There's a girl version of everything.

Merlin: The Wicked Day
Oh, it's wicked, all right.
Merlin: The Darkest Hour, Part 2
Arthur sacrifices himself for Camelot... almost.
Merlin: The Darkest Hour, Part 1
Morgana unleashes a ghost army on Camelot.

BSG Episode Fourteen: Scattered

Previously, on season one of Battlestar Galactica: You could read all the recaps, but I'll save you some time. A bunch of robots blew up the outside world. About 50,000 people survived (give or take a robot or two), and the Secretary of Education became President by default. (And she has cancer.)(And she thinks she's a prophet.) While on the run from the homicidal robots, the last few survivors stumble across a planet that may or may not be the abandoned homeworld of their Gods. (Yeah, plural.) Before they can get to examining it, however, Starbuck has to head back to the newly nuked planet of Caprica and retrieve an ancient artifact. She does so against orders and as a result gets the President and Lee Adama arrested. Also, some of the Cylon robots look like humans, and one of them just shot the commander of the fleet, William Adama.

Now! Emotions are at condition one aboard the Galactica. We open on a shot of Adama, spread-eagled over the controls of CIC. Apollo is screaming for Doc Cottle. Tigh is having some sort of shock-induced flashback to when everyone had a hell of a lot more hair -- Adama with a mustache! Very Blade Runner. Tigh's remembering the first time he and Adama met, and then he has Boomer #1 (the more assassin-y version) locked up in the brig. She doesn't remember shooting Adama two seconds ago, and screams "NOOOOOO!" as they drag her away. While he's on a roll, Tigh throws Apollo in the brig, too, and Apollo also chooses to scream and yell while being dragged away.

And now: Plow Guy! Or, am I the only one who's watching Men in Trees? Captain Aaron Kelly makes his first appearance and asks Tigh if this means the Cylons are about to pounce again. Tigh wants to know how they could've found them; Racetrack tells Tigh about Boomer #1's little expedition around the basestar at the end of season one. Kelly wants to make a jump to some emergency coordinates just in case, but Doc Cottle is aboard some other ship and they don't want to jump without him. That's the perfect time for the Cylons to attack, so they do. Tigh, still having flashbacks, decides to jump -- despite Cottle not being aboard yet, and despite there still being an entire crew on the surface of Kobol, waiting to be rescued.

Roslin and Apollo meet up in the brig, and he tells her that Adama has been shot. To say she's upset would not convey properly how she reacts here. All I can say is, she's Roslin-upset. Which means she can be sad and still deliver direct orders as though she's just kicked some puppies.

After the jump, the Galactica discovers they've frakked up in a big way. There are no contacts on Dradis, none at all -- which means they've lost the rest of the fleet. As we go to opening credits, there is a lonesome shot of the Galactica set against a whole lot of nothing. Space is vast, y'all.

Baltar and Number Six are on imaginary Kobol: That is to say, he's laying in a field on the real Kobol, dreaming that he's in the Kobolian Opera House with Six, and they're babysitting. Six tells him it's their baby, and Gaius is having a hard time wrapping his head around that one. (Like: "How do you have a child with a hallucination?") When she asks him if he wants to hold the baby, he does a hilarious "no" head shake while saying "Uh... yes?" This is part of the reason I can't take Baltar seriously as a villain.

Cally walks by and Baltar wakes up from his reverie. Apparently the crashed Raptor crew is still hanging out near their downed spacecraft, instead of heading for the hills, as Tyrol suggested previously. At this point, I am not convinced of Crashdown's organizational skills as a leader. For the love of Gods, delegate! The sound of a ship entering Kobol's orbit sends the crew running, with Tyrol bringing up the rear suggesting that they take inventory before they "bug out."

Back on Galactica, Ellen is nagging Tigh about where the rest of the fleet went. Apparently the rest of the fleet did not get the updated jump coordinates before the last jump, and Tigh shifts the blame off to Gaeta -- while also excusing him for it. He's extremely upset at himself for screwing up. Ellen tells him he needs to bust some ass and stop frakking up, in case Adama dies -- and we cut to Tigh telling the whole crew that they will not be letting Adama die. And he's not going to want to let Adama die, because he hasn't been in charge for ten minutes and already he's had a huge frak up with only bad news to follow.

Now for the bad news: They can figure out where the fleet jumped to by jumping back to where they were before, then jumping away again. Problem is, calculations between jumps takes 12 hours, and there are Cylons waiting in between to blow them up. Over in the brig, Roslin is hoping they jump back to their previous coordinates, but not in order to find the fleet or rescue the downed crew on Kobol (which includes her Vice President,) oh no. It's so that Starbuck can find them when she returns with the hoodoo voodoo that will lead them to earth. She really really wants Apollo to try and make nice with Tigh so he can make sure the Galactica does exactly what she wants it to do. Uh, I think this is what got you in the brig in the first place, sweetcheeks.

Down on Kobol, Crashdown is leading the injured crew members through the forest, including one crewmember who's on a stretcher. Baltar is seeing cribs everywhere. They take a union break to rest, and it's noted that they're out of painkillers in the med kit. This is when Crashdown's organizational skills fail him, as the second med kit is back at the downed Raidor crash site. Crashdown blames one of the other crew for forgetting, and sends him back to the ship to get the med kit. Tyrol takes Cally and goes with him, which sort of pisses off Crashdown, as it undermines his ultimate authority.

On Cylon-Occupied Caprica, at the Delphi museum, Starbuck is not happy to be taking orders from "Sharon the Cylon." In fact, "not happy" means pulling a gun. Helo tackles her and tells her that Sharon isn't lying when she says she's pregnant. Starbuck calls it by saying that men are totally stupid. Robots + Humans does not = robot babies, in Starbuck's estimation. During this exchange, Boomer #2 runs off with Starbuck's stolen Cylon raider.

On Galactica, some sickbay intern is giving Tigh the bad news about Adama, and how someone needs to do surgery soon. Tigh has another flashback to when Adama and he were trying to get re-instated back in to the fleet. With the Galactica separated from the rest of the fleet (where Doc Cottle still remains), and at best a 12 hour window from here to there, Tigh orders the medic to do the surgery herself. She balks at this order.

Tigh goes to visit Boomer #1 in the brig. When she asks how Adama is doing, he smacks her right across the bullet wound bandage. He wants to know how many Cylons are aboard the Galactica, and who gave her the order to shoot Adama. When she sasses him, he punches the shit out of her and then holds a gun to her head. Little flashback to a door with the number "3", and then Tigh throws her to the floor and leaves.

Down on Kobol, Tyrol, Cally, and Expendable Crewmember are just returning to the crash site. Crewguy finds the med kit, and they haul ass out of there. While hiking back through the woods, Cally bitches about having to carry the med kit. Expendable Dude lives up to his name, as a bunch of hidden Centurions on a ridge above shoot him down. Cally proves her uselessness as she's unable to either (a) shoot any robots or (b) provide adequate coverage for the Chief to pick up the injured dude in a fireman's carry. Somehow they get away. Then Expendable Dude expires. This hits Tyrol hard, as this was apparently his very favorite unnamed crew member.

Gaeta is washing up in the crew bathrooms, and is generally feeling sorry for himself for giving the fleet the wrong jump coordinates. Dee tells him not to blame himself. While looking at the soap dishes, he gets an idea. If they network the computers, calculating a new jump from their old position would only take 10 minutes, not 12 hours. Plow Guy Kelly is unhappy with this tactic, as Adama would never go for it. Gaeta says he can put up a firewall to block the Cylons from infiltrating their networked computers during that 10 minutes. Tigh debates this in his head for a while, presumably having a flashback we don't get to see. He orders the jump.

Tigh Flashback: Adama gets himself back in the fleet via his new wife's family. Adama promises that he'll have his own battlestar one day. Then we see the #3 door again.

In the brig, Tigh is letting Apollo out only to perform his duties as CAG. When not on duty, his quarters will be the cell. He promises not to "sow insurrection," and as he leaves, Roslin wishes him good hunting. Then she asks to have a word with Tigh, and he basically tells her to frak off.

The Galactica prepares for jump. Gaeta is not entirely confident about his firewall software, but Tigh tells him that he'd trust Gaeta over Baltar any day. (Which, really, he doesn't so much have to worry about Baltar's "shifty" brain as he does Baltar's shifty penis.) They jump; Cylon Raiders attack; Vipers fly out. Huge, pretty wide shot of the space fight, with the Galactica on the right, firing away at the base star on the left, and all the little tiny ships battling in between.

In sickbay, the medic chick is getting her gloves on as Adama flatlines. She gets ready to do surgery herself (right now, during a huge space battle. Good time to flatline, Adama.) The Cylons are starting to get through Gaeta's firewall as Apollo and the other vipers notice a Cylon heavy raider headed right for the Galactica. In the brig, one of the marine guards asks Roslin to pray with him. They kneel and hold hands through the prison bars as the Galactica is rocked by Cylon missles. It's a really beautiful scene, with the prayer intercut with Adama's surgery.

Apollo is still chasing the stray raider, and is taking crossfire from Galactica's batteries. The heavy raider crashes in to one of the flight decks, as Gaeta's firewall is barely hanging on against the Cylon spyware. When the computer finally calculates the jump coordinates, Gaeta hastily unplugs the network connection. They are definitely going to have to run scan disk when they reboot.

The jump is successful, as they get away from the Cylons and find the rest of the fleet. A similar shot from the beginning, only this time the Galactica is surrounded by the rest of the fleet, and it's a great sight. Tigh sends for Cottle ASAP. Too late, however, as the medic has just finished surgery and has saved Adama's life, though he's still in critical condition.

Tigh flashback: Tigh's about to set fire to his military uniform, when he is summoned to the door. His door is the #3 door. He seems pretty tanked here as an SP tells Tigh that Adama has just reinstated him as a Captain. In the present, Tigh is telling an unconscious Adama that he better not die; Adama should've just left Saul on Caprica to get blown up with everyone else, because he is not fit to command.

The closing shot is of Centurions disembarking from the downed heavy raider aboard the Galactica. I guess since it didn't blow up and set everything on fire upon impact, they sort of forgot about it. Excellent. "To be continued..."

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