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Heroes Finale: I Am The Penguin Of Supervillains


In order to preserve the chastity of those who do not wish to be spoiled for last night's season two finale of Heroes, do not read what's after the jump. For everyone else, a Laura/Brenda email exchange classic is just beyond the cut.

Laura: Did you watch the finale? The end killed me.

Brenda: Yes. And I am over Sylar. O.V.-E.R.

Laura: I was just so upset about Nathan and Nikki. Especially Nathan. You can't kill the Petrellis. They are too hot.

Brenda: I could do without Peter. In fact, I can do without most of the Heroes. Adam is my new favorite. However, I don't understand how Hiro got Adam in the coffin. It's been explained to me as a variance of different possibilities, but I don't believe any of it. It just seems like such a useless expenditure of time and effort, when "beheading" is always a good, simple choice.

Laura: I don't care how he got him in the coffin because it means he can come back. I think they made a mistake keeping Sylar around. They should have put him on ice for a while. Villains get less interesting if they are overused. Wouldn't it suck if Batman only fought the Joker?

Brenda: It would be really awesome if someone just shoots Sylar in the head the very first episode back. I don't even care how. By the way, where is the Haitian character? They need someone that just sucks all the superpower out of a room so we can dispense with the blood virus junk.

Laura: Sylar needs to go away for a little while. Though, now that he has his powers back, maybe he will be cooler. I laughed when he just turned around and shot Maya, and I am really disappointed that she lived.

Brenda: I'd really like for Adam to have a co-conspirator that's not a total moron. Maybe someone to explain how really really boring the world gets when half the population is dying. He appears to be going through superpowered puberty, where he thinks that he knows best and his answer for everything is the greatest and blah blah blah faminecakes. Sure, dystopian futures where the fittest survive to fight back after a lengthy bout with some population-killing plot device are interesting, but first you have to live through the plot device, and that's just tiring.

Laura: Well, I think all villains are adolescent in the sense that they always think that they know what's best. Magneto's like that, Lex Luthor's like that... And Adam knows that he will live through whatever happens, so he has no problem waiting it out.

Brenda: I don't think of Magneto that way, though. And in some ways I think he actually was right, which made him an interesting couple with Xavier. If I had actually read X-Men comics, I might make Magneto my favorite villain instead of the Joker. But I am just basing this all off my love for Ian McKellan.

Laura: I'd say that turning all the humans into mutants should be classified under one of those adolescent kind of plots. There wasn't a lot of long term planning there, as evidenced by the fact that the senator died before he got to do anything; and without thinking that society would continue to make a distinction between his victims, and people who were born mutants.

Brenda: There doesn't seem to be any long-term plan in releasing a virus that destroys 93% of the world. I mean, hello, who's going to make the Egg McMuffins?

Laura: Personally, I think it's a rather good plan, as far as genocidal plans go. I prefer the world dominating genocidal types though. I mean, that's a motive I can understand. Who wouldn't want to rule the world and remake society in her own image?

Brenda: Me. Too much work. I'm totally the Penguin of super villains. Steal just enough to live how you'd like, and then forget the rest. Fuck a master plan, I just want an Aston Martin DB9. Once I get what I want I'm not going to bother anyone else. Unless they annoy me, and I'm able to kill them with a minimal amount of mess and physical exertion.

Laura: Well, since Adam can cure people with his blood, he would be able to choose who survives the plague. Therefore, he could reform society with people who shared his way of thinking.

Brenda: While in theory I agree with you about hand-picking who he wants to survive, again: too much goddamn work. How about just blowing up Talledega Superspeedway during a Nextel Cup race? I mean, that would get rid of quite a few people you don't want, anyway. And since when is firebombing a significant portion of Alabama ever a bad choice? While we're at it, slicing parts of Texas and Florida off the continent somehow would also be advisable.

Laura: I am not as huge a fan of the "crazy and unpredictable evil for no real reason" villains, though. I like the guys who think they are the good guys. And Dr. Doom, who just wants to rule the world, which I can totally respect, because that's me.

Brenda: I would just like Adam and Parkman to come to my house so we can bake cookies, basically. And no, that's not Mary Sue-ing at all. It's just baking. JUST BAKING, I SWEAR.

Laura: I had a similar thought about Parkman and Mohinder. (What? Mohinder is really pretty.) If I were going to Mary Sue myself, not that I would ever do that sort of thing, I think I could be their live-in nanny.

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