Dancing with Geeks

Merlin: The Wicked Day
Oh, it's wicked, all right.
Merlin: The Darkest Hour, Part 2
Arthur sacrifices himself for Camelot... almost.
Merlin: The Darkest Hour, Part 1
Morgana unleashes a ghost army on Camelot.

T:SCC Episode 17 - Mr. Ferguson Is Ill Today

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If there's one benefit to having a cyborg as my pretend television boyfriend, it's that when he has his brainchip smashed to bits by a crazy woman with a bad mullet, there's always the chance of a copy of him coming back from the future. Oh, Garret. How I'll miss thee till that plot contrivance becomes necessary. :::exaggerated sigh:::

This episode will be presented in that wacky "point of view" style where the story is told from every character's perspective, except it's usually employed for comedic effect, and this week it's used for no good reason. At all.

EXT. CONNOR HIDEOUT - SARAH P.O.V.

Sarah is BANGING ON SOMETHING in the garage as John walks RILEY to her BIKE.

RILEY
Thanks for inviting me to dinner even though you hate me, Mrs. Connor!

As Riley and John make SMALL TALK and SAY THEIR GOODBYES, Sarah BANGS AWAY in the GARAGE.

THOMAS DEKKER
I bought my girlfriend a bike helmet, aren't I sweet?

LENA HEADEY
You're totally going to get her killed and you don't even care.

John SULKS OFF as Cameron ROBOT WALKS up to Sarah.

SUMMER GLAU
I can make him stop seeing Riley.

LENA HEADEY
That's kind of creepy.

THE NEXT DAY -- STILL SARAH'S P.O.V.

Sarah is installing a FLOOR SAFE in the LIVING ROOM. Cameron ROBOT WALKS in.

SUMMER GLAU
I don't think we'll be seeing Riley anymore.

LENA HEADEY
Okay, it's definitely creepy that you can convince him to do stuff he doesn't want to do. You're not a Rape Robot, right?

Cameron GOES OUT to GET SOME MORE AMMO. As Sarah is ROOTING AROUND UNDER THE FLOORBOARDS, Cromartie WALKS UP BEHIND HER and KNOCKS HER AROUND. They get UPSTAIRS and see that JOHN ISN'T THERE.

CROMARTIE
Jesus, lady, you can't even keep track of your own kid? What the hell are you doing every day?

INT. CONNOR HIDEOUT - CAMERON'S P.O.V.

Cameron SPIES ON JOHN AND RILEY as they're SAYING THEIR GOODBYES (from the night before.) She ROBOT WALKS up to Sarah and has the SAME CONVERSATION as the night before.

This time, we see Cameron TAKE OFF SOME CLOTHES and then GO INTO JOHN'S ROOM, to SNUGGLE.

THOMAS DEKKER
This snuggling thing is kind of creepy.

SUMMER GLAU
Don't be afraid. In the future we snuggle all the time. By the way, don't see Riley anymore.

THOMAS DEKKER
Okie doke.

SUMMER GLAU
I'll leave you here to masturbate or whatever.

THE NEXT DAY - STILL CAMERON'S P.O.V.

Cameron leaves to GO GET AMMO. When she arrives at the SECRET AMMO STORAGE UNIT, she finds Derek ALREADY THERE.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
Hey, this secret ammo storage unit is not for robots. Only for resistance fighters.

SUMMER GLAU
Well, John was supposed to tell you that we need stuff to do things like blow things up.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
John's a wussy.

SUMMER GLAU
Well, you obviously can't teach him not to be while you're busy porking your secret girlfriend.

JUST THEN, someone CALLS DEREK, and he steps out to ANSWER IT. Cameron CALLS THE SAME NUMBER FROM HIS CALLER ID and gets a response IN SPANISH.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
It was an alert code from John. Let's go.

INT. JOHN CONNOR'S BEDROOM, THE NIGHT BEFORE, JOHN P.O.V.

Cameron leaves John's BEDROOM, and once she's gone, he GRABS A KNAPSACK and SNEAKS OUT OF THE HOUSE.

INT. BUS TO MEXICO - THE NEXT DAY - JOHN'S P.O.V.

John and Riley are RUNNING AWAY to Mexico. John is taking her to THE TOWN HE GREW UP IN in Mexico.

RILEY
We're not running away to have wild foreign country sex to spite your mom, are we?

THOMAS DEKKER
Who, me? I'm totally innocent.

They ARRIVE IN MEXICO and it's DIA DE LOS MUERTOS, the COOLEST HOLIDAY EVER. Bring me back some SUGAR SKULLS!

RILEY
So, we're skull shopping?

THOMAS DEKKER
Yes. Shut up and have fun.

Later, they're in the HONEYMOON SUITE and John is trying to FIX THE JACUZZI.

RILEY
We should talk about our pasts and stuff, if we're going to go straight to hot tub sex.

THOMAS DEKKER
I was hoping the only time you wouldn't talk would be during hot tub sex.

RILEY
"I don't like getting attached to people" -- even though I specifically sought out a connection with you when you'd made it clear that you wanted to alienate yourself from the rest of our school. Now I'm gonna jump in the hot tub with my clothes on, cuz I'm quirky.

She DOES. John finds this ENDEARING. I'd think John Connor, of all people, would not find the MANIC PIXIE DREAM GIRL thing attractive, but he IS YOUNG AND DUMB.

Later, Riley and John are HAVING DINNER. John speaks Spanish in his HORRIBLE ACCENT and Riley is impressed. A DUDE tries to do the whole "I'll Take Your Picture If You Give Me Five Dollars" routine and pisses John off. Unfortunately THE DUDE RECOGNIZES JOHN. This is NOT GOOD. A scuffle ENSUES. John and Riley get themselves ARRESTED EXPEDIENTLY.

INT. MEXICAN JAIL - JOHN'S P.O.V.

John tries out his TERRIBLE ACCENT and PISSES OFF THE COPS, one of whom is the HEAD MAYAN from Sons of Anarchy. They give him a PHONE to CALL DEREK OR SARAH to come PICK HIM UP.

John calls Derek first and DOES THE ALERT CODE thing. Then he calls Sarah and realizes A ROBOT HAS ANSWERED. John and Riley get PUT IN A JAIL CELL.

Later, Riley pretends that John is trying to RAPE HER to DISTRACT THE GUARD. They ESCAPE just as CROMARTIE STARTS SHOOTING UP THE PLACE.

INT. CROMARTIE'S CONVERTIBLE - EARLIER IN THE DAY - SARAH'S P.O.V.

Cromartie has Sarah TIED UP IN THE BACK SEAT.

CROMARTIE

Cameron's chip is all screwed up, isn't it? Robots know these things. By the way, thanks for leaving one kid alive for me to interrogate. That was dumb.

Sarah GETS FREE and ROLLS OUT THE BACK. Which is DUMB, because then Cromartie stops and PUTS HER IN THE TRUNK. Sarah finds an aluminum soda can and tears it up hoping to CUT HER DUCT TAPE BONDS.

There is a lot of YELLING AND SHOOTING outside when the car stops. Sarah ACCIDENTALLY SLICES HER HAND OPEN on the SODA CAN in an injury I CAN TOTALLY RELATE TO. Let me just tell you, that thing is going to SCAR LIKE CRAZY.

The TRUNK POPS OPEN and AGENT ELLISON is there to FREE HER.

EXT. PARK - EARLIER THAT DAY - ELLISON'S P.O.V.

Agent Ellison is JOGGING when he gets a CALL from someone in the FBI about JOHN CONNOR being put in a MEXICAN JAIL. He decides to CHECK IT OUT.

INT. MEXICAN JAIL - OFFICE

HEAD MEXICAN COP
So, why did you come all the way down here to check out a kid that's eight years younger than the real John Connor?

RICHARD T. JONES
Uh... I'm really thorough?

HEAD MEXICAN COP
Okay, sure. Hang on a minute while I go in the other room and deal with a killer robot.

Cromartie is in the OTHER ROOM and he starts SHOOTING EVERYONE. Ellison hits the floor and tries to FIND A GUN. He sees Riley and John RUNNING TO ESCAPE. They RUN AWAY TOGETHER, jumping in Cromartie's CONVERTIBLE.

As Cromartie is SHOOTING AT THEM, Riley hears someone POUNDING IN THE TRUNK. Ellison STOPS THE CAR and they find Sarah IN THE TRUNK. All four of them RUN AWAY.

INT. HONEYMOON SUITE HIDEOUT

Sarah, John, Riley and Agent Ellison are HIDING OUT. Sarah takes the SHARD OF CAN out of her PALM.

LENA HEADEY
Why did you come all the way down here?

RICHARD T. JONES
The robot has been following me. So I planned to come to Mexico and spring John out of jail. It all makes sense. You saved me in that fire last season, I lead a killer robot to Mexico in order to save your son.

IN THE OTHER ROOM

THOMAS DEKKER
Maybe running away to Mexico was a bad idea.

RILEY
I don't want to run away! We haven't tried the hot tub with our clothes off yet.

Sarah gives Riley some money for BUS FARE and KICKS HER OUT.

IN THE OTHER ROOM

Sarah calls Derek. Derek and Cameron are already at the MEXICAN JAIL.

BEGIN DEREK'S P.O.V.

People are running away from the jail, BLOODIED AND SAD. Cameron heads RIGHT FOR THE JAIL.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
Stupid robots!

Cameron and Derek sweep through the jail, INTERROGATING PEOPLE.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
Hey! You! Guard That John Beat Up Earlier! Did John run away or was he killed by a robot?

The guard tells Derek that John ESCAPED and then Derek gets THE CALL from SARAH.

BEGIN CROMARTIE'S P.O.V

Cromartie is just arriving at the MEXICAN JAIL and is ANNOYED that they won't let him see John, so he starts SHOOTING PEOPLE, but oddly he is not SHOOTING TO KILL. He finds out that JOHN ESCAPED. On his way back out, he starts SHOOTING TO KILL, and sees Ellison RUNNING OUT.

After grabbing some MORE GUNS, he GOES OUTSIDE and sees Ellison GETTING A FIRST AID KIT OUT OF HIS CAR'S TRUNK. Cromartie follows Ellison INTO A CHURCH.

INT. MEXICAN CHURCH

Ellison is PRAYING.

RICHARD T. JONES
Praying is fun!

Derek and Sarah are OUTSIDE THE CHURCH and they start SHOOTING AT CROMARTIE through some CONVENIENTLY PLACED WINDOWS that function as GUN TURRETS. At completely the wrong time, a SLOW MOTION version of CROMARTIE GETTING SHOT UP set to some MEXICAN SAD SONG starts up, getting entirely the wrong response from me, as I LAUGH A LOT.

Cameron walks in from behind and SHOOTS CROMARTIE A LOT in the HEAD. Once Cromartie FALLS DOWN, John walks in and takes a BITCH SHOT at him.

They BURY Cromartie's carcass and plan to COME BACK LATER TO BURN HIM.

RICHARD T. JONES
What now? Fondue party?

LENA HEADEY
Do me a favor and forget we exist.

RICHARD T. JONES
You know, chasing you around is why I got divorced and quit my job, totally.

LENA HEADEY
That sounds like horseshit. You've seen everything. You need to go away now.

Sarah takes CROMARTIE'S BRAIN PLUG and SMASHES IT ALL TO HELL with a ROCK and the BUTT OF HER MACHINE GUN. She goes all APESHIT and John has to STOP HER and HUG HER.

Agent Ellison WALKS AWAY.

FADE OUT.

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