Are you tired of all the flash-fowarding this show does? Would you like a good old-fashioned flash back to the past? Well, saddle up. This episode will guarantee to satisfy.
INT. 1920's SPEAKEASY (1920, New Year's Eve)
People are DOING THE CHARLESTON and FLAPPING and WHATEVER ELSE they need to do to DEMONSTRATE THAT IT'S THE ROARING TWENTIES.
A FIRE STARTS. Fade to black.
INT. CONNOR HIDEOUT - PRESENT DAY
John is going through websites trying to find the THREE DOT LOGO.
Hey, I spent all night looking for your crazy turtle logo, and I haven't found it. I'm going to bed and that's the last we'll speak of this for the rest of this episode.
Whatever, do some chores.
Sarah leaves. John pawns THE LAUNDRY off on Cameron to fold.
EXT. LIBRARY - NIGHT
Cameron shows up at the EMPLOYEE ENTRANCE, AFTER HOURS, and BILLY LUSH in a WHEELCHAIR and BEARD answers the door. (Am I the only one who liked The Black Donnellys? Yes? Well, he was on Generation Kill, too, so suck it.)
Here are some donuts. Please let me read your books.
I hear Mexico is fun for chasing robots!
Yes. I enjoy tequila.
Is your brother's girlfriend still a bitch?
They continue to MAKE SMALL TALK about BOOKS AND STUFF and BE REALLY CUTE TOGETHER. Apparently Cameron has been SNEAKING OFF TO THE LIBRARY for QUITE SOME TIME.
I'm going to go seek out information about obscure muzzle-loading weapons.
Cameron seeks out INFORMATION about OBSCURE MUZZLE-LOADING WEAPONS. She discovers a PICTURE from the SPEAKEASY FIRE and notices that ONE OF THE SURVIVORS was a T-888.
This is all kinds of wrong.
FLASHBACK TO SPEAKEASY FIRE EXTERIORS
The T-888 walks around very ROBOTICALLY while people are CRYING about how FIRES ARE BAD. He LOOKS UP TOWARDS THE SKY QUIZZICALLY.
INT. JOHN CONNOR'S BEDROOM
Riley is STILL AROUND and is PLACING A BOOTY CALL to John. She asks him to PICK HER UP at a PARTY IN THE VALLEY.
INT. LIBRARY MICROFICHE ROOM
Cameron and Eric (I guess that's his name?) are LOOKING THROUGH PERIODICALS about THE FIRE IN 1920. Of course, Eric is using the MICROFICHE SCANNER and Cameron is just eyeballing the negatives BECAUSE SHE IS A ROBOT.
I'm in a wheelchair because of cancer, apparently. Also, why are you so interested in this dude?
I like researching obscure things.
They find a PRESS RELEASE with the T-888 shaking Rudolph Valentino's hand. Apparently the T-888 is going by the name MYRON STARK. It is a way better name than "CROMARTIE."
FLASHBACK TO VALENTINO'S FILM OPENING (The Sheik)
I'm strange because I'm a robot. Also, I liked your movie despite its inherent flaws.
Uh, thank you?
INT. LIBRARY MICROFICHE ROOM
Cameron NOTICES that there are OTHER PEOPLE in the handshaking picture, namely RUPERT CHANDLER.
I must find out more information. Where are the city and county records?
In a locked vault that I don't have the keys to.
Fortunately that is not a problem for me.
Cameron LEAVES to go BREAK INTO THE LOCKED ROOM and BILLY is a little PUT OUT by this.
INT. PARTY IN THE VALLEY
John WALKS IN and IMMEDIATELY FINDS THE FIRST ADULT HE CAN. He helps SOMEONE'S MOM unload GROCERIES.
Hey, I'm a dick and this is my party! Stop sucking up to my mom.
Have you seen Riley?
Yeah, sure, and I'll help you find her, just as soon as I verbally abuse my mother some more.
Riley APPEARS and GRABS A BREWSKY for her and John.
I thought you were getting date raped or something, why did you have me come up here to get you if you're just trying to get wasted?
Gosh, you really don't understand how booty calls work.
INT. LIBRARY RECORDS ROOM
Listen, I appreciate the donuts, but now you're acting like a jerk by breaking in to locked rooms.
BILLY gets SO WORKED UP he FALLS OUT OF HIS WHEELCHAIR. Cameron tries to HELP THE SAD TURTLE but he is perfectly capable of GETTING HIMSELF BACK IN HIS CHAIR. This seems to... interest? Cameron? It's hard to tell, she's A ROBOT.
LATER, AFTER COMMERCIAL BREAK
I'm sorry I'm a jerk. That's probably why I don't have any friends. That, and I'm a robot.
Did you find out any information while you were breaking and entering?
No. If I could be angry and annoyed, I would be right now.
Ha ha, maybe Myron was a bank robber.
FLASHBACK TO 1920s
MYRON the T-888 is ROBBING BANKS.
INT. LIBRARY RECORD ROOM
Cameron and BILLY are listening to a POLICE REPORT / NEWS REPORT about the BANK ROBBERY that's conveniently been stored ON VINYL.
So he stole money to build houses. Even though I said I didn't find any information, I did find these building permits with Myron Stark's name all over them.
FLASHBACK - NEWS REEL ABOUT MYRON STARK
Myron Stark was awesome! He worked relentlessly to build houses! Almost, you could say, like a robot! A non-stop building machine! He also liked black people because robots don't care about skin color, only about whether you can swing a hammer to their satisfaction! Yessir, Myron Stark: Awesome Robotic Man. ...By the way, real estate magnate Rupert Chandler is competing with Stark but has building contracts until 1925. That's 1925, please note.
I found out that some dude that work with Chandler disappeared mysteriously in 1925, and oh, I see here you have a gun in your purse.
It's a Glock.
Why would you have a gun in your purse, yeesh! Is this because you often show up with all sorts of cuts and bruises?
I work as a bodyguard, or something.
I've never even fired a gun as far as you know!
Cameron shows BILLY how to SHOOT HER GLOCK. He seems VERY EXCITED ABOUT THIS.
INT. PARTY IN THE VALLEY
Everyone is playing GEARS OF WAR or SOMETHING and they ROPE JOHN into PLAYING. He is a SUCKY VIDEO GAME PLAYER, because he DIES IN LIKE TWO SECONDS. Riley continues to hit on PARTY HOSTER MIKE right in front of John.
This sucks, I'm leaving.
On the way out, PARTY HOSTER MIKE notices that RILEY has STOLEN HIS LIGHTER. He gets ANNOYED and then John BEATS HIM PRETTY THOROUGHLY... WITH HIS FISTS.
Riley and John skedaddle.
Cameron and BILLY are WATCHING A NEWS REPORT from the EIGHTIES about the discovery of MISSING 1920's GUY'S BODY (Jeffers).
FLASHBACK TO 1925
MYRON the T-888 drops JEFFERS' body, CAR AND ALL, into a RAVINE.
I have discovered new information! Rupert Chandler's son died in that speakeasy fire.
Everything's coming up robot!
EXT. MAKEOUT POINT
John has driven Riley to some looky-loo parking spot.
Why would you call me to pick you up and then flirt with some other guy?
I'm a girl, yadda ya, boring stereotype, blah. Foster parents are weird! Blah blah blah bitchcakes.
So you're a loner like me, cool. Let's make out.
They MAKE OUT.
INT. LIBRARY BATHROOM
Cameron just BARGES RIGHT IN while BILLY is PEEING because Cameron LEARNED HER MANNERS from Sarah.
I think Stark killed Chandler's kid.
Well, you have no proof of that --
Also, do you ever contemplate suicide because you're a cripple?
WOW. Even for a robot, that was tactless.
They LEAVE THE BATHROOM.
So, I found a documentary about the survivors of the Speakeasy Fire, it's up in the film reel room, where I can't go because I'm crippled.
Cameron CARRIES HIM UP TO THE FILM ROOM because SHE'S A ROBOT.
Here's my monologue about how film documentaries are awesome and kind of like robots. See the parallels? Robots are ageless and so is film. It's kind of a stretch, whatever.
They find the DOCUMENTARY which is really just AN INTERVIEW with ONE OF THE CRYING CHICKS from the SPEAKEASY FIRE.
It appears that it wasn't a molotov cocktail from a rival gang that SET THE SPEAKEASY ON FIRE, it was MYRON STARK teleporting from THE FUTURE in his ENERGY BUBBLE OF FIRE AND BRIMSTONE.
This is ELABORATED with a FLASHBACK TO THE FIRE because THE AUDIENCE IS STUPID AND WE HAVE TIME TO FILL.
Hmm. He killed all those people by accident. Almost like in The Wizard of Oz because we gotta work in a reference to that today.
Cameron realizes that in the PHOTO where MYRON WAS STARING AT THE SKY, he was CALCULATING THE DATE by using the STARS.
Despite being a KILLER ROBOT, MYRON STARK miscalculated his TIME TRAVEL by NINETY YEARS.
Later, while READING THE EULOGY from Chandler's son's funeral, Cameron learns that PICO TOWER was a pet project for Chandler's son that Chandler refused to build after his son's death.
BUT WAIT! Pico Tower exists!
Apparently Myron Stark bankrupted Chandler and bought the land that was supposed to be the Pico Memorial Garden. We'll retell this through a flashback for ultimate redundancy.
Stark accidentally killed Will Chandler before Will Chandler could build Pico Tower. So Stark had to build it himself because something important was supposed to happen there on a New Year's Eve. Everyone got that?
Cameron LEAVES and heads to PICO TOWER.
INT. PICO TOWER
A sign reveals that there will be a GRAND RE-OPENING there on New Year's Eve, 2010, with special guest, THE GOVERNOR OF CALIFORNIA.
NO, NOT THAT ONE. Because REALITY IS WAY WEIRDER THAN FICTION, it's FAKE GOVERNOR MARK WYMAN.
Cameron STALKS THE HALLS looking around. She guesses that Myron Stark was supposed to kill MARK WYMAN, FAKE GOVERNOR, on 12/31/09. She BUSTS OPEN A WALL and Myron is in there, HIDING OUT in a PINSTRIPE SUIT with a TOMMY GUN.
She SHOOTS HIM WITH THE TOMMY GUN!
They ROBOT FIGHT for a bit, but OF COURSE SHE WINS. When Myron is pinned, she takes out A KNIFE and STABS HIM -- we don't see WHERE but PRESUMABLY IT'S RIGHT IN THE BRAINPLUG.
Cameron has RETURNED and is PUTTING ON MAKEUP to cover her NEW CUTS AND BRUISES.
You should really eat these donuts I brought you because your cancer has come back.
What. The hell.
Remember a long time ago when I told Sarah that I couldn't scan for cancer? I lied. I can totally scan for cancer. And you have a tumor in your arm.
It's not a tumah!
BILLY gets all PISSED OFF and KICKS Cameron OUT.
Make sure you see your doctor! Bye!
INT. CONNOR HIDEOUT
Cameron catches John SNEAKING IN the next morning. She can tell he's been with Riley and it probably ANNOYS HER as much as it ANNOYS THE REST OF US.
The next night, Cameron GOES TO THE LIBRARY, and Eric is not there. She uses her DONUTS on the NEW GIRL to GET IN TO THE LIBRARY AFTER HOURS AGAIN.
So you see, Cameron doesn't have friends. She just has DONUTS OF PERSUASION.
BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
Hahahaha, psyche. I wasn't in this episode.