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Merlin: The Wicked Day
Oh, it's wicked, all right.
Merlin: The Darkest Hour, Part 2
Arthur sacrifices himself for Camelot... almost.
Merlin: The Darkest Hour, Part 1
Morgana unleashes a ghost army on Camelot.

T:SCC What He Beheld (Part Two)

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FADE IN:

EXT. SUBURBAN NEIGHBORHOOD

CG: April 21, 2011 - JUDGEMENT DAY

Two young boys are PLAYING CATCH in their front yard.

LENA HEADEY (V.O.)
When John was younger and unconscious he was much cuter because he wasn't all angsty about the future. I miss those days.

The youngest boy is KYLE REESE, age whatever. He SUCKS AT BASEBALL.

YOUNG KYLE REESE
Meh! I suck at baseball!

YOUNG DEREK REESE
Here, let me encourage you, so as soon as you hit the ball for the first time in 10,000 pitches, the world will explode in the flash of a nuclear bomb.

YOUNG KYLE hits the ball. A BUNCH OF NUCLEAR BOMBS GO OFF.

WHITE FLASH TO:

INT. VIDEO GAME CAFE, 2007-ish (THE PRESENT)

LENA HEADEY and SUMMER GLAU are looking for SARKISSIAN.

SUMMER GLAU
I know how to speak Armenian!

LENA HEADEY
Shut up.

DR. VENTURE (James Urbaniak) appears in front of them and says they totally have to pay a cover charge to get into the gamer cafe.

EXT. VIDEO GAME CAFE

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
Why do I have to sit in the car? I'm a boy!

THOMAS DEKKER
My mom could totally kick your ass so you should be happy she let you out of the house at all. By the way, if you don't know about Moore's Law, let me tell you. Robots are scary.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
You're damn right. Also, Judgement Day sucked.

THOMAS DEKKER
Tell me what your brother was like... uh, because I totally am just being polite. He's not my dad, or anything.


INT. GAMER CAFE

LENA is sitting at a laptop and gets a text message from SARKISSIAN. He wants $500,000 to sell them the SCARY CHESS PLAYING COMPUTER. This is ANNOYING, as they do not have HALF A MILLION DOLLARS. They LEAVE.

INT. DEAN WINTER'S HOUSE

RICHARD T. JONES
Hey! So, I wasn't around in the last episode. But here I am. I see you're Catholic.

DEAN WINTERS
Not really, but my wife collects giant crucifixes.

RICHARD T. JONES
Do you know about the Rapture? Oh man, it's awesome. Let me quote the Bible for you!

DEAN WINTERS
You, uh, wanna get to the point here?

RICHARD T. JONES
I'm kind of thinking Sarah Connor's killer robot talk might not be entirely imagineered. And I think you already know about Skynet and crap. Because Sarah's still alive!

DEAN WINTERS
Look, I'm not going to tell you anything, just like I didn't tell the other agent anything.

RICHARD T. JONES
We... didn't send another agent...

SOUNDTRACK
Poundy drums!

EXT. CARLOS THE FORGER'S HOUSE

SILENT LATINA skulks around the front of the house while SARKISSIAN enters.

INT. CARLOS THE FORGER'S HOUSE

CARLOS
Did we have an appointment?

SARKISSIAN
No, but I have a Silent Asian Henchman. Have you seen Sarah Connor around?

CARLOS
Uhm... no?

SARKISSIAN
Oh, wait, let me try this again.

SARKISSIAN takes a sword off the wall and KILLS ALL OF CARLOS'S MEN, with the help of his SILENT ASIAN THUG.

SARKISSIAN
So. Where's Sarah Connor?

INT. CONNOR HOUSE

There's a knock at the door and it's DEAN WINTERS.

LENA HEADEY
Go away!

DEAN WINTERS
No! Richard T. Jones totally wants to help you!

LENA HEADEY
Hey, great. Except did you forget the KILLER ROBOTS? They trump the FBI. Now go away.

LATER - INT. CONNOR KITCHEN

SUMMER, LENA, THOMAS, and BRIAN are sitting around the kitchen table, counting up their piles of diamonds.

SUMMER GLAU
I apparently know everything about gemology because I updated my Cut, Clarity, & Carats software to version 10 while we were in commercial break.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
Aren't these mine? They're from my safehouse.

LENA HEADEY
Shut up.

SUMMER GLAU
We have $246,000 worth of diamonds here.

LENA HEADEY
I'll have to negotiate. With my FIST.

EXT. MALL FOOD COURT

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
I love food courts. Except for in the future when they become concentration camps.

LENA HEADEY
You are such a downer.

Some GENERIC COPS walk by and LENA insists they BOOK IT without meeting up with SARKISSIAN.

INT. CONNOR HOUSE

SARKISSIAN is waiting for them at home. I guess the SWORD THING worked on CARLOS.

SARKISSIAN
Hello! Should I sell you my Chess Playing Computer? I dunno. I like fucking around with people. Instead of half a million dollars, how about two million dollars?

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN pulls a GUN on SARKISSIAN.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
How about I rearrange your face for free?

SARKISSIAN
Listen, my henchmen are following John around just to make sure you don't kill me. Also I'm going to tattle to the FBI if you don't get me two million dollars.

LENA HEADEY
Fine! Go away now, please.

SARKISSIAN
Okay, you got 24 hours to get me bags of money or I continue making vague threats.

INT. SCIENCE MUSEUM

THOMAS DEKKER is on a FIELD TRIP.

SUMMER GLAU
You are being very quiet, John Connor.

THOMAS DEKKER
My birthday is tomorrow and I bet my mom forgot! Angst! She got me a flak jacket last year.

SUMMER GLAU
Flak jackets are cool, though. Do I have a birthday?

THOMAS DEKKER
I think you have an Assembly Line Day.

SUMMER notices the ASIAN HENCHMAN stalking them, but her TEACHER prevents her from KICKING HIS HENCHMAN ASS right there in front of the T-REX DISPLAY. Until...

CUT TO:

EXT. SCIENCE MUSEUM

SUMMER is stuffing the BODY OF THE HENCHMAN into the trunk of his car. MORRIS, the little latino guy from shop class, walks up.

MORRIS
Hey! Whatcha doing?

SUMMER GLAU
I'm stuffing the dead body of an Asian Henchman into his own trunk.

MORRIS
Okay. Do you want to go to prom?

THOMAS DEKKER
Just tell him yes. We're kind of in a hurry here.

SUMMER GLAU
Yes?

SUMMER and THOMAS leave in the Henchman's car, while MORRIS does a happy dance.

INT. FBI OFFICES

RICHARD T. JONES has someone else google a name for him because he's incapable of using his own computer, I guess. He sees that the agent that visited DEAN is actually GARRET/CROMARTIE.

INT. ANOTHER PART OF THE FBI

GARRET/CROMARTIE is looking for the evidence file (probably the robot hand one) that RICHARD T. JONES already has checked out.

Then RICHARD and CROMARTIE almost pass each other in the hallway. SUSPENSE.

INT. CONNOR HOUSE - GARAGE

LENA HEADEY
You put a dead asian guy in the trunk? Gross.

SUMMER GLAU
He also did not say much to me before I killed him.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
I have more bad news! I lost the tail on Sarkissian!

A cell phone rings, and it's THE DEAD ASIAN HENCHMAN'S. SUMMER answers it and uses her TRICKY ROBOT MIMICRY to pretend like she's the henchman. SARKISSIAN apparently wants to kill them all.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
Okay, kids! Time to move!

THOMAS DEKKER
No! I don't wanna!

LENA HEADEY
I think we have to. This Sarkissian dude knows where we live and everything.

Just then there is a KNOCK ON THE GARAGE DOOR. Everyone DRAWS THEIR GUNS, but it is just the SILENT LATINA, covered in BLOOD.

EXT. VIDEO GAME CAFE - NIGHT

They all pull up in the SILENT LATINA's purple LOWRIDER. SILENT LATINA keeps the car running at the curb while the rest of them go in to BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF SARKISSIAN.

INT. VIDEO GAME CAFE

They start by BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF DR. VENTURE. Then SARKISSIAN makes a RUN FOR IT. While SUMMER is BEATING DOWN DOORS and PUNCHING HOLES IN WALLS to get to SARKISSIAN, THOMAS goes and checks SARKISSIAN'S OFFICE for the Chess Playing Computer, and finds a LITTLE GIRL.

THOMAS DEKKER
Hi, little girl! Uh, don't go anywhere, okay? Especially if it sounds like a robot is killing your dad. Just stay put.

For some reason, instead of RUNNING AWAY, SARKISSIAN loops back around the CAFE and takes THOMAS HOSTAGE. Then BRIAN shows up with the LITTLE GIRL, and after a brief pause, SHOOTS SARKISSIAN THROUGH THE FUCKING EYE.

LITTLE GIRL
Fortunately that wasn't my daddy or I'd be totally traumatized right now! My daddy is possibly Dr. Venture. I might really be a clone. Ooo-Woo-OoOooO!

THOMAS DEKKER
I couldn't find the Chess Playing Computer, so let's take Sarkissian's home office hard drive instead.


EXT. CONNOR HOUSE - NIGHT

SILENT LATINA takes everyone home.

SUMMER GLAU
Should I like, kill you, or what?

SILENT LATINA
(Is silent.)

SUMMER gives a gun to the LATINA. She seems... happy about it?

INT. RICHARD T. JONES'S OFFICE

Sassy FBI Lady CATHERINE DENT is looking at the photos of GARRET/CROMARTIE as an FBI Agent.

CATHERINE DENT
Maybe this out of work actor dude is more talented than we thought!

RICHARD T. JONES
That's not the actor dude. That's a robot.

CATHERINE DENT
Sounds good to me! Let's go kick some ass.

INT. CONNOR HOUSE - JOHN'S ROOM, NEXT DAY

THOMAS DEKKER is hacking SARKISSIAN's hard drive, and it's taking a long time.

THOMAS DEKKER
Hacking is hard!

LENA HEADEY
Yeah, okay. I'm gonna go watch tv or something while you do the tedious stuff.

LENA leaves and BRIAN enters.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
It's totally your birthday! Let's blow up city hall! Or, get an ice cream cone.

THOMAS DEKKER
Fun!

EXT. CITY PARK - DAY

BRIAN and THOMAS are having ice cream.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
Your mom's a total bitch. But with a heart of gold!

THOMAS DEKKER
I thought we were gonna talk about how I'm awesome because it's my birthday?

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
Let's talk about the weather, instead! Because in the future, there is no weather. Only killer robots.

YOUNG DEREK and YOUNG KYLE are playing catch in the park. The ball rolls away towards THOMAS and he PICKS IT UP and hands it to YOUNG KYLE. Then he notices the name REESE on the back of YOUNG DEREK'S SHIRT.

THOMAS DEKKER
Did you just bring me here to show me yourself as a teenager? That's weird.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
This is your birthday present, which is kind of creepy and sweet at the same time. I know your dad is Kyle, because he liked crazy bitches like your mom.

EXT. CROMARTIE/GARRET'S APARTMENT

The FBI team with RICHARD T. JONES have MOUNTED THE FUCK UP to THE MAN COMES AROUND and I LOVE THIS SHOW FOR THE GRATUITOUS JOHNNY CASH. FUCK YEAH. OBVIOUS but ALSO COOL.

Over his ambulance scanner, DEAN WINTERS hears the call for ALL UNITS TO GO KICK CROMARTIE CYBORG ASS. He heads out to help.

The FBI team kicks down CROMARTIE'S door. FBI agents get tossed out the front door into the POOL below CROMARTIE'S BALCONY. Maybe because of budget restraints we just show FBI agents splashing in to the pool, from the point of view of the bottom of the pool, to THE MAN COMES AROUND. But where we pinch pennies we create PURE AWESOME.

FADE TO:

RICHARD T. JONES is the only man left standing, and CROMARTIE/GARRET pulls a gun on him. They look at each other, and then CROMARTIE/GARRET calmly walks away.

LENA HEADEY (V.O.)
Hey, have you read Lord of the Flies? Let me tell you all about it. It's all about the loss of innocence and how people are actually really jerks at heart. See, this FBI raid represents the Lost Boys and the killer robot represents the Pig, and something something symbolism.

DEAN WINTERS pulls up to the APARTMENT SLAUGHTER HOUSE and sees CROMARTIE/GARRET walking away. Then he runs in to the POOL AREA and sees all the dead FBI agents. RICHARD T. JONES is crouching over the body of CATHERINE DENT. So long, sassy female FBI agent. Sad frowny faces all around.

INT. CONNOR HOUSE - JOHN'S ROOM

THOMAS DEKKER has cracked SARKISSIAN's files and there are a bunch of SURVEILLANCE PHOTOS and stuff. He gives them to LENA HEADEY.

LENA HEADEY
Are these pictures of the guy that Sarkissian sold the Chess Playing Computer to?

THOMAS DEKKER
I dunno! Maybe it'll give us something to do next season!

LENA HEADEY
By the way, do you want to go to Bennigan's or Applebee's for dinner? Because I totally remembered that it's your birthday. This isn't Sixteen Candles, you know.

THOMAS DEKKER
Yay! Bennigan's! Let me just shut down my computer --

A file pops up with a photo of DR. VENTURE.

THOMAS DEKKER
Oh no! The guy we killed wasn't Sarkissian at all! It was James Urbaniak! Thank God! He'll have more lines next season! It was your classic Hire Some Vaguely Foreign Dude To Act Badass And Pretend He's The Boss When Really The Nondescript Other Guy Is The Kingpin And Has Been All Along trick!

THE MAN COMES AROUND fades back in as SUMMER GLAU gets into her car. She sees DR. VENTURE walking away from her in the rear view mirror. Then her car BLOWS UP.

FADE OUT.

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