Inspired by badness.

Merlin: The Wicked Day
Oh, it's wicked, all right.
Merlin: The Darkest Hour, Part 2
Arthur sacrifices himself for Camelot... almost.
Merlin: The Darkest Hour, Part 1
Morgana unleashes a ghost army on Camelot.

T:SCC 18 - Complications

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EXT. MEXICO - SHALLOW GRAVE OF CROMARTIE

Sarah is HAVING A DREAM about how SHE AND CAMERON ARE MORMONS OR SOMETHING and JOHN SPRINGS UP OUT OF THE GROUND with the help of TERMINATOR CACTUSES.

She WAKES UP in the back of the Connormobil, on its way back to Los Angeles from Mexico. They STOP THE CAR so she can THROW UP on the side of the road, and that's when Sarah NOTICES A TURTLE on its back. She PICKS IT UP and TURNS IT OVER.

INT. CONNOR HIDEOUT

Sarah is IN BED with THE FLU OR SOMETHING. She INSISTS that Cameron and John IMMEDIATELY GO BACK TO MEXICO to catch whatever virus she caught BURN CROMARTIE'S BODY.

INT. DEREK'S VEHICLE

Derek gets a PHONE CALL from Jesse (STEPHANIE JACOBSEN).

JESSE
You. Here. Now.

INT. WAREHOUSE

JESSE
I kidnapped Richard Schiff from the mall.

Jesse LEADS DEREK into one of the box car container things stacked in the warehouse. RICHARD SCHIFF is in there, bound and gagged.

JESSE
He's a bad guy. You should trust me on this.

INT. CONNORMOBILE - ON THE WAY BACK TO MEXICO

SUMMER GLAU
I like sticking my feet out the window.

THOMAS DEKKER
Yeah, well, knock it off. Robots aren't supposed to enjoy road trips.

SUMMER GLAU
Robots like road trips. Robots like lots of things. Robots are awesome.

INT. WAREHOUSE

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
Why did you kidnap Richard Schiff?

JESSE
I told you, he's a bad guy. A rat. A sneak. A traiter. A turncoat. A fink. An informer. Bad, bad, double bad. So I hit him with a brick.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
Really? I don't remember him. And I relish every opportunity to hate bad people.

RICHARD SCHIFF
I'm tv's Richard Schiff! Please stop hitting me! I'm just an innocent watchmaker! Like that guy on Hereos! Who... kills... people.... damn.

JESSE
I'm going to hit you some more.

She HITS HIM some more.

RICHARD SCHIFF
I'm just a dude! Trying to hang! I don't know what's going on!

Derek takes Jesse outside for a little CHAT.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
I don't know this guy, how are you sure that he's a bad guy?

JESSE
I swear, he's a human who works for robots. We must kill him.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
Okay, but let's get him to tell us what his secret plans are before we do that.

Jesse STORMS OFF.

INT. CONNOR HIDEOUT

Sarah appears to be having MORE MORMON DREAMS. She walks through the house and finds a NURSERY (the baby kind, not the plant kind) full of HOSPITAL BASSINETS with BABY TURTLES in them.

Cameron is in the corner, BREASTFEEDING A TURTLE OR SOMETHING. She GETS UP and GIVES THE TURTLE to CROMARTIE. Sarah wakes up, having SLEPTWALK to the FRONT YARD with A GUN. Totally safe to have an armed sleepwalker in the neighborhood.

EXT. MEXICAN GRAVE OF CROMARTIE - NIGHT

John and Cameron are DIGGING UP the ground and CAN'T FIND Cromartie's body.

THOMAS DEKKER
What the hell, who steals a robot body?

SUMMER GLAU
I dunno, but I sure am wearing some snazzy boots for graverobbing duty.

John and Cameron STORM OFF.

INT. WAREHOUSE - NEXT DAY

Derek returns to RICHARD SCHIFF with cheeseburgers.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
Eat. There is no McDonald's in the future.

RICHARD SCHIFF
You're not going to hit me any more, right? Because I'm totally not the bad guy you think I am. Like I said, I'm a watchmaker.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
Right, okay. Eat your cheeseburger, liar.

RICHARD SCHIFF
You know, girlfriends will make you do stupid things. Love can make you kidnap people you think are robot traitors.

Derek NOTICES A TATTOO on RICHARD SCHIFF'S ARM.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
You've got prison ink.

RICHARD SCHIFF
Uh... no. You know us watchmakers, we're crazy about tattoos...

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
(tying Richard back up)
Cheeseburger time is over.

Derek tries to PLACE A CALL to Cameron without USING THE SECRET CODE. She HANGS UP ON HIM. He CALLS BACK using the code and ASKS HER TO VERIFY the identity of RICHARD SCHIFF. She CAN'T.

INT. DR. SHERMAN'S OFFICE

Sarah pays at visit to the PSYCHIATRIST from THREE EPISODES AGO.

DR. SHERMAN
Hey, crazy lady. My office is closed for the day.

LENA HEADEY
I really need some dream therapy. I've been having crazy turtle nightmares. I like to sleepwalk with a gun.

DR. SHERMAN
Well, that sounds serious. Let's have an impromptu off-the-books counseling session.

EXT. ELLISON'S HOUSE - LATER THAT DAY

Cameron and John are staking out Agent Ellison's house.

SUMMER GLAU
Why did your mother give a crap about that turtle on the side of the road?

THOMAS DEKKER
She likes to help turtles.

SUMMER GLAU
How come some humans are awesome and save turtles and other people hate turtles?

THOMAS DEKKER
I don't know, but I'm sure Barack Obama will change all that.

SUMMER GLAU
Robots wouldn't kill a turtle unless it could lead us to John Connor.

THOMAS DEKKER
Well, yay. Robots: 1, Mean Humans: 0

Agent Ellison ARRIVES HOME so John and Cameron GET OUT OF THE CAR to go BEAT THE HELL OUT OF HIM.

INT. ELLISON'S HOUSE

Cameron SMACKS ELLISON AROUND a little.

THOMAS DEKKER
Where's the money, Lebowski?

RICHARD T. JONES
I didn't take the body, I swear! Please stop choking me!

Cameron CHOKES HIM SOME MORE.

THOMAS DEKKER
Let go of him, I think he's telling the truth.

SUMMER GLAU
He's totally lying.

RICHARD T. JONES
Choke!

THOMAS DEKKER
Stop choking the dude. Let's go.

Cameron STOPS CHOKING ELLISON and FLIPS HIM OVER ON TO HIS STOMACH. Aww, that's cute. She thinks he's turtle! John NOTICES a PICTURE OF SARAH on Ellison's floor. It should be LINDA HAMILTON from the first TERMINATOR but INSTEAD it's LENA HEADEY. He TAKES IT.

INT. WAREHOUSE

Jesse RETURNS with ANOTHER KIDNAPPED version of CHARLES FISCHER. It's the YOUNG, PRESENT version. They HAVE THE SAME BIRTHMARK.

JESSE
See? Even a blind squirrel gets a nut.

YOUNG FISCHER
I'm the real Charles Fischer!

RICHARD SCHIFF
This is all a trick!

JESSE
Stop lying, liar.

Jesse SMACKS RICHARD SCHIFF AROUND some more.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
Could you stop beating on him for a second and tell me just what it is we're doing?

JESSE
We're beating the fuck out of this dude. Because I got a free couple of hours.

Derek starts PULLING OUT YOUNG FISCHER'S FINGERNAILS.

RICHARD SCHIFF
Ew! Stop!

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
The young version of you isn't enough of a dick yet, so I'm going to torture him till you admit that you're the one who's the real dick.

RICHARD SCHIFF
Okay! I'm the real Charles Fischer! I got sent back from the future because I'm an awesome turncoat! Also: the only way I survived the apocalypse was because I was locked up in Pelican Bay.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
We gotta stop making prisons Apocalypse-proof.

INT. DR. SHERMAN'S OFFICE

DR. SHERMAN
I wish you'd quit jerking me around and tell me what it is you're hiding.

LENA HEADEY
Just tell me what turtles represent. Do they represent robots?

DR. SHERMAN
I think turtles mean you're a liar. So stop lying. Or leave.

Sarah LEAVES.

INT. WAREHOUSE

FOR SOME REASON, Derek and Jesse have left THE TWO FISCHERS alone.

YOUNG FISCHER
I don't believe you about the robots.

RICHARD SCHIFF
God, I was so dumb when I was younger. Your life is worthless right now and you don't know it.

YOUNG FISCHER
Can't you just weasel your way out of this situation? You seem good at weaseling. Which means I am, too!

OUTSIDE the BOXCAR, Jesse and Derek are talking.

JESSE
We need to stop screwing around and kill this guy.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
What exactly did he do?

Jesse tells a long FLASHFORWARD STORY about how CHARLES FISCHER used all his JAIL TIME KNOWLEDGE to teach the Terminators how to BE PEOPLE BETTER, by CAPTURING HUMANS and INTERROGATING THEM FOR SHOW. The big REVEAL at the end is that it wasn't JESSE who was BEING TORTURED to serve CHARLES FISCHER, but it was DEREK.

Derek STILL DOESN'T REMEMBER Charles Fischer.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
Let's go kill this sumbitch!

Derek CHARGES IN to SHOOT YOUNG FISCHER, but BEFORE HE CAN, Jesse shoots OLD FISCHER.

YOUNG FISCHER
I guess he wasn't so good at weaseling.

INT. CONNOR HIDEOUT

LENA HEADEY
Hey, son, what do turtles mean to you?

THOMAS DEKKER
It means you need to lay off the Nyquil, mom. Oh, by the way, Cromartie's body is gone.

LENA HEADEY
If I weren't so damn tired I'd be yelling more right now. And I feel bad that I left that kid in the bowling alley alive for Cromartie to find and kill.

THOMAS DEKKER
Hey, if you can't leave survivors behind, you're no better than a killer robot.

EXT. SHALLOW GRAVESITE OF CHARLES FISCHER

Derek is just FINISHING UP burying RICHARD SCHIFF.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
Tell me again why you killed the old dude and not the young dude?

JESSE
The young dude hadn't done anything to merit my killing him.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
...yet. Which is why we should've killed him.

JESSE
I really can't believe you can't remember being tortured by the guy, because in the future you couldn't shut up about how you wanted to kill him. And here you are, not wanting to kill him. What gives?

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
You know, maybe we're from different futures. Maybe you're from the future where Derek Reese is tortured, and I'm not! I just have bad taste in women in both future timelines. Hey, but maybe we changed the future!

Except THEY DIDN'T.

INT. YOUNG CHARLES FISCHER'S EMPLOYER, "SRF"

Young Charles Fischer is ARRESTED for BREAKING IN to his company -- ALLEGEDLY -- and ACCESSING CLASSIFIED MILITARY COMPUTER FILES -- ALLEGEDLY. Except it wasn't Young Charles who did it, it was OLD CHARLES. But they have the SAME EYEBALLS AND FINGERPRINTS to gain access to CLASSIFIED AREAS, so in effect, OLD CHARLES guaranteed that YOUNG CHARLES would be ARRESTED and PUT IN PELICAN BAY, where he SURVIVED THE APOCALYPSE THE FIRST TIME.

Yep. Shoulda really killed both of them.

EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY

Agent Ellison is meeting with Catherine Weaver (SHIRLEY MANSON) and as it turns out, he DID STEAL the BODY OF CROMARTIE. He GIVES IT TO HER. He wants to FIND OUT HOW ROBOTS WORK. Dear James: It is NOT ON SUGAR, SPICE, OR ANYTHING NICE.

INT. DR. SHERMAN'S OFFICE - DREAMLAND

Sarah is dreaming that she's SEEING DR. SHERMAN in her MORMON DRESS and he TELLS HER TO FUCK OFF. You know your DREAMS SUCK when even the PEOPLE IN THEM don't want to TALK TO YOU.

INT. CONNOR HIDEOUT - BASEMENT

Sarah is AWAKE and is CHECKING OUT the BLOOD GRAFFITI in the BASEMENT. She realizes her TURTLE DREAMS are COMING FROM SOMETHING SHE READ THERE.

Or, SOMETHING.

FADE OUT.

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