The After-Hours Blog

Merlin: The Wicked Day
Oh, it's wicked, all right.
Merlin: The Darkest Hour, Part 2
Arthur sacrifices himself for Camelot... almost.
Merlin: The Darkest Hour, Part 1
Morgana unleashes a ghost army on Camelot.

T:SCC Episode 21 - Alpine Fields

scc21.jpg

There's a lot of bouncing back and forth between the present, the near past, and the distant future. I hope you brought your flashback seatbelt. It might get bumpy.

It also appears that they have totally stopped caring whether or not new audience members know what's going on or not. This episode is the television equivalent of your dad throwing you in the lake and telling you to either sink or swim.

INT. WEIRD WAREHOUSE WITH BURNED OUT BUS

Derek walks in carrying his GIANT DUFFLE BAG OF FIREARMS and is TALKING ON THE PHONE with Sarah.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
What are you doing? Hunting robots? Oh, okay.

Derek loses his cell phone reception in the FREAKY WAREHOUSE but he hears a woman SCREAMING IN PAIN in the other room, and goes to inspect. What he see is a PREGNANT WOMAN who has been SHOT IN THE SHOULDER and the pregnant woman's daughter is NURSING HER BACK TO HEALTH or something.

Derek has a FLASHBACK-BUT-FORWARD to when he found a DEAD PREGNANT WOMAN in the future.

In the present, the PREGNANT WOMAN'S DAUGHTER pulls a GUN on Derek when he approaches.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
Whoa! It's cool! Sarah Connor sent me!

Derek assesses that the PREGNANT WOMAN is almost full-term and her BULLET WOUND is clean through, meaning NO GROSS DIGGING-OUT-THE-BULLET scenes in this episode, YAAAAAY.

They put a tube DIRECTLY IN TO HER CHEST which I assumed was to intubate her, but I DON'T KNOW BECAUSE THE TUBE IS CONNECTED TO A JAR OF WATER OR SOMETHING.

This is LAUREN and ANNE FIELDS, by the way.

INT. FIELDS' HOUSE, SIX MONTHS AGO

Flashback to six months ago when Sarah and Cameron WENT AROUND PROTECTING THE TARGETS on the BASEMENT BLOOD TO-DO LIST.

Sarah and Cameron CHARGE IN TO THE HOUSE with GUNS.

LENA HEADEY
Relax, we're here to fight robots.

Sarah's phone rings and it's John, calling about DINNER. While Sarah is DISTRACTED, the Fields' daughter, LAUREN, PULLS A REVOLVER OUT and POINTS IT AT SARAH.

Mr. Fields TAKES THE GUN from Lauren and POINTS IT AT SARAH.

DAVID FIELDS
Bwah? Robots are out to get me? Whatever.

LENA HEADEY
No, seriously. Apocalypse. Cyborgs. Time travel. It's all happening. So we gotta go.

Cameron walks up behind DAVID and TAKES THE GUN AWAY FROM HIM with her SLICK ROBOT MOVES.

LENA HEADEY
Okay, so let's go.

LAUREN
But, my dog...

DOG
Bark bark!

Cameron and Sarah say "no" at the same time. HEH. They corral the Fields' into their MINI-VAN and try to DRIVE AWAY. Unfortunately the TERMINATOR SMASHES IN TO THEM with his PICKUP TRUCK.

As Cameron TERMINATOR FIGHTS the other robot, Sarah and the Fields RUN AWAY.

INT. CREEPY WAREHOUSE - PRESENT DAY

Derek is still PLAYING DOCTOR with PREGNANT ANNE. Lauren notices DEREK'S TATTOOS.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
Robots gave me this.

Lauren EXPLAINS that HER DAD was GUNNED DOWN by THE TERMINATOR.

ANNE FIELDS
So, my husband's not dead, right?

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
Uh.... sure.

Derek has another FLASHBACK-FORWARD to the future, where he's being TENDED TO by LAUREN IN A HAZMAT SUIT.

AFTER THE COMMERCIAL BREAK

INT. SERRANO POINT - THE FUTURE - RESISTANCE HQ

Derek is being BRIEFED by SOMEONE IN CHARGE about a BIOLOGICAL WEAPON that has been USED AGAINST THE RESISTANCE. Derek doesn't want them to send A ROBOT to find potential SURVIVORS of the killer disease. He VOLUNTEERS TO GO.

In this future, SURVIVORS OF ROBOT FLU have GENETIC IMMUNITIES to ROBOT FLU.

INT. CREEPY WAREHOUSE - PRESENT DAY

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
How did the Terminator find you if you guys were in hiding?

LAUREN FIELDS
I broke the rules and called a friend of mine to talk about Twilight, okay?

INT. FIELDS' CABIN - SIX MONTHS AGO

The Fields hobble in to their HOUSE, with BROKEN ANKLES and GUNSHOT WOUNDS.

DAVID FIELDS
What just happened?!

LENA HEADEY
I friggin' told you! Friggin' robots!

They surmise that they CAN'T DRIVE OUT and the NEAREST HOUSE is a MILE AWAY and they CAN'T MAKE IT while INJURED.

LENA HEADEY
So, while we're trapped here, let's play truth or dare. Truth: Which one of you is messing around with robots?

DAVID FIELDS
None of us have anything to do with Skynet! I swear!

Sarah notices that the DOOR HANDLE is COPPER so she goes about SETTING UP A TRAP to ELECTROCUTE THE TERMINATOR.

INT. SHED BEHIND FIELDS' CABIN - STILL SIX MONTHS AGO

Sarah is POKING AROUND for TOOLS AND STUFF when Lauren walks in.

LAUREN FIELDS
So, robots. My life is lame in comparison.

LENA HEADEY
You should really strive for lame. It's better than killer robots.

LAUREN FIELDS
I'm totally interested in your robot fighting.

LENA HEADEY
You're hiding something. I can tell, I have a teenager. See, I'm not that crappy of a mother.

As it turns out, DAVID FIELDS is a BANKER doing some ILLEGAL BANKER SHIT for SYMDINE CYBERNETICS. This PISSES SARAH OFF.

DAVID FIELDS
They're just one of my clients! No big deal!

Lauren EXPEDIENTLY PRODUCES PRINTED OUT EMAILS from SYMDINE.

LENA HEADEY
I really don't appreciate you not telling me about this because it means the apocalypse. Sheesh.

Sarah goes about SETTING UP HER TRAP while the Fields FIGHT IN THE BACKGROUND.

ANNE FIELDS
You're doing illegal shit for a killer robot corporation?

DAVID FIELDS
Lauren has been sneaking around on my computer!

LAUREN FIELDS
I'm a lesbian!

DAVID FIELDS
Bwah? Really?

NOT REALLY, which is A SHAME because LAUREN IS SUPER CUTE and I would like to MAKE OUT WITH HER.

Sarah notices the TERMINATOR FIGHT happening OUT IN THE WOODS.

INT. CREEPY WAREHOUSE - THE PRESENT

Lauren goes out to GET SOME AIR and Derek GIVES HER A GUN to TAKE WITH HER. She apparently KNOWS HOW TO USE IT.

INT. EAGLE ROCK BUNKER - THE FUTURE (2027)

Derek has a GAS MASK ON and is SEARCHING THE BUNKER for any SURVIVORS. He doesn't get very far into the bunker (where there are DEAD BODIES EVERYWHERE) before he sees the DEAD PREGNANT WOMAN from his flashback at the top of the show.

When Derek sees the DEAD PREGNANT LADY, he gets all SAD AND UPSET and RUNS OUT OF THE BUNKER. He takes his mask off outside, and CONTEMPLATES SHOOTING HIMSELF IN THE HEAD.

That's when JESSE WALKS UP and says "Your fly's open" just like they DISCUSSED THREE EPISODES AGO.

INT. CREEPY WAREHOUSE - THE PRESENT

Derek is FIDDLING WITH ANNE'S WOUND DRESSINGS.

ANNE FIELDS
My daughter sort of freaks me out because she handles this killer robot thing way better than I do.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
Kids handle this stuff better than adults, that's why I know you're really the one who made the phone call, not Lauren.

INT. FIELDS' CABIN - SIX MONTHS AGO

While the Fields are still FIGHTING, Sarah is finishing up her ELECTROCUTION TRAP. Anne goes off to MAKE A PHONE CALL.

DAVID FIELDS
What guarantees that the robot will come through the front door?

LENA HEADEY
They always come through the front door.

Sarah saunters off to the bedroom and CATCHES ANNE CALLING HER BOYFRIEND. They jaw for a while about HAPPY MARRIAGES AND FAMILIES and then LAUREN NOTICES AN INTRUDER.

It turns out to be ROGER, Anne's secret neighbor boyfriend.

ANNE FIELDS
By the way, I'm sleeping with the neighbor.

INT. CREEPY WAREHOUSE - PRESENT

ANNE FIELDS
Sorry, I had to call Roger and tell him he was the baby daddy. And now all my baby daddies are dead. Boo. Life sucks.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
You need to calm the hell down.

ANNE FIELDS
I'm gonna die anyway! I know it!

EXT. EAGLE ROCK BUNKER - THE FUTURE (2027)

Derek and Jesse are still POINTING GUNS AT EACH OTHER from BEFORE.

JESSE
I got an SOS signal from someone in that bunker. Maybe a survivor. Maybe in the back by the radio.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
Duh, I didn't go all the way into the bunker because I saw dead people and got scared.

Jesse delivers some IMPORTANT PIECES OF INFORMATION about HER, HER ACCENT, and THE RESISTANCE WORLD-WIDE. They are:

  1. She's from Perth, and they make supply runs to the U.S.
  2. In a nuclear submarine
  3. That they named the "Jimmy Carter"
  4. That's driven by a T-888 they re-programmed.

The preceding list was brought to you by AWESOME.

Derek and Jesse put on their GAS MASKS and GO BACK IN TO THE BUNKER. They find Quinn Hodes "Sydney." (Apparently when Celia Hodes SHIPPED HER DAUGHTER OFF TO MEXICO in the third episode of WEEDS, and the daughter was NEVER SEEN OR MENTIONED AGAIN, she went to the ROBOT APOCALYPSE to become LEGEND.)

INT. CREEPY WAREHOUSE - PRESENT DAY

Anne appears to be GIVING BIRTH NOW. And also DYING.

INT. FIELDS' CABIN - SIX MONTHS AGO

The Fields are STILL FIGHTING about their CRAPPY MARRIAGE.

ROGER THE DOUCHEBAG NEIGHBOR
I don't believe in robots!

Cameron comes CRASHING THROUGH THE FRONT WINDOW right in front of ROGER THE DOUCHEBAG NEIGHBOR.

ROGER THE DOUCHEBAG NEIGHBOR
What is that, a robot?!

Lauren notices THE OTHER TERMINATOR stalking up the driveway. ROGER THE DOUCHEBAG RUNS AWAY LIKE A LITTLE FAIRY.

David very BRAVELY and sort of UNBELIEVABLY volunteers to go GIVE HIMSELF UP to the TERMINATOR.

As it turns out, DAVID is NOT WHO the TERMINATOR is LOOKING TO KILL. So David LIVES.

LENA HEADEY
Alright, what the shit is going on? If the Terminator doesn't want David, it wants one of you two, and I want to know why.

ANNE FIELDS
I'm pregnant with Roger's baby!

Knowing the Terminators preference for KILLING PREGNANT WOMEN, Sarah chooses to RUN OFF WITH ANNE, stowing Lauren in THE CLOSET.

Heh. She's in the closet. But apparently she's not a lesbian?

INT. CREEPY WAREHOUSE - THE PRESENT

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
Lauren, you gotta buck up and help deliver your sister.

LAUREN
How do you know it's a girl?

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
I'm from the future and in the future your sister is named Sydney. So you better name her that.

INT. EAGLE ROCK BUNKER - THE FUTURE (2027)

Sydney delivers THE BAD NEWS to Derek and Jesse that they MIGHT AS WELL TAKE OFF THEIR GAS MASKS because THEY'RE ALREADY INFECTED with the VIRUS.

Derek decides they should HUNKER DOWN until MORNING. Jesse breaks out the delicious AUSSIE CUISINE.

STEPHANIE JACOBSEN
Yeah, g'day, peanut buttah, wallabees, crikey, lookit my accent, mate!

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
....whaaaat?

STEPHANIE JACOBSEN
Anybody here read Follow The Rabbit Proof Fence?

If you are NEW TO THINGS NOT AMERICAN, you may not know the movies RABBIT PROOF FENCE and AUSTRALIA are mostly about the STOLEN GENERATIONS, an event which as an American Indian saddens me but doesn't surprise me. < / end liberal rant >

Anyway. Rabbits were introduced to Australia by accident, they overran the place, a fence was built to keep them out of the major farming areas of Western Australia (where they intentionally introduced Cane Toads, by the way, and ended up with the same problem -- nice thinking, Oz,) and despite the Australians' best efforts -- including using biological warfare, sound familiar? -- the bunnies kept reproducing like... well, you get the picture.

This has been "Moments In History Down Under," brought to you by KILLER ROBOTS OF THE FUTURE.

STEPHANIE JACOBSEN
Woo, that was a lot of exposition! Boy, I'm thirsty.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
Uh, maybe we should go.

STEPHANIE JACOBSEN
Whut? Are you crazy?

SYDNEY
It starts with dehydration. Then it gets worse. You don't have much time.

They LEAVE.

INT. CREEPY WAREHOUSE - THE PRESENT

ANNE FIELDS
In the future, you know my baby? That's cool.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
Your daughter helps save the world.

INT. FIELDS' CABIN - CLOSET - SIX MONTHS AGO

Lauren is HIDING OUT when ROGER THE DOUCHEBAG FINDS HER. Cameron comes up from behind and HITS HIM OVER THE HEAD because she MISTAKES HIM FOR A ROBOT.

Cameron and Lauren ESCAPE. They get in the CONNOR'S CAR with David and RUN OVER THE TERMINATOR. Then they pick up Anne and Sarah.

INT. CREEPY WAREHOUSE - THE PRESENT

Anne commands Lauren to DELIVER THE BABY. It's not as creepy as, say, CHANGING YOUR OWN DIAPERS... Heroes... The baby comes out all healthy and fine, Anne TAKES ONE LOOK AT HER INFANT and then DIES.

This BUMS DEREK OUT.

INT. SERRANO POINT HQ - THE FUTURE

Derek and Jesse and Sydney all ARRIVE SAFELY. Sydney is USHERED AWAY to have her BLOOD HARVESTED FOR A CURE or something similar.

Derek and Jesse are placed in the FIRST AID TENT. Jesse makes a QUIP about OSCAR WILDE. Derek talks about how he's NOT READY FOR DEATH.

STEPHANIE JACOBSEN
Oh yeah? Then what were you doing earlier with the gun in your mouth?

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
I was waiting for you.

STEPHANIE JACOBSEN
Wow, that's....
(she barfs)

Future Lauren comes in and administers THE ROBOT FLU VACCINE and THANKS DEREK for SAVING HER SISTER.

INT. CREEPY WAREHOUSE - PRESENT DAY

Derek covers up Anne, offers Lauren a spot at the Connor Hideout House, and then goes to MAKE A PHONE CALL.

INT. DINER - SIX MONTHS AGO

Sarah is counseling Lauren about how to DEAL WITH KILLER ROBOTS.

LENA HEADEY
Your parents will need your help understanding the severity of killer robots.

LAUREN FIELDS
Okie doke.

INT. CREEPY WAREHOUSE - PRESENT DAY

Derek is TALKING TO SARAH ON THE PHONE. Sarah apparently has KILLED THE TERMINATOR. Derek informs Sarah that he invited Lauren to stay with them. He is impressed with Lauren's fortitude.

Also, if they don't PROTECT LAUREN, then who will administer THE ROBOT FLU ANTIDOTE in the FUTURE? Someone ELSE? That CAN'T HAPPEN, PFF!

Derek RETURNS TO THE OTHER ROOM to find out that LAUREN HAS RUN AWAY with the baby.

THOMAS DEKKER
Hahahaha, psyche. I wasn't in this episode.

FADE OUT.

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