You're never too old to love something stupid, fun and shirtless.

Merlin: The Wicked Day
Oh, it's wicked, all right.
Merlin: The Darkest Hour, Part 2
Arthur sacrifices himself for Camelot... almost.
Merlin: The Darkest Hour, Part 1
Morgana unleashes a ghost army on Camelot.

Villains: Season Three Heroes Premiere

HeroesS3E2-102.jpg

So, this week, as with last week: no podcast. (We're running in to some major scheduling errors and it's starting to suck.) To take the place of our regular phone discussions, I'm posting a chat transcript. I know you guys just love those. In it, Laura and I discuss some of the new shows we're watching, and the season premiere of Heroes. Enjoy.

Brenda: I had a really great line in mind about Mohinder and his syringe full of shirtlessness, and now I feel it won't be topical for another podcast.

Laura: So do a post for the blog.

Brenda: Well, that was it, basically. "I see Mohinder's found the cure for wearing a shirt," and then you guys laugh. I didn't work up a routine for after that. It might make a boring blog post.

Laura: That is funny... and appreciated. Mohinder should never wear a shirt.

Brenda: Yes, exactly. The formula for shirtlessness is just one annoying goo-eyed chick away.

Laura: So I have to be grateful for Maya because of Mohinder's shirtlessness? Cause I dont think I like that.

Brenda: I didn't need to know that she doesn't wear a bra. That was unpleasant. Other than that I can deal with her.

Laura: I just want to know if there's ever anything she doesnt find a reason to bitch about.

Brenda: Well, when he was like "Sure, I can cure you, forget what I said earlier about not curing you," she shut the fuck up. So as long as she's easy to placate I don't mind her sticking around. She's like the superhero equivalent of a golddigger. Instead of looking for jewelry she just wants vaccines. Or the promise of vaccines.

Laura: She's way too easy.

Brenda: "Sure, baby, I'll get you a cure." Superhero golddiggers like men for the size of their secret laboratories. ...and Mohinder has a LOFT.

Laura: That's doubly sexy.

Brenda: He's like the Donald Trump of mad scientists.

Laura: Unfortunately, Mohinder went all Jeff Goldblum at the end.

Brenda: Yeah, I couldn't figure out exactly what was happening there. The thing he picked out of his skin looked like an embedded fingernail, so at first I just thought Maya was kind of repressed, sexually. But I guess we need a new "Hulk" now that Ali Larter has become The Iceman or whatever. I'm pretty sure they have no idea what the fuck to do with her.

Laura: Yeah. Oh, you know what I liked most about Heroes? It was that Adrian Pasdar is clearly having more fun than anyone ever.

Brenda: I like, and by like I mean "mock," that the producers had to poll the fans to figure out they were missing a Flash hero. Isn't "guy with superspeed" like the third thing you do when you're creating superheros?

Laura: I dont know. Marvel's speedsters have never been that popular, so I think it really depends.

Brenda: And I guess having characters with kids is too much for them. Niki's kid is gone, they never mention Nathan's wife and kids, and Parkman's wife left him off-screen last season. They even got rid of Molly. Unless you have adult children, Heroes is no place for child actors.

Laura: Marriage and kids just age a character. Nobody can relate to them. [/Joe Quesada] OK, next week's Smallville has Ollie on a deserted Island. That I will watch.

Brenda: I guess I'll have to watch it, too.

Laura: He wasn't shirtless in the preview, but I think its a given that he will be.

Brenda: We can only hope. He seems to like taking his shirt off. I am a sucker for pretty boys with no shirts. Though, if Alexander Skarsgard is as terrible in True Blood as everyone else, I'm gonna have to stop watching it. When the show can make veteran HBO actors look like they just showed up from summer stock, someone should be fired from the production staff.

Laura: Sometimes, talented actors have trouble with the kind of acting required for quality badness. Case in point, Liam Neeson in Phantom Menace.

Brenda: I admittedly haven't read the Southern Vampires books, but if the line "Vampires stay alive by magic!" is in there, I don't want to read `em.

Laura: Vampires dont stay alive by magic. They stay alive by being vampires. No further explanantion needed.

Brenda: The guy who plays the vampire love interest could possibly be interesting, but he's terrible when in scenes with Anna Paquin. Everyone is terrible in scenes with Anna Paquin. And the show is way too slowly paced. They seem to think ending every episode with a mini cliffhanger is going to make up for 58 minutes of boring shit.

Laura: Yeah, this is pretty much what I expected, which is why I had no desire to watch.

Brenda: I thought it'd be campy, or funny, or at least Smallville entertainingly bad. It's just boring. I'm reading the wiki entry for Sookie Stackhouse and it's all kinds of dumb. According to this, she doesn't even end up with the vampire dude. She dates a couple of werewolves. Is that even possible outside of Discworld?

Laura: Willow dated a werewolf, and that was pretty awesome. But then she dated a witch and that was awesome also. Now she dates a slayer and it is not awesome.

Brenda: Yes, but doesn't Buffy have a certain amount of humor and camp? That's why werewolf dating works for me with Discworld... it's funny. True Blood takes itself too seriously, which should work for that "stupidly bad but good" category but doesn't.

Laura: Well, I like it if it's good, but I dont think being serious and pretty much just being romance novels with fantasy elements really works.

Brenda: Maybe the books are better. The wiki says the author blends humor and fantasy. Perhaps Alan Ball is devoid of a real sense of humor. There was like, one joke in True Blood but it was delivered by Anna Paquin so it wasn't very funny. I don't want to be mean to the girl but she is just seven shades of awful.

Laura: I dont think critiquing acting counts as being mean. Being mean is saying bad stuff about their personal lives or whatever.

Brenda: It's just that I can't decide if her performance is necessarily a failure of her own or not. Could be entirely bad writing, which is why I feel bad calling her awful. I mean, because everyone else is awful, too, even in scenes she's not in. But is it too early to tell if the character is a result of bad writing? I'm inclined to believe, at this point, that it's a result of bad acting choices, since all the other characters are so consistent. And by consistent I mean one dimensional. But again, that's bad writing, too. It's so hard to pick just one flaw. But at this rate, I don't see it getting renewed.

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Comments (2)

The Southern Vampire books ARE better...if anything they move faster be the sheer fact that I can read faster than it takes Paquin to spit out her lines...and they are funnier. And i pray that Skarsgard takes off his shirt ASAP. If it's any consolation, in the books Erik gets uber-nekkid...so I hope and pray they get there quick.

And I don't think I can express how much I hate the hair of the speedster girl on heroes.

Oh and FYI, HBO as already renewed True Blood for a second season and casting of a few new characters has happened...