ceramics, because they make all their hand fired porcelain pieces to order. Sizes and shapes are generally uniform, though, so you can mix and match a set of monster trucks with some vespas, for instance, if you're thinking of getting a his-n-hers set. They also do cups, plates, lidded bowls, and other assorted housewares, in plenty of different screen print designs. But really, I just want a monster truck bowl to eat crunchberries out of on SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY! Price: $40
#3 The R2D2 Knit Cap There are actually lots and lots of these on Etsy. What I really want is for my mom to hold to her promise to knit me one of these, because that means I get it for free and can say "My mom made me this!" If I get desperate, however, I know I can always go to Etsy and get some headgear to match my Droid2D2. (You guys should know, I collect Artoo stuff, so it's not overkill for me to have this many droid accessories.) Anyway, the one pictured at right was handknitted by Etsy user KnitLush, who adapted the pattern from a child's hat. I like her version because it looks sturdier than a couple of the other R2D2 beanies that pop up in the search results. Price: $55
#2 Zelda Terabyte Drive I will cut you for this. 8BitMemory does more than just external hard drives -- USB drives, clocks, and mouse pads -- from Nintendo stuff. But this Zelda drive is a thing of beauty. This is the 1TB drive. There are smaller storage capacities, but really, when you go custom hard drive, why bother with small potatoes? You guys should know that I am a terrible video game player -- "gamer", I believe the kids call it -- the only games I've ever been able to play with any degree of competency are Animal Crossing, and Zelda. So I have a fierce allegiance to all things Zelda. Price: $179