We like dinosaur violence.

Merlin: The Wicked Day
Oh, it's wicked, all right.
Merlin: The Darkest Hour, Part 2
Arthur sacrifices himself for Camelot... almost.
Merlin: The Darkest Hour, Part 1
Morgana unleashes a ghost army on Camelot.

T:SCC The Demon Hand

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There's only one more episode left? Boo! This show is just starting to get really good!

FADE IN:

EXT. POWER PLANT

SUMMER GLAU rides up on a police motorcycle, wearing a cop's uniform, right down to the mirrored sunglasses. She breaks a turbine WITH HER FIST. Power goes out to a third of Los Angeles.

INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT

SUMMER, still in her police uniform, breaks in to Evidence Storage. She's looking for the DISMEMBERED ROBOT HAND but doesn't find it.

CUT TO: LENA HEADEY, visiting ANDY GOODE's grave.

LENA HEADEY (V.O.)
Machines don't have souls. My soul will live on through my kid, I guess. These voice overs are really getting tedious.

INT. CONNOR HOUSE

LENA is watching BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN sleep. Then she decides to WAKE HIM UP.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
Status report!

LENA HEADEY
That Russian chess playing guy, Demitri, is still missing.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
You should probably send the robot after him, then.

LENA HEADEY
Jesus, you're bossy for someone with a gaping chest wound.

INT. CONNOR HOUSE - KITCHEN

SUMMER GLAU
I couldn't get the hand because the FBI has it.

LENA HEADEY
Quick, John, you must skip school like I told you not to, in order to help me break into the FBI.

THOMAS DEKKER
Uhm, no? I'm going to school.

THOMAS goes to school. LENA makes a FROWNY FACE.

EXT. CONNOR HOUSE - SWINGSET

LENA HEADEY
(on the phone with the FBI)
Hi, I'm from the LAPD and we're totally stupid. We misplaced a hand.

FBI AGENT
We don't have a record of that. Let me ask the super agent that's hunting you down so that you can shit your pants on the other end of the line.

RICHARD T. JONES
(lying)
I totally don't have a severed hand in this box marked "EVIDENCE."

INT. RICHARD T. JONES's HOUSE

RICHARD is watching home videos of LENA when she was in the NUTHOUSE. Conveniently there are several different surveillance bits spliced together, so it jumps from LENA in her padded cell to LENA in an interview room, beating up a psychiatrist while talking about robots. It is UNCLEAR whether RICHARD is starting to believe the ROBOT TALK, even with a ROBOT HAND sitting in his FREEZER.

GROSS. In your FREEZER, dude?

INT. MENTAL HOSPITAL

A guy in a lab coat lets RICHARD T. JONES into LENA's old PADDED CELL, and he LOOKS AROUND.

RICHARD T. JONES
Where is the doctor who treated Sarah Connor? Or any of the old staff? I'd like to talk to them.

RANDOM DOCTOR
Even though if I'm remembering the events of Terminator 2 correctly, most everyone here then was killed, for some reason her room is unspoiled by the T-1000. And, everyone has quit or retired.

RICHARD T. JONES
I find that suspicious but nonetheless am going to the mountains to seek out Sarah Connor's doctor who has decided to live like a recluse. I will go alone and tell no one where I'm headed. This will be a good idea, surely.

RANDOM DOCTOR
I don't know anything about good ideas. And don't call me Shirley.

INT. RICHARD T. JONES's HOUSE

LENA has broken in and is skulking around RICHARD's living room. She finds the pile of SURVEILLANCE TAPES in front of the television, and STEALS ONE.

INT. BALLET STUDIO

SUMMER is taking ballet lessons. It's totally not because she spent upteen years as a ballerina in real life, it's entirely because the plot demands it. But just in case it's the former and not the latter, SUMMER does a bunch of PIROUETTE STUFF.

RUSSIAN DUDE'S SISTER, MARIA
Your form ees as mechanical as my accent, yah?

SUMMER GLAU
Whatever, just show me some more of your cat dancing.

RUSSIAN THUG
(in Russian)
Maria, tell me where your brother is because he owes me money.

MARIA
(in Russian)
Go away! Russian mobsters don't belong in ballet class! Unless it's Viggo Mortensen; he can come to my class any time he wants to.

INT. CONNOR HOUSE - SARAH'S BEDROOM

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN is loading guns. THOMAS DEKKER walks in.

THOMAS DEKKER
Dude. You should stay out of my mom's room.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
Yeah, anyway. You know that guy that saved my life, Dean Winters? You should totally not trust him. You might even want to kill him.

THOMAS DEKKER
You're such an Angsty Annie.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
I hate your robot!

THOMAS DEKKER
Yeah, I got the memo.

THOMAS and BRIAN have walked in to the LIVING ROOM by now, as LENA enters the house and tells THOMAS to go do some hacker work. She wants to know the location of the Doctor's Cabin.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
(to Lena)
Did you get my memo? I hate robots.

LENA HEADEY
Our robot is totally useful.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
I don't trust robots! Not a single one of them! Not at all! Does everybody get that? Have I made myself clear? NO MORE METAL ROBOTS... EVER! By the way, I was in your bedroom.

LENA HEADEY
Don't go in my bedroom! Augh! I got my David Cassidy posters in there!

INT. CONNOR HOUSE - JOHN'S ROOM

Instead of doing his mom's hacker work, THOMAS has ganked the video tape that LENA stole from RICHARD T. JONES's HOUSE. THOMAS puts it on the t.v. and listens with some headphones. It's amazing how many people have VCRs in 2007. THOMAS starts to cry. "Why can't we get Blu-Ray?"

INT. CONNOR HOUSE - KITCHEN, NEXT DAY

LENA is making PANCAKES.

LENA HEADEY
How was dance class, honey?

SUMMER GLAU
Great! We learned about Arabesques, and Entrechats, and Plies, and, and...

LENA HEADEY
No, I mean, did you find out who to kill and when?

SUMMER GLAU
I saved that for private lessons!

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
By the way, how's that hunt for the hand going?

LENA HEADEY
I think Richard T. Jones has it.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
(actual line)
What, they only have one FBI agent in this town?

LENA HEADEY
Shut up and eat your pancakes.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
I don't want to eat next to the robot! Boo hoo!

THOMAS enters and pissily gives LENA the hacked info she wanted, then storms out without pancakes. LENA is just then discovering that THOMAS stole her SURVEILLANCE TAPE. We get to see what's on the SURVEILLANCE TAPE. It's a scene of LENA signing away her CUSTODIAL RIGHTS to JOHN.

BACK IN THE KITCHEN:

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
What, robots don't like pancakes?

SUMMER takes a bite of pancake.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
Well, fine. But you're not getting any syrup! This syrup is for non-cybernetic organisms! Nyeah!

INT. CRAZY DOCTOR'S CABIN RETREAT

The role of Psychiatrist Who Has Gone Off The Rails is being played today by BRUCE DAVISON. You may remember him from last week when he INVENTED A SUPER COOL MUSTANG THAT REPELLED BULLETS.

RICHARD T. JONES
What can you tell me about Sarah Connor?

BRUCE DAVISON
She was scared of robots. Here, have more tea.

RICHARD T. JONES
Yes, thank you, this tea is delicious.

RICHARD starts to TRIP OUT. Apparently the tea was DRUGGED. Who would've thought the WEIRD RECLUSIVE DOCTOR out in the MOUNTAINS OF NOWHERE would be afraid of strangers? SHOCKING.

INT. DANCE STUDIO

MARIA is practicing alone, as SUMMER spies on her. The RUSSIAN THUG comes in and starts demanding things, so SUMMER KICKS HIM IN THE CHEST.

MARIA
How'd you do that?

SUMMER GLAU
I'm a scary robot. Let's go, I need to find your brother.

INT. CRAZY DOCTOR'S CABIN RETREAT

Crazy Dr. Hermitpants has tied up RICHARD T. JONES.

BRUCE DAVISON
I bet you're a robot!

RICHARD T. JONES
You know, coming here without backup was probably a bad idea.

BRUCE DAVISON
Well, let's just test you and see.

BRUCE takes a pocketknife and STABS RICHARD RIGHT IN THE LEG.

EXT. CONNOR HOUSE - SWINGSET

BRIAN is outside, playing in the grass.

LENA HEADEY
Tell John I need to talk to him later. I'm going to the crazy doctor's mountain retreat.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
Can I ask you pointed questions about John's father and my brother Kyle?

LENA HEADEY
They're both dead, okay? God.

INT. CRAZY DOCTOR'S CABIN RETREAT

BRUCE DAVISON
Whoops! Sorry I stabbed you in the leg. I guess you're okay.

RICHARD T. JONES
You know, kidnapping an FBI agent is like, bad, right?

BRUCE DAVISON
First, ignore how we, men who claim to know the Bible fairly well, call it "Revelations." Second, I think the Book of Revelation might really be about robots. I saw Robert Patrick, and he was great on The X Files. Also, when Arnold said "Com wid me eef you wahnt to leeve" it was like the Cistene chapel.

RICHARD T. JONES
Oh...kay. Uhm, listen, I believe that Sarah's not crazy. I have proof. Go get it.

BRUCE goes out to RICHARD'S car and gets the severed robot hand out of the trunk.

BRUCE DAVISON
I know you thought it was a good idea to tell me about this robot hand, but it was another in a long line of miscalculations. I think Sarah is like Jesus, and only she deserves to have this robot hand, so to help out I'm going to stab you in the neck.

BRUCE STABS RICHARD in the neck with a hypodermic needle full of something.

INT. CONNOR HOUSE

THOMAS DEKKER
My mom was in a nutbarn! I got my foster family killed!

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
This is an awkward conversation. Maybe I shouldn't mention my deep hatred of robots.

THOMAS DEKKER
I can't believe my mom gave up on me! People should never stop fighting scary robots! Ever!

INT. DEMETRI THE RUSSIAN'S APARTMENT

MARIA
I brought this strange robot girl here to help us.

SUMMER GLAU
I have a diamond. You can have it if you tell me what you did with the Chess Playing Computer of Ultimate Doom.

DEMETRI
Okay, so I fixed a chess match. A chess match. And then sold the Turk to my bookie. But it wasn't enough so I want more diamonds.

SUMMER GLAU
Whatever, now that you've told me who you sold it to I'm going to let the Russian mobsters kill you.

The RUSSIAN MOBSTERS enter DEMETRI'S APARTMENT and KILL DEMETRI and his SISTER, MARIA, while SUMMER walks away.

INT. CRAZY DOCTOR'S CABIN RETREAT

BRUCE DAVISON
And now I'm going to set fire to my own cabin. With Richard T. Jones still in it. Because that makes a lot of sense.

As BRUCE leaves the cabin, he runs in to LENA.

BRUCE DAVISON
I'm sorry I doubted you, Jeebus!

LENA HEADEY
Punch to the face!

The cabin ERUPTS IN FLAMES and LENA hears RICHARD screaming inside. Then, for some reason, after commercial break, it's raining, and RICHARD is no longer tied up in a burning house. He's pointing a gun at BRUCE.

RICHARD T. JONES
Where is the robot hand?!

BRUCE DAVISON
Sarah Connor took it! Hee hee hee!

INT. CONNOR HOUSE

LENA HEADEY
Did you find the terrifying chess computer?

SUMMER GLAU
No, but I know where to look.

LENA HEADEY
Did you kill Demetri?

SUMMER GLAU
It's not so much that I killed him, as that I didn't not kill him.

LENA goes in to THOMAS DEKKER'S room and WAKES HIM UP FROM A NAP because she likes DOING THAT this episode.

LENA HEADEY
Did you notice the date on the tape? It's totally the day you came to bust me out of the mental institution. I, uh, was gonna escape that day and come kidnap you, to make up for signing away my rights as a mother. You know, instead of having the lawyer guy tear up the papers.

THOMAS DEKKER
Is that why you were a total bitch that day? I mean, aside from being in a mental institution and having killer robots after you and everything?

LENA HEADEY
Uhm, yes.

A MONTAGE of LENA burning the SEVERED ROBOT HAND, then BRUCE DAVISON being tossed in the NUTBARN, RICHARD T. JONES going to BIBLE STUDY, and SUMMER lacing up her DANCING SHOES. There is a flashback to the fire in crazy doctor's cabin, with LENA helping RICHARD out.

LENA HEADEY (V.O.)
So, John doesn't think sun shines out of my ass anymore, and this bums me out. But everyone screws up. That's what makes us better than robots. Robots can't believe in God, unless you watch that other show about cyborgs. Robots also can't create art and stuff, at least as far as I know. I'm not paying attention to what's going on in other parts of my house, though.

IN SUMMER GLAU'S ROOM:

SUMMER is dancing to what I think is the same CHOPIN music being played in the TORTURE ROOM of 2027. BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN looks on in what seems to be a mixture of disbelief and terror.

BRIAN AUSTIN GREEN
Oh, man. This is totally going in my 'zine, Robot Hateology.

FADE OUT.

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