I really wish we weren't so awesome, it ruins day-to-day living for everything else.

Merlin: The Wicked Day
Oh, it's wicked, all right.
Merlin: The Darkest Hour, Part 2
Arthur sacrifices himself for Camelot... almost.
Merlin: The Darkest Hour, Part 1
Morgana unleashes a ghost army on Camelot.

BSG Episode 55: Six of One

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Previously, there was a lot of yelling and head clutching. Kara Thrace showed up, and she wasn't dead. She's been to Earth and wants to take the fleet that way, but Roslin and Adama won't allow it. So she freaks out and puts a gun in Roslin's face.

Tigh and Helo are leading a bunch of marines to Adama's quarters to take control of the situation. When Adama hears the news, he ditches the CIC and leaves Gaeta in charge. This whole scene takes about five minutes to unfold, and most of the time Adama, Tigh, and the marines are running through corridors to get to Adama's quarters, so if you're wondering just how big Galactica is, this might be some indication. Let's hope the bathrooms are strategically placed throughout the ship so no one has to walk for fifteen minutes in order to pee.

Now that Roslin is Starbuck's captive (heh) audience, Kara wants to tell Laura all about how much she hates her. After sending Starbuck back to Caprica for the little arrow mission -- which, if you'll remember, resulted in Starbuck losing an ovary -- Starbuck sort of feels like Roslin owes her one. At least as far as trusting "visions" goes.

So, Starbuck hands her gun to Roslin and asks Roslin to shoot her, if she thinks she's a Cylon. Then Kara has a little speech that I'm not entirely sure I follow: "I've put my life on the line for this frakkin' ship. I have ate, slept and fought next to the people that I love. I have pissed off my friends. I have broken more rules than I've followed. I frakked up, okay? I messed up. But it's all that I have. Those people are my family. And none of us belong here."

I understand the passion here with thinking they're all headed towards doom and Starbuck feeling like she's the only one who can bring them salvation, and maybe that threatens Roslin's own person prophet identity, but none of that really comes out in this conversation. Anyway, Starbuck once again implores Roslin to shoot her. So she does.

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But she misses, of course, being Roslin. Somehow the marines get into the locked cabin and pin Starbuck down. Adama walks in while Starbuck begins to gnash and rant some more about her Earthdar. The way is getting weaker! Don't you get it! GODS!

Everyone stares at her like the raving lunatic she is. I want to feel for her, I do, but she refuses to calm down and try to reason with people. It scares the crap out of me. She screams at Roslin to "WORK ON YOUR AIM!" while being dragged away to the brig.

Opening Credits, then: Basestar. The hybrid is doing her thing with the usual stew of what sound like commands to run the ship, excerpts of poems, and religious prophecies. While a Six (I don't think it's Caprica Six, her hair is not platinum. I thought it might be the reincarnated Gina Six, but BSG Wiki says it's a new copy of Six called "Natalie") and a Number Eight (Boomer models) stare on in horrified silence, a Cavil is watching a naked Number Eight do some tai chi.

Then it dissolves to a pretty angry meeting between Natalie and Cavil. A Boomer copy and a Leoben copy (who are the Number Twos) are also in attendance. The Number Eight insists that the Final Five must be somewhere in the Colonial Fleet. Otherwise, why would the Raiders break off their attack. Cavil doesn't want to openly discuss the Final Five, and he REALLY doesn't want the Raiders to become smart and start making their own decisions, so he moves to lobotomize the Raiders and change their programming.

The Sixes, Eights, and Twos are understandably against treating their robot friends like dumb machines. Cavil insists the Fours and Fives (the Aaron Doral and Simon models) will take his side, and that they all need to stop talking about the Final Five, because there's no way the Final Five are hiding with the humans. Ha ha! Oh, Cavil. I hope you get yours. You boxed my Number Threes, you bastards.

Back on Galactica, there's another Secret Cylon meeting. You'd think they'd knock this shit off lest someone wonders why the four of them are suddenly best friends, but I guess that's for later episodes. What's a plot device without an obvious retarded motivation? They're wondering if Starbuck is a Cylon, too, but Tigh seems to think that her "We're Going the Wrong Way" tantrum indicates she's just good ol' crazy Starbuck, not a robot.

Tory thinks that because Starbuck didn't indicate she heard All Along The Watchtower and didn't seek them out like the rest of them sought each other out (really, how could she, she was blowds up at the time, but I don't think critical thinking is Tory's strong suit), then Starbuck isn't a Cylon and they should move on to finding out who the last one is. Tyrol suggests they pimp Baltar for information about the Final Five -- which actually means pimping out Tory. She's grossed out about it, but agrees to try and woo him for info.

In the brig, Adama wants to know what the frak is wrong with Starbuck. Assaulting Roslin was apparently the one good way to insure Kara never gets anything she wants. Starbuck responds by calling Adama "the President's wetnurse." So he throws her to the ground and strangles her. She finds this all very funny until he leaves, and then the "WE'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY!" that we've all seen a million times in the promo, happens. Maybe it's because I've seen it a bunch of times already but for some reason it's less powerful in context. Hmm.

On the Basestar, the models have all taken a vote. I guess it's nice that they can instantly have these impromptu caucuses with their (off-screen) models. The one advantage to being a robot society, I guess. Anyway, as predicted, the Ones, Fours, and Fives want to reconfigure the Raiders. The Twos, Sixes, and Eights are voting against. It's a deadlock. Good job with boxing the Threes, Cavil. You lost your chance at a swing vote.

And then, dun da dun, there is one Number Eight, the Original Boomer, who is voting against the other Number Eights. She wants to lobotomize the Raiders because "we have to defend ourselves." Natalie Six is FURIOUS that someone would go against their own model. She sees it as a sign of terrible things to come -- if the models can't hang together, what are they going to do for Poker Night?

Cavil insists the reconfiguration will go ahead so the Raiders stop gossiping about the Final Five and go back to blowing up humans. Natalie grits her teeth and says that she'll pray real hard for Cavil. It's the kind of "I'll pray for you" that really means "I wish I could stab you in the face and pour acid in your wounds."

Back on Galactica, in the Pilot's Rec Room, Apollo is wearing an awful sweater and is getting a send off. Witness the V Neck:

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There is much drinking of moonshine and ambrosia. For each shot he does, he makes a toast to different things -- the Galactica, the crew, the dead crew, blah blah blah. I am loathe to recap this whole scene (and another following) because it's all about how wonderful everyone thinks Apollo is and I think he's a whiny fucking brat. Even with Kat dead and Starbuck in the brig I'm sure they can find at least half a dozen other capable CAGs to take his place. Ones that won't question every move their daddy makes and pout and pull a gun on whomever he thinks is wronging him this week. But anyway, woo, drinking, Apollo is leaving.

There is a pan away to a photo of Starbuck, which dissolves to Adama's model ship. He's apparently glued it all back together after smashing it when Starbuck died. And now he's removing the Aurora figurehead from it, because Starbuck has gone bananas, and doesn't deserve to be represented in miniature. Or maybe he just wants to keep it in his pocket all the time, who knows.

In the civilian mess hall, Tory makes shifty eyes at Baltar, which draws his attention. Someone gives him an apple. Where the frak are they getting fresh fruit? Weren't they all eating pond scum to survive just a few episodes ago? Baltar takes the apple and then sits down to talk to Tory. (And, my Gods, he is wearing this horrible scarf around his neck that's tied like an ascot, what is with the wardrobe on this week's episode? Did everyone dress themselves?)

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I don't quite know the significance of the apple, because it doesn't get eaten and it just sort of disappears by the end of this scene. But the greatest thing happens during Baltar's conversation with Tory: An imaginary Baltar appears to Baltar. Instead of a Six, he gets himself. (Personally, I'm hoping that this is Caprica Six's Imaginary version of Baltar, somehow projecting itself from the brig all the way down the hall to Baltar.) He is so stunned by this turn of events that he actually says out loud to Tory "I'm not talking to you" while he's talking to his Imaginary Self. It's sublime, there really is no proper way to recap it without assuming you already know what the hell is going on.

Anyway, at first Baltar is suspicious that Tory is spying for Roslin. She denies it, saying that the miracle with little sick Derrick, along with a host of other happenings, all have Baltar at the center and that intrigues her. Baltar goes off on a tangent about music. Has everyone been taking crazy pills today? Perhaps the scarf is choking him stupid. His response has nothing to do with anything, and Tory leaves.

Then Baltar confronts his Imaginary Baltar right out in the open. Imaginary Baltar is dressed much better than Regular Baltar, by the way. Apparently Fantasy Brooks Brothers is much better than the tailors they have in the Baltar Fangirl Slutarium. (TM Adele.) Imaginary Baltar wants Baltar to hook up with Tory. Baltar agrees with Imaginary Baltar (this sounds like gibberish!) that Tory is attractive and "fragile."

Adama's quarters. It's unclear whether this is the next day or not, though Adama is still drinking and makes a "hair of the dog" excuse for it, which implies he might be hungover from Lee's party the night before. Roslin and Adama are wondering what they should do with Starbuck. They don't want to put her on trial, seeing how the last one turned out, but they don't want to put all their eggs in one basket and follow Starbuck's "feelings" to Earth. Laura gets deep inside Adama's head, speculating that he still believes in Kara because he's afraid of losing her again, like he's losing Lee and Roslin.

They also discuss Laura's cancer. She doesn't seem optimistic that another miracle cure will save her. Adama doesn't want to lose hope. It would also seem her previously deep-seeded belief that she's the spiritual leader of this fleet is waning. Adama speculates that she's afraid of her death being insignificant as compared to everyone else. After he leaves, she twirls her hair, and some of it falls out. She cries. Maybe it's because I just watched that episode again recently but that moment seems to mirror Kat's moment alone in the locker room when she's just about to kill herself via overexposure to radiation.

Lee goes to visit Starbuck in the brig. As usual, it's all about him. Zarek has nominated him for the "empty Quorum" spot. I guess that's the vague "government" job he referred to in the last episode. It's his destiny, blah blah blah. At least he's not wearing the awful shirt he was wearing in the previous scene. Now he's in a suit, open collar, no tie. This and other wardrobe observations brought to you by the Apollo Bores The Shit Out Of Me Society. As Lee turns to leave, Starbuck calls his name, and they make out for a while, and he says "I believe you" as they embrace. Please let this be the end of the Starbuck/Apollo thing for a while. I was over it three seasons ago. Blech.

And now, because apparently naming the episode "Six of One" (as in, "half a dozen of the other") and then actually talking about the Cylon deadlock vote thing would be WAY TOO INTERESTING, we instead have more gratuitous "Apollo is leaving Galactica!" scenes to get through. He stands alone in the Pilot Ready Room, reflecting on his time as CAG. Then Athena leads him to the hangar deck, where everyone has gathered to salute him and send him off.

People, it's not like he's flying in to the sun. He's going to hang out with Tom Zarek for a while. He'll be right there in the fleet with the other forty thousand or so people you can't escape because you're all trapped together. Despite my objections, the Braveheart pan flute soundtrack soars, and Dee hands him a little plaque of some sort. Apparently they are really splitting up, because it doesn't look like she has any intention of following him to wherever the hell he's going. GOOD. GOOD MOVE, DUALLA.

Finally, FINALLY, we get back to the Basestar. The Raiders are being operated on. Natalie Six once again insists Cavil stop this reconfiguration thing, and Cavil says "you rankle my ass." Which makes me love him a little bit more despite lobotomizing the Raiders, whom I kind of find cool. When Cavil refuses to stop operating on the Raiders, Natalie brings in a couple of Centurions.

Commercial break, and then there is a panning shot of the fleet. The Space Park is being repaired, huzzah. Cut to Tory and Baltar humping. She starts crying, so he stops and asks her what's wrong. She says it's just something she does during sex. He seems very concerned and assures her that her abundance of feeling seems to mean she's certainly not a Cylon, though Cylons do have feelings, too. Right then if I were Tory a little bell would go off in my head -- the "Clearly Baltar Is Not A Valid Source of Data!" alarm -- and I'd be getting out of there. But instead, she continues to have sex with him.

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Back on the Basestar, Cavil orders the Centurions to leave, but they don't. Apparently the Twos, Sixes, and Eights have removed the inhibitor chip (it looks like a USB flash drive) that prevents the Centurions from being sentient. Yes! What I've been hoping for for some time! The Centurions now have free will! And after hearing about what Cavil is doing with the Raiders, the Centurions are pretty pissed off. So they shoot down Cavil, and the Numbers Four and Five that are accompanying him.

Man, those guys are going to be so annoyed when they resurrect. If they resurrect. If I were Natalie (I'm making this recap all about me today), I'd throw whatever switch that turns off the Resurrection Ship before I went in to kill Cavil. Reboot!

The fleet jumps to the next set of coordinates, and Starbuck cries on the floor of the brig. A little while later, Helo and a few marines escort her to the hangar deck. Adama is giving her a small crew and a spaceship -- the Demetrius, a sewage treatment ship -- to go on a fake mission to look for food. But really, she'll be looking for Earth. Why didn't he think of this like two days ago. As soon as she showed back up to the Fleet the first time I would've put her on a Raptor with a bunch of other Red Shirts I don't like and see what happens.

Goodbye, Helo and Starbuck! Have fun on the Shit Ship!

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Comments (1)

Eibmoz:

Ok, I must defend the Baltar scarf, he is probably covering his neck wounds.Or, the makeup guy was tired. It does look stupid, but I like that he is getting so loony. The music conversation makes Tory think he is the fifth cylon, which is also what my husband thinks. clues abound. And still, I have no idea about any of it. Apollos sweater was awful, but if he had a big gold 70s medallion, it would have been perfect. or maybe some chest hair. I dunno