Jensen is like Jesus. What he means to fangirls is far more important than the truth.

Merlin: The Wicked Day
Oh, it's wicked, all right.
Merlin: The Darkest Hour, Part 2
Arthur sacrifices himself for Camelot... almost.
Merlin: The Darkest Hour, Part 1
Morgana unleashes a ghost army on Camelot.

Tapdancing Crocs and Nuclear Dingoes


This clip has next to nothing to do with the rest of the post.


Hey, guess what happens when there's no podcast for a while? You folks get chat transcripts. It's like the low-fi version of the podcast.

Brenda
So, I am watching Bootmen on my iPod now. (Bootmen is available on iTunes for $5.99)

Laura
Yeah, I doubt I'd actually want to pay for that though.

Brenda
I will of course force you to watch it the next time I see you, much like I did Rogue. You don't know what's good for you. Only I know. I have the cure, and the prescription is: more attractive Australian men.

(more chat after the jump)

Laura
I would be more inclined to watch it, I think, if I caught it randomly on HBO.

Brenda
That's for the best. It's how I found it. 3 in the morning and I couldn't sleep.

Laura
That's the thing, despite my obsession with dance movies, I only ever watch them at random.

Brenda
I think perhaps it's a requirement of hot Australian men that they be able to sing and dance, or they don't let them off the continent. It's either that, or wrestle crocodiles.

Laura
Can Eric Bana sing and dance?

Brenda
One can only assume. Maybe he sings in that Funny People movie? I know there has to be something I saw where he was singing. I'm telling you, it's like they sent all the fun people to prison in Australia and the result is extremely attractive musical theater. Now we know, there were two extreme groups, the felons and the Puritans, and England wasn't having any of it. Which is probably why the #1 anything of all time in the UK is always ABBA-related.

Laura
Because they sent all the people with taste to Australia?

Brenda
It's like if you had a magical kingdom that was awesome, but maybe TOO awesome, so you kicked out all the drag queens and ministers. The result is that you have nothing left to sing about.

The second exchange happened after I commented on a status message of Laura's, the gist of which was that Sam Worthington was in danger of over-saturating the American movie market, much like Gerard Butler, and she'd prefer it if half of Sam's future gigs went to Karl Urban, to prevent Butler-like burnout.

Brenda
I like the idea of Sam Worthington and Karl Urban working together.

Laura
No, I'm replacing Sam Worthington with Karl Urban, as part of the Australian actor job sharing program.*

Brenda
I know that's what you're saying, I'm just saying, the two of them together would be awesome. Maybe in a movie about tap dancing crocodiles.

Laura
We should write a movie about two Australian guys who fight a giant, man-eating dingo or something.

Wait! Three Australian guys, so we can put Eric Bana in it too. We'll kill him off first though, since he's the most famous, people won't be expecting it.

Brenda
I wish we could go see Daybreakers together. Although I hear Willem Dafoe doesn't get to kick as much ass as he clearly wants to. Why isn't Willem Dafoe in more action movies, then?

Laura
I didn't even know Willem Dafoe was in Daybreakers. I wish we could go see it together too. Aside from Spider-Man, I don't think I've ever seen him in an action movie. After the man-eating dingo movie, we can write an action movie for Willem Dafoe.

Brenda
I don't see why he can't be the grisled ex-dingo hunter who's roped in to fighting the psychotic giant irradiated dingo, but okay.

Laura
Because I thought Bryan Brown would play that role.

Brenda
That's a good point. Shit, now I'll have to think on it.

In trying to photoshop a headline graphic, I run across a problem.

Brenda
I can already see a problem with this dingo movie: they're super cute.

Laura
Dingos eat babies though. Everybody knows this. Meryl Streep doesn't lie. It's totally OK to kill giant mutated ones.

Brenda
We better make it really goddamn ugly. I got a photo of Willem Dafoe with a crossbow and I can't find a dingo ugly enough to photoshop into the crosshairs. Even the grumpy dingoes look cuddly.

Laura
I'm looking at pictures now, and you're right. Baby eating or no, they are dogs, and I just can't hurt them. I mean, look at this puppy. I just want to squish it. I would give that puppy a baby to eat.

Brenda
I told you so.

Laura
Mutated, maneating kangaroos? They're cute, but not so cute that I think a movie about a mutant maneating one wouldn't be funny.

Brenda
I don't know if kangaroos would work -- I mean, I wouldn't want people to get it mixed up with Kangaroo Jack.

You know who I hear are assholes? Koalas.

Laura
Good call. They're all adorable, but then they have those scary claws. Mutated, maneating koalas it is!

*Karl Urban: Not Australian. Still, he's one of those Upside-Down-niks.**

** ™PinkBatMax.

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Comments (1)

John Candy:

Saw your Blog bookmarked on Reddit. I love your site and marketing strategy. [The undead read Reddit? --Ed.]