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His Algorithms Are The Complexiest

knightrider.jpg
A five year old Brenda bonds with the original K.I.T.T.

And now, another "Email Exchange" special from Brenda and Laura, this time covering the highlights of the highlights from NBC's Knight Rider tv movie.

These are always more interesting than real reviews, right?

Laura: So, is it wrong that I would actually watch this show if it went to series?

Brenda: I actually had a cigarette after the opening credits. They could've just played that over and over for two hours.

Laura: I loved that they kept the theme music. If they had gotten new theme music, or changed it in any way, it would have been a deal breaker.

Brenda: Here's my official recap of it: "Cars! CARRRRRRRS! Cars! TITS TITS TITS! CARS! Guns! CARRRRRRRS!"

Laura: I wouldn't call it good, but it was more enjoyable than the new Bionic Woman. I think the word I would call it is diverting. But I watched the new Flash Gordon series, so what the hell do I know? It could have used more Hoff though. Millions of Germans are going to be disappointed at how Hoff-light Knight Rider was.

Brenda: I think my favorite part of it was: "EXCITING CAR CHASE! Vrooom! VROO--We now interrupt this exciting car chase to bring you a guy and his bookie having a boring conversation in a garage." It was the worst possible editing ever.

Laura: The thing that got me though, the origial show started 25 years ago. Michael Knight's son had to be at least 25. That means that the whole time Michael Sr. was driving around with KITT, he was a dead beat dad. Greater responsibilities my ass. Nobody else could possibly drive a car that drives itself? Whatever, Michael Knight. Just admit you couldn't resist the allure of a sweet Trans Am.

Brenda: Yeah, what was with the "ONE CAR TO RULE THEM ALL!" crap? It's been a while since I've seen Knight Rider, but I never remember there being any sort of heavy "YOU MUST LEAD THEM WITH YOUR CAR, MICHAEL" message.

Laura: Michael Knight was just trying to justify his absentee fatherness.

Brenda: I love that the new KITT always had visual aids for everything. And when it asked Michael about his sexuality, it brought up all these gay pride parade pictures.

Laura: I like to imagine that he does this because he thinks all people are on the intelligence level of a 4-year-old.

Brenda: I was really hoping that what's-her-face would come back right then and be like "Why are you surfing for gay porn on my car computer?"

Laura: I'll go further than that, and say that they should have had him surfing for gay porn on the car computer. You know, if KITT was Dean Winchester's car, the first thing Dean would ask would be if KITT could get porn.

Brenda: Also, I know they hired Val at the last minute, but did they call him up at 3am to re-voice everything? Because he was devoid of any emotion at all. At least William Daniels had some inflection.

Laura: I thought he was OK. He sounded like a robot. I assumed it was intentional.

Brenda I thought it was kind of boring, like he was half asleep. But I'm just realizing how much the red lights on the front of the car remind me of Cylons. They even make the same sort of sound as the old-skool Cylons. I wonder if that was an intentional homage? In the movie, KITT brought up one of Asimov's three laws of robotics, so maybe so.

Laura: I think that, for a pilot, it was decent -- but as a movie, it sucked. It was all set up. The entire middle of the movie was two people sitting in a car talking. And it's not like they were the most charismatic people on the planet. Could they have gotten a blander cast? It's Knight Rider! Starring scruffy, generic man-boy and generically girl-next-door brunette girl!

Brenda: I thought what's-her-face was kind of interesting looking. Though, not enough to remember her name. Obviously.

Laura: It's not that they weren't interesting. Why the hell can't TV writers manage to craft scenarios where two people meet, flirt, and maybe some romance evolves? Why does it always have to be that they have some sort of past relationship, or the guy has had some sort of insane crush on the girl since childhood? Whatever happened to the "meet cute"?

Brenda: I couldn't tell you, since I have no idea what a "meet cute" is.

Laura: A "meet cute" is what they call it when the romantic leads meet each other for the first time in a movie or TV show. I am surprised that you have never heard of a "meet cute." I think it's a screenwriting term.

Brenda: They didn't teach us that in film school. But we did learn how to make cars look cool, VROOM VROOM! The secret is in the lighting.

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Comments (2)

Dor sho gha! Not one word about KITT stalking doomoss in commercials using Madmartigan's voice?

BONG!!!!!!!!

Jack:

I'm surprised that Val Kilmer/KITT didn't use pictures of donuts for visual aids. Maybe the occasional cheesecake. I did think it was interesting that the car was fueled by syrup, though.