You're never too old to love something stupid, fun and shirtless.

Merlin: The Wicked Day
Oh, it's wicked, all right.
Merlin: The Darkest Hour, Part 2
Arthur sacrifices himself for Camelot... almost.
Merlin: The Darkest Hour, Part 1
Morgana unleashes a ghost army on Camelot.

Five Completely Wrong Halloween Costumes

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A while back, Brenda posted a rant on our Facebook page about sexy costumes that were sort of redundant and pretty creepy. For those who don't have Facebook, let me sum up:

Because the metal snake bikini wasn't sexy enough: Whore Leia. Because we need to ruin your childhood: Whorebow Brite. I have to stop now to go hate the world more openly, but if you want to continue in that vein, there is Whoreberry Shortcake, and my favorite: Whore White.

Then, last week, Laura pointed out the "Sexy" Wonder Woman costume (pictured above) that also seems sort of pointless, "because normally Wonder Woman looks like such a prude."

After the jump I list my top 5 most wrong sexy time nerd costumes that make me puke in my mouth a little.

I love Halloween and fall in general so much. When I was little, I used to plan my costumes months in advance. I don't really dress up anymore since I can't think of a way to beat the time me and Mr. Carey went out as Dog and Beth Bounty Hunter. But I always enjoy seeing little kids and big kids enjoying themselves on Halloween.

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Note: This is perfectly acceptable sexy.

The issue of women's costumes and the "sexiness" of said costumes has been beaten to death and then some like the proverbial horse. Sexy costumes for women don't necessarily offend me -- sexy nurses, police officers, teachers, cats, etc. are part of normal sexy time fantasy. But now that nerd culture has infiltrated popular culture, nerd icons are being fetishied for Halloween, making for a few uncomfortable nerd/whore juxtapositions. (Clarification: within reason, I have no issues with nerds/whores.)

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5. Sexy Robin

This right here is just 10 different gender identity/sexuality crises waiting to happen. What exactly does this costume say about Batman? Considering Burt Ward was one of my first ever crushes, I feel a little confused right now.

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4. Sexy Hogwarts Uniforms

There is some horrifying Harry Potter fanfic out there. Stuff that will desiccate your very soul and suck your lifeblood dry if you like the series even a little. Hogwarts is not a sexyplace! And Harry is not a busty stripper! Note that this is in fact labeled as a sexy Harry costume – this is not Hermione.

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3. Sexy Chewbacca

Sweet baby Jesus on a Saltine cracker – what the hell is this? Even if sexualizing Chewbacca was socially acceptable in any circle, you know he smells like wet dog and filthy socks.

[Plus, Chewbacca with a blaster and not a bowcaster? Pfff. Posers. --Ed.]

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2. Sexy Freddy vs Sexy Jason

I just plain don't understand this. If Freddy and Jason are sexified, wouldn't they be less frightening? I think I might be more okay with either of these chicks murdering me for having sex in the woods than either of the actual characters. This defeats the purpose of scariness, relegating these costumes to fantasy / cosplay gear and that's just gross.

[Even though I'm pretty sure this is Mrs. Voorhees, I like how she can't be assed to wear the mask. And I might actually like that if it were a purse and had some sexy functionality. --Ed.]

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1. Sexy Elmo

Whoever developed this and the other rash of sexy Seasame Street costumes has just shit all over my childhood. Follow that Bird made me cry as a child. This makes me cry as an adult. The day I see a sexy Mr. Hooper costume is the day I kill myself.

Elmo in particular is upsetting because it seems like people have gone out of their way to make him a pedophilia icon. Considering the vibrating Tickle Me Elmo hands available at your local Wal-Mart, this is actually maybe a little less offensive.

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Comments (5)

Bren:

You know what else? If they just manufactured the Chewbacca purse, I'd be all over that. In fact, I want to make one myself with my oodles of free time.

Brenda (Shisho):

Sexy Chewbacca?! AAAAAHHH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! That is redonk. Oh, Geektress. Thank you for giving me my hearty laugh of the day.

Carey:

Bren, I agree with you about the purses on both counts. Is Mrs. Voorhees a real character? Other than Jason's mom? Is she sexy? I stopped paying attention a long time ago.

michael:

As a hetero male, I look at those pics and think, 'okay, that's a sexy girl in costume...cool, whatever.' But I know what you are saying.

Thinking about the actual costumes though, I think I agree less about, since well beyond 'mainstream' geek icons like you mention here, basically anything and everything 'manga' has been turned on it's head by the kids and adults who worship those characters as well. And if you think about all the fanfic and everything else that people change to their 'liking', well, then your head will explode.

My advice, just roll with it, like what you like and don't worry about things like this. ;)

Chris:

I don't think 5 is that bad/weird, only because there has been a female Robin. Whose costume is exactly the same minus the breasts.