THE DEATHHOOP NUMBER STAYS IN THE SHOW.

Merlin: The Wicked Day
Oh, it's wicked, all right.
Merlin: The Darkest Hour, Part 2
Arthur sacrifices himself for Camelot... almost.
Merlin: The Darkest Hour, Part 1
Morgana unleashes a ghost army on Camelot.

T:SCC Allison From Palmdale

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Finally, a really good episode. I still don't understand why it's so hard to consistently write good tv, but apparently it's a real challenge. The reason I still enjoy and stick with Sarah Conner Chronicles is because occasionally they put out a really great episode, like this one.

INT. FUTURE RESISTANCE HIDEOUT

SUMMER GLAU is RUNNING AWAY from UNSEEN PURSUERS. It's not quite Cameron, because what would a killer robot run away from? As she ESCAPES the tunnels and STUMBLES ACROSS SOME FUTURE RUBBLE, she's CAPTURED WITH A NET. Definitely not Cameron.

Cut to:

EXT. STREET - DAY (PRESENT)

THOMAS DEKKER
Hey, you're acting weird. Weirder than usual, that is.

SUMMER GLAU
I could kill you, you know.

THOMAS DEKKER
Whatever, go do some grocery shopping. I'm going to head out to Radio Shack by myself because that's a smart thing to do right after nearly being killed for the hundreth time.

EXT. NEW CONNOR HIDEOUT

BUSY PHILIPPS waves down Sarah Connor as she's leaving the house. BUSY is having BABY PAINS, so Sarah takes her to the hospital.

INT. GROCERY STORE

Cameron picks up an APPLE and HAS A FLASHBACK(forward) to GETTING CAPTURED. She knocks over a BIN FULL OF WATERMELONS. Cops show up and assume that Cameron is HIGH or SOMETHING and ARREST HER.

FLASHFORWARD:

Not-Quite-Cameron is being interrogated by Terminators. They ask her her name and she REFUSES. They burn the HUMAN BAR CODE on her arm and she gives us her NAME: Allison Young.

PRESENT:

INT. HOLDING CELL

LEAH PIPES
Hi, I'm Jody, I'll be your trigger for repressed memories today.

SUMMER GLAU
Somehow I remember getting a tattoo I don't have.

LEAH PIPES
Yeah, Jager will do that to you.

INT. HOSPITAL ROOM

BUSY'S baby seems to be all right, but they need to RUN SOME SCARY TESTS just to make sure. Sarah decides to STAY WITH HER because she knows what it's like to be PREGNANT AND ALONE.

INT. GROCERY STORE

THOMAS DEKKER
Who's been smooshing watermelons?

BYSTANDER
Some crazy chick. Acting like a robot.

John heads directly for the police station, where Cameron IS BEING RELEASED. Of note: She has a WAD OF HUNDRED DOLLAR BILLS. Jody likes this.

LEAH PIPES
So, we're best friends now. Let's go spend that cash. Er, I mean, uh, "braid each other's hair."

LATER, John arrives at the police station and finds out Cameron HAS ALREADY LEFT. He decides to RUN AROUND TOWN asking if ANYONE KNOWS JODY.

INT. HOSPITAL ROOM

BUSY PHILIPPS
Look at me! I'm huge! Sheesh! Also, I'm having a boy. Just like you! Tell me personal anecdotes.

LENA HEADEY
I gave birth in the jungle, because I'm fucking tough.

BUSY PHILIPPS
Your only painkiller was a bottle of rum? What are you, a pirate?

JON HUERTAS shows up and THIS SHOW GAINS COOL POINTS based on its NEW CONNECTION TO GENERATION KILL.

JON HUERTAS
What's up, I'm the baby daddy.

Sarah ducks out to give them PRIVATE TIME.

EXT. SANTA MONICA BOULEVARD?

John is FRANTICALLY LOOKING FOR JODY and/or Cameron. Asking "Have you seen this girl?" works AS WELL AS YOU'D THINK.

INT. HOSPITAL MATERNITY WARD

Sarah Connor is LOOKING AT BABIES and then REMEMBERS SHE HAS ONE. She calls John to CHECK IN. He LIES ABOUT WHERE HE IS. She makes the mistake of TELLING HIM SHE'LL BE GONE FOR A WHILE.

INT. SHIRLEY MANSON'S OFFICE

SHIRLEY MANSON's character is named CATHERINE WEAVER but THAT'S DUMB. She's SHIRLEY fucking MANSON.

Agent Ellison is visiting her again.

RICHARD T. JONES
So, I'm not saying I believe in robots, because they're evil. But why do you like robots?

SHIRLEY MANSON
Oh, who said I like robots? Also, you shouldn't call robots names. It makes them feel bad.

RICHARD T. JONES
I'm not saying I believe in robots, but I believe they're jerks.

SHIRLEY MANSON
So, two years ago my husband and I crashed a helicopter and he died but I survived. Even though that should be highly suspicious because people don't usually just walk away from crashes like that willy-nilly, I'll continue to tell you awkwardly about how much I loved that helicopter. Er, husband. Yeah, I loved my dumb helicopter crashing husband.

RICHARD T. JONES
So... I don't get what you're saying here. Are robots better chopper pilots than humans, or what?

SHIRLEY MANSON
Look, forget the helicopter thing. Let's just get us some robots.

INT. PRISON - FUTURE
Allison/Cameron is in prison. She DOESN'T LIKE THE FOOD.

INT. CAFE - PRESENT
Allison/Cameron and Jody are eating a TON OF CARBS.

LEAH PIPES
Anyway, so I'm like, a free spirit and shit. Dig me.

SUMMER GLAU
I like your necklace.

A RANDOM DUDE decides to BEAT THE CRAP out of JODY for SOMETHING SHE STOLE. Instead of kicking the guy's ass, Cameron GIVES HIM HER WAD OF MONEY.

INT. HALFWAY HOUSE

LEAH PIPES
Well, you stupidly gave away all our money, but I'll hang out with you still anyway.

SUMMER GLAU
I'm suspiciously good at covering up bruises with makeup.

LEAH PIPES
Hey, sorry. I didn't know you were getting beaten and stuff. Here, take my necklace.

INT. OFFICE OF AGENT ELLISON'S EX WIFE

RICHARD T. JONES
Can you run a background check on this crazy bitch who wants to hire me?

FAY WOLF
Gosh, I'm pretty. I wonder if you're going to regret our divorce? Also, I decided to keep your last name even though I'm remarried or something.

INT. - HALFWAY HOUSE COUNSELOR'S OFFICE
JILLIAN ARMENANTE is playing someone NORMAL for a change. Allison/Cameron flashes back and forth between being interrogated by a TERMINATOR in the FUTURE and being questioned by JILLIAN in the PRESENT. The answers appear to be all the same.

SUMMER GLAU
I remember... tigers.

JILLIAN ARMENANTE
You can tell me anything. Except if you're planning to kill someone. That'll be important to remember later.

SUMMER GLAU
I remember parents I never had and birthday parties that didn't happen to me.

JILLIAN ARMENANTE
...what?

SUMMER GLAU
Robot apocalypse. You had to be there. Or you will be, ha ha! Also, I'm Allison from Palmdale.

INT. CAFE FROM EARLIER
John finally finds someone who knows Jody and is directed to the Halfway House.

INT. HOSPITAL ROOM

BUSY PHILIPPS
So my baby daddy went to get cheeseburgers. Also, I'm full of worry for my unborn son. Let's bond.

INT. COUNSELOR'S OFFICE
Allison/Cameron calls her mother in Palmdale. The mother is PREGNANT because Allison/Cameron doesn't know about TIME TRAVEL. She DOESN'T KNOW Allison/Cameron.

SUMMER GLAU
I am sad that my human mother doesn't know me because I'm not born yet.

INT. HOSPITAL ROOM
JON HUERTAS has returned with CHEESEBURGERS. He makes SMALL TALK with Sarah.

JON HUERTAS
Hey, I'm a cop. Get nervous.

BUSY's tests came back GOOD, so she can GO HOME SOON.

INT. OFFICE OF AGENT ELLISON'S EX WIFE

FAY WOLF
This Shirley Manson person doesn't seem to have any suspicious records. You still shouldn't work for her, though.

RICHARD T. JONES
(looking at documents
It appears Shirley Manson was lying about that whole helicopter crash thing.

FAY WOLF
Hello? Are you listening? I think you have PTSD. So does my boyfriend or whatever.

RICHARD T. JONES
Can you stop talking about me with all the new guys that are hollowing you out? Sheesh.

INT. - HALFWAY HOUSE
Allison / Cameron is playing FOOSBALL with Jody. John WALKS IN.

THOMAS DEKKER
Hey, let's go.

SUMMER GLAU
I don't know you. Help! Rape! Rape! Fire!

THOMAS DEKKER
Great, you jiggled your processor or something and now you're a foosball playing moron.

FLASHFORWARD:

Allison is RUNNING AWAY from the TERMINATORS, and ends up in some sort of DETAINMENT ROOM full of DIRTY YELLING PEOPLE in CAGES. Also, A TIGER. She GETS OUT and JUMPS OFF THE END OF AN AIRCRAFT CARRIER. The robots CATCH HER with ANOTHER NET.

PRESENT:

LEAH PIPES
Who are you?

THOMAS DEKKER
I'm her brother, sort of. Look, can't a random guy just take a girl out of a halfway house?

The answer is NO, because John gets BOOTED FROM THE HALFWAY HOUSE after Allison/Cameron THROWS HIM INTO A WALL.

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - FUTURE
Allison is being interrogated by Cameron (or what will become Cameron.)

CAMERON GLAU
Your hair is pretty but it was hard to render.

SUMMER ALLISON
Look, hanging out here was fun and all, but fuck off.

CAMERON GLAU
John Connor likes you so I think I'll steal your face.

SUMMER ALLISON
Uhm, I don't really get what's going on here. Don't you want to Kill All Humans?

CAMERON GLAU
Not really. And you're pretty so we're gonna start making copies of you to infiltrate the human resistance. Later we're going to make a liquid metal robot that's blond with huge tits. Unsurprisingly this will work out better for us.

SUMMER ALLISON
Liquid... what?

CAMERON GLAU
No, seriously, sometimes robots want peace, and we want the credit for it. So help me find John Connor.

INT. COUNSELOR'S OFFICE - PRESENT

SUMMER GLAU
So, I'm a robot, and I'm going to behead John Connor because beheadings are fun.

JILLIAN ARMENANTE
Didn't I tell you like twenty minutes ago not to mention killings? Now I gotta call the cops.

Cameron ROBOT WALKS out of the office and JILLIAN CALLS THE COPS.

LEAH PIPES
Let's get out of here and go to Portland. I hear they have donuts with Nyquil in them.

SUMMER GLAU
Okie doke.

INT. HOSPITAL

JON HUERTAS
So, why are you here?

LENA HEADEY
Because you weren't around, dipshit.

JON HUERTAS
Well, as it turns out, I didn't leave Busy, she left me because she's creeped out by cops.

LENA HEADEY
Well, at least we have that in common.

JON gets a PHONE CALL and has to GO and do COP STUFF.

OTHER COPS arrive at the HALFWAY HOUSE to ARREST CAMERON but she's ALREADY LEFT.

INT. SHIRLEY MANSON'S OFFICE

SHIRLEY has a young redheaded daughter named SAVANNAH. I'm sure THIS WILL BE EXPLAINED LATER.

RICHARD T. JONES
I don't have kids but I like them a lot because I'm the perfect man. By the way, I hear this helicopter crash story of yours is bullshit. NTSB says it was mechanical failure.

SHIRLEY MANSON
I'm a horrible actress so you take all the lines here.

RICHARD T. JONES
You made the report say "mechanical failure" because you don't want your "daughter" to think your "husband" was a jackass. Also, I'll totally take that job offer.

EXT. JODY'S PARENT'S HOUSE
Cameron and Jody are BREAKING IN to a HOUSE.

LEAH PIPES
Lie, lie, something about something lies.

SUMMER GLAU
Are you lying to me? Whose necklace is this?

LEAH PIPES
I stole it from my mom, okay? Sheesh! What is it with you and lies about jewelry?

FLASHFORWARD:
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - FUTURE

CAMERON GLAU
This bracelet you're wearing isn't about Living Strong at all, is it?!

SUMMER ALLISON
No, I swear, I really hate cancer.

CAMERON GLAU
The bracelet is an incredibly stupid pass code to John Connor's resistance camp! YOU LIAR!

ROBOT CAMERON snaps HUMAN ALLISON's neck. She TAKES the BRACELET so she can INFILTRATE THE RESISTANCE.

INT. JODY'S PARENT'S HOUSE - PRESENT

SUMMER GLAU
I AM VERY UPSET ABOUT LYING.

LEAH PIPES
Alright, alright. The truth is I dropped out of college, okay? And my parents hate me for it or something. Let's rob them blind.

SUMMER GLAU
YOU LIAR!

Cameron appears to SNAP JODY'S NECK just as John RUNS IN. But Jody is NOT DEAD. John and Cameron leave.

INT. HOSPITAL ROOM

BUSY PHILIPPS
I am freaked out by cops.

LENA HEADEY
Yeah, I know.

BUSY PHILIPPS
I don't want to raise my child in a police state.

LENA HEADEY
The truth is, John's dad died before he was born.

BUSY PHILIPPS
Well, that's a bummer.

LENA HEADEY
My point is that you don't have to worry, because I have lots of guns and I live next door.

INT. CONNOR GIANT PICKUP TRUCK

THOMAS DEKKER
Where'd you get that necklace?

SUMMER GLAU
Wherever Jody said she got it. I'm just perpetuating the circle of lies here.

FADE OUT.

You can check out my review of this episode over at Pop Syndicate.

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