We like dinosaur violence.

Merlin: The Wicked Day
Oh, it's wicked, all right.
Merlin: The Darkest Hour, Part 2
Arthur sacrifices himself for Camelot... almost.
Merlin: The Darkest Hour, Part 1
Morgana unleashes a ghost army on Camelot.

T:SCC Automatic for the People

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Apologies for my lateness with this. For the last week, I have been without electricity at my home, due to wind. WIND. Not tornadoes, earthquakes, volcanic eruptions or killer robots.... wind. And, contrary to what I see on tv and in Die Hard movies, when 85% of power is lost to a city of over a million people, there is not rioting in the streets. When two thirds of the traffic lights are out for over two days, people do not slam into one another going 40 miles an hour creating a 300 car pileup, the only way out of which is to crash your car into a helicopter. What I'm saying is: I have hope for Judgment Day. I'm guessing people will be more annoyed that they've lost service to their Blackberries than they will be about the death and destruction.

Anyway, previously, on The Sarah Connor Chronicles, we tossed aside Sarkissian as a villain and decided to go with shapeshifting lead singers of popular nineties rock bands.

EXT. NIGHT - NON-DESCRIPT ALLEY
Ball of lightning as a dude TIME TRAVELS TO THE PRESENT. In a blink-or-you'll-miss-it moment, the dude gets SHOT THROUGH THE HEART just as he finishes transporting. He RUNS AWAY and STEALS SOME PANTS from a homeless dude. Ladies and Gentlemen, it's Dude Ex Machina. (Played by Scut Farkus, all growds up.)

INT. DAY - MEXICAN CHURCH

Sarah is WATCHING JOHN SLEEP. I hate it when she does that. Derek walks in.

LENA HEADEY
I couldn't sleep because I was worried our pet robot would go crazy and kill us in our sleep.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
Well, yeah, robots will do that to a person.

John wakes up and goes to talk to Cameron.

SUMMER GLAU
Listen, don't try and fix me anymore if I go psycho.

THOMAS DEKKER
I'll do whatever I want!

SUMMER GLAU
Yeah, well, you don't have to deal with your mom and uncle giving you the wooly eye all the time, jerk.

LENA HEADEY
John, go to school! You're going to be the only savior of mankind who never qualified for his G.E.D.

THOMAS DEKKER
Is Cameron going back to school, too?

LENA HEADEY
Are you kidding? Her face is stapled together. Get out of here.

INT. - HIGHSCHOOL HALLWAY
John is HAVING A MOMENT while looking at all the happy teenagers in his highschool. He decides to CUT CLASSES.

EXT. - HIGHSCHOOL COURTYARD
John is skipping class by sitting outside of his school. LAME. A different blond than the other blond from last season approaches him.

NEW GIRL
You're just sitting here outside of the building? You can't even play hooky right.

THOMAS DEKKER
Uh, who are you?

LEVEN RAMBIN
My name is Riley. I used to be on that canceled Jesus show. You know, the one where Garret Dillahunt played Jesus? Let's skip school some more.

INT. REALLY NICE RENTAL HOUSE

BUSY PHILIPPS
So, I'm so pregnant it looks like I swallowed another pregnant chick. And that's why I'm no longer on E.R.

LENA HEADEY
There are people that still watch E.R.?

BUSY PHILIPPS
Yes! Shut up! Hey, come to think of it, Garret Dillahunt also played a recurring character on E.R. And he's not even in this episode. I smell a conspiracy. Anyway, what the hell happened to your head?

LENA HEADEY
I'm going to use the excuse "car accident" to explain everyone's injuries, and it's not entirely untrue. Anyway, how far along are you?

BUSY PHILIPPS
Well, I'm going to tell you seven months but that's a damned lie because I'm about to give birth all over the floor here. In fact, I have my baby before this episode even airs, which means it must have been filmed in July. Does your tacit daughter want to feel my extremely pregnant belly?

Cameron PUTS HER HAND on BUSY PHILIPPS' STOMACH, and doesn't seem to have any sort of opinion or reaction to it.

LENA HEADEY
We'll move in today. And we'll keep all the furnishings. Don't ask any questions, it'll be bad for the baby.

INT. DEAN WINTERS' HOUSE
RICHARD T. JONES knocks on the door and DEAN'S WIFE answers. She's found a GUN in the house and is FREAKED OUT. Then DEAN COMES HOME.

DEAN WINTERS
What's going on? Gun party? Am I invited?

RICHARD T. JONES
I got to tell you something off-screen, man. And it's something you probably should have figured out on your own: The killer robot is still loose and knows where you live already so GET THE FUCK OUT OF TOWN, MORON.

INT. NEW CONNOR HIDEOUT
Sarah is just sitting down to relax and light some scented candles or something when DUDE EX MACHINA comes CRASHING THROUGH THE SIDE DOOR.

LENA HEADEY
I've been here ten minutes and already people are tearing up the place!

Derek and Sarah quickly assess that Dude is an injured Resistance Fighter.

DUDE EX MACHINA
Get to the power plant! Stop Greenway! Choke choke choke!

Dude dies.

CUT TO:

Sarah is bandaging up the HUGE GASH on her arm that she received while DUDE EX MACHINA was THRASHING AROUND / DYING.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
So, we're going to a power plant?

LENA HEADEY
No. *I'm* going to the power plant, you can't be trusted not to blow stuff up.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
Maybe sometimes some things are SUPPOSED to blow up!

LENA HEADEY
Not today. You can only tag along if you leave your bombs at home.

EXT. NUCLEAR POWER PLANT - THE FUTURE
Two guys, neither of whom look like Derek, blows something up outside the building.

EXT. NUCLEAR POWER PLANT - THE PRESENT

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
This place looks different when it's not an apocalyptic future.

LENA HEADEY
Time for me to explain stuff instead of grow as a character -- the Resistance controls this place in the future. So it's important we don't let it blow up now or anything.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
(Grumbles)

Sarah and Cameron somehow get jobs at the NUCLEAR POWER PLANT. They think that this GREENWAY person will give them VITAL INFORMATION because they're POSING AS JANITORS. For some reason, DEBRA WILSON has decided to leave MADtv and take on the job as Sarah and Cameron's janitorial boss.

DEBRA WILSON
I can do these lines as Oprah, if you want.

SUMMER GLAU & LENA HEADEY
We were in a car accident. That is why we have head wounds.

DEBRA WILSON
Yeah, okay. So, whatever you do, don't get exposed to radiation or anything. You have to take one of those unpleasant hazmat showers and no one lets you do your Whitney Houston impersonation.

INT. DEAN WINTERS' HOUSE

DEAN'S WIFE, MICHELLE
Sarah Connor is still alive and I'm the last to know?

DEAN WINTERS
I don't love her, baby! I swear!

MICHELLE
(slapping him)
There are killer robots from the future that know where we live and you think I'm worried about your old girlfriends?

Michelle STOMPS OUT OF THE HOUSE.

RICHARD T. JONES
So, like I was saying: Get the fuck out of town, dumbass.

EXT. TACO CART

RILEY / LEVEN RAMBIN
I got kicked out of Catholic school for getting a tattoo! I'm perky, hip, and full of quirky sayings! The writers saw Juno during the hiatus, like, ten million times.

THOMAS DEKKER
Come over to see our new house!

RILEY / LEVEN RAMBIN
Wow, I barely even know you and I can tell this is gonna piss off your mom. Let's go!

INT. CONTROL ROOM OF NUCLEAR POWER PLANT

GREENWAY
Anybody here watch the Sopranos? Yes? No? Doubt there's much crossover audience here.

LENA HEADEY
Wow, I bet you're smart and stuff. I'm a janitor today. Lights confuse me!

GREENWAY
Really? A janitor, you say.

LENA HEADEY
Oh yeah, sure... hey! Tell me about the reactor!

GREENWAY
We're doing a big important upgrade test tomorrow so if you're planning a coup or anything, better set your timetables now.

GREENWAY'S BOSS appears and takes him aside to yell at him. Sarah follows without ANY SORT OF SLYNESS AT ALL and ALMOST GETS CAUGHT. Also, she notices her I.D. badge doesn't seem to open all the doors in the power plant.

INT. NEW CONNOR HIDEOUT
John somehow gets in to a house he's never been to before, without getting HOUSE KEYS or anything. Riley is tagging along.

THOMAS DEKKER
Wow, this is a LOT nicer than our last hideout. I wonder how we afford it when we have no money.

INT. SEEDY BAR
GREENWAY is SITTING AT THE BAR, and Sarah decides to GET COZY with him.

LENA HEADEY
I used to be a waitress once! Lemme remind you, because it's the only thing I cling to as far as character development. I used to be a waitress once.

GREENWAY
I'm actually kind of a nice guy. Also, I just got through with cancer treatments. Let me tell you, cancer survivors have the best sense of warped humor.

Sarah gets FREAKED OUT by the CANCER JOKES while Cameron decides to hustle pool with some of the other Power Plant employees. As one would expect, SHE WINS. Important tip: Never play pool with a cyborg. Cameron makes a note of the employee's key card I.D. while she's hustlin'.

GREENWAY
Even though I'm kind of likeable right away, no one at the power plant likes me, so you're going to have a long list of enemies to vet. Let's start with my boss, who's across the bar giving us the staredown right now.

EXT. BAR PARKING LOT
As Derek is breaking into GREENWAY'S CAR, someone drives up and SMASHES IN the back window.

INT. SEEDY BAR

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
So, someone just smashed this dude's windows in, what the hell?

LENA HEADEY
Yeah, he's not well liked. He doesn't think the new hardware is ready to go online. If he stops the test tomorrow, everyone might be out of a job. If he doesn't stop the test and the plant melts down, everyone's out of a job. Also: dead.

SUMMER GLAU
One of the computer components in the reactor might have a problem. I'm a cybernetic organism from the future and could probably try and fix the problem so it doesn't melt the nuclear reactor during the test, but forget I mentioned that because that would mean we'd solve all our problems in the second act here.

INT. NEW CONNOR HIDEOUT

Sarah, Derek, and Cameron come home and find John hanging out with his new girlfriend. It goes over about as well as you'd think.

LENA HEADEY
You know what we don't need right now? More of your "poor me, I'm the lonliest savior of the world" routine.

THOMAS DEKKER
Boo hoo! You're the one who told me to go to school and act normal. This is totally normal, not acting out in any way!

John takes Riley UPSTAIRS TO HIS ROOM while Cameron sits at the kitchen table and DRAWS AN ID BADGE BAR CODE FROM MEMORY.

INT. JOHN CONNOR'S BEDROOM

RILEY / LEVEN RAMBIN
Dude, I can't wait to get out of my parent's house. I mean, I don't know why, exactly, as I can apparently sleep over at a strange boy's house during a school night, but anyway: the future! Freedom!

THOMAS DEKKER
How uncomfortably ironic this conversation is.

INT. NUCLEAR POWER PLANT (NEXT DAY)
Sarah follows the MEAN BOSS GUY into a RESTRICTED AREA (presumably with the badge that Cameron drew last night) and GETS CAUGHT due to aforementioned LACK OF SLYNESS.

BOSS MAN
Hey, guess what, I'm on to you.

LENA HEADEY
Who, me? I'm just a janitor. Are there toilets you need me to clean?

BOSS MAN
No, get in the toxic waste room and dust or something. I'm suddenly really really mean for no real reason.

Sarah FREAKS OUT while in the toxic waste room. Someone puts a Geiger counter on her as she's taking off her hazmat suit. MEAN BOSS MAN says she needs to take a HAZMAT BATH. Then, after the commercial break, we learn she DIDN'T have to really take a decontamination shower after all -- MEAN BOSS MAN is just MEAN.

BOSS MAN
Ha ha! I'm a dick.

INT. JOHN CONNOR'S ROOM (NEXT DAY)

RILEY / LEVEN RAMBIN
I built you a robot out of Legos. You want I should call you later on my hamburger phone?

THOMAS DEKKER
You can only call me if you use a secret code that is really just the date. It's secret, though, and no one will ever figure it out. But don't get suspicious that I may be a time traveling robot killer.

EXT. DEAN WINTERS' HOUSE

RICHARD T. JONES
Sorry you gotta move out of your house and everything, but here's a Bible for you. Free gratis.

DEAN WINTERS
Does this mean I'm leaving the show?

RICHARD T. JONES
We'll see!

INT. CONTROL ROOM, NUCLEAR POWER PLANT

GREENWAY is acting VERY ROBOTIC, and Sarah notices he NO LONGER HAS CANCER OPERATION SCARS. Across town, Derek is at GREENWAY'S HOUSE, and finds him DEAD.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
Gah! Foiled again by ROBOTS!

ROBOT GREENWAY leaves the control room and goes down to the RESTRICTED AREA, opening some sort of STEAM PIPE to BLOW THE WHOLE POWER PLANT TO HELL. Sarah goes and finds Cameron, who is MOPPING.

LENA HEADEY
Hey. Hey! Greenway's a robot, go fight him or something.

Cameron IGNORES HER and keeps MOPPING.

LENA HEADEY
Hey! Robot! Hellooooo?

SUMMER GLAU
I'm busy mopping.

LENA HEADEY
What in the hell is the point of this scene? To show that you really like mopping? This is quickly becoming a really terrible episode.

Cameron goes to find GREENWAY and KILL HIM OR MAYBE JUST MOP HIM UP. Meanwhile, GREENWAY has KILLED everyone in the control room and also KNOCKS MEAN BOSS MAN unconscious.

Everyone is EVACUATING the power plant as Derek drives up. He and Sarah run to the control room -- where ROBOT GREENWAY NO LONGER IS because HE JUST SAW CAMERON on the SECURITY MONITOR. Sarah and Derek try to figure out how to SHUT DOWN THE REACTOR. On the security monitor, Sarah sees ROBOT GREENWAY beating the snot out of Cameron.

At this point one would assume that ROBOT GREENWAY is really SHIRLEY MANSON, because she's the shapeshifter, right? Don't assume that for too long, you'll make an ass out of yourself and the writers.

Sarah BEATS UP A SECURITY GUARD and takes his MACHINE GUN because SECURITY GUARDS AT NUCLEAR POWER PLANTS USE MACHINE GUNS. She RUNS THROUGH THE TOXIC WASTE ROOM WITHOUT A HAZMAT SUIT because SHE'S HASTY. As Sarah SHOOTS AT ROBOT GREENWAY, Cameron gets up and THROWS HIM INTO A COUPLE OF BARRELS with ELECTRICAL DOODADS at the top that I GUESS WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE ARE A SET OF TRANSFORMERS. Great job to the set designers this week.

Cameron walks towards Sarah like she's gonna KILL HER, and the SOUNDTRACK goes wild with ROBOT GONNA KILL YOU notes. But she doesn't kill Sarah, she just fixes the broken steam pipe thing and saves the power plant from melting down.

Hey, remember when you thought that, because the ROBOT GREENWAY was able to imitate the REAL GREENWAY, that the ROBOT GREENWAY was SHIRLEY MANSON or another T-1000? Nope. Regular Terminator. Yeah, figure that one out. Cameron takes him apart and puts him in a nuclear waste barrel.

EXT. NIGHT - NEW CONNOR HIDEOUT

Cameron is checking Sarah with a Geiger counter that I guess they lifted from the power plant. Sarah doesn't appear to have any sort of radiation problems.

LENA HEADEY
Maybe I get cancer from running through a toxic waste dump in my janitor's uniform!

SUMMER GLAU
Yeah, maybe you should have thought of that beforehand.

LENA HEADEY
Waiting to get cancer is like waiting for you to freak out and kill my son. Exactly the same situation.

Cameron GOES INSIDE TO THE KITCHEN.

THOMAS DEKKER
Stay away from my new girlfriend! Also, don't tell me I can't be trusted. I don't have to be anything anyone wants me to be, especially right after the expect me to be it. Angst!

Riley calls John and uses the secret code. All is well and the Moldy Peaches begins to play on the soundtrack. No, seriously, it doesn't. But downstairs in the garage / cellar area, Sarah SEES A BLOODY HANDPRINT. She finds a bunch of INSTRUCTIONS ABOUT WHO TO KILL NEXT written in blood on the cellar walls. Then she takes a shower.

(Thank you, Dude Ex Machina? Why in the hell were you in the basement using your own blood as a dry erase marker? Maybe if you'd used your superior window-breaking skills to get in to the house earlier you could have FOUND A PENCIL.)

EXT. POWER PLANT
There's a PRESS CONFERENCE going on.

OFFICIAL GUY
I've got new awesome machines to run the control rooms of nuclear power plants and I've installed them in a bunch of power plants already. No one has to worry about humans anymore, heh heh heh. Uh... Did I say "heh heh heh" out loud? I mean... "hooray, humans!"

OFFICIAL GUY goes out to the parking lot and shapeshifts into SHIRLEY MANSON. And here you thought she was gonna be the other robot, when it would have made the most sense.

FADE OUT.

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